Well, the main difference for me here is that my doctor has confirmed that I'm having left-sided weakness, so I know it's not all in my head this time. Not ALL, anyway.
I don't know. I don't know why I feel so certain that this is a brain tumor that is going to kill me. I don't know why I can't just tell myself hey, I haven't been right so far (even when I had a giant tumor it turned out to be totally harmless!), so why worry about it until you have to? Heck, I kind of wish I were more like my dad...he had throat cancer symptoms for months before we harassed him into seeing a doctor. Of course, he did die (3 years ago today actually)...but from the cancer treatments, not the actual cancer. Go figure, right? (I wish he was still around...he was good at keeping my health anxiety under control somehow. I know that has to be my responsibility, but...it helped a lot to have an ally. Really, what it was was knowing that whatever I'd have to go through he'd go through it with me. Not that my mom and my girlfriend won't be, but...it's weird how the person who used to scare me shitless was also the only person who made me feel safe.)
My doctor, god love him, told me that if I'm still "strung out" (hilarious to hear a guy in his late 70s say that, btw!) over this on Monday, he'll call the neurologist and see if he can get my appointment moved up.
I'm so freaking scared of the inevitable MRI. Even if the neuro thinks nothing is wrong, he'll probably send me for one anyway just to be thorough (I've never had a neuro NOT do that!) and I'm scared to death of being in that tube while they find something wrong. I've had those tests before, I know they're no big deal, but I'm scared of being told they'll have me out in 20 minutes, only to have two hours pass and know that something's wrong. And then the waiting on edge for days after until they call to say the results are in...and having to worry some more until you can go in and get the news...I hate the whole process. And I know that I could just avoid it all by not going. But if I do that, I'll remain convinced I have a brain tumor without knowing either way.