Intrusive thoughts and constant anxiety.

[Daniel2622]

Hello everyone. :)
So for the past I'd say about 2 months now I've been having terrible intrusive thoughts as I now have realized they are called. It started as having them about like harming the general public. But now it's gotten a tad bit worse and it's boiled down to my family. Particularly my mother. Now I love my mother so much, and I know that I would obviously never do anything to harm her in any way, shape or form. But no matter how many times I tell myself that it's just my thoughts messing with me and my anxiety I still get these horrible thoughts in my head. Like I get so disgusted with myself because I feel like I'm some sort of phsychopath. Now the past few days now my anxiety has surprisingly been very low and almost non existent feeling. But the weird thing now that I'm noticing is that sometimes when I tell people about my mom or even when I am around her, for some reason that is unknown to me I get this "sinking" feeling in my chest and my anxiety starts acting up again. It makes me feel like I can't comfortably talk about her to other people without getting all weird feeling. I just literally feel like I'm losing myself and all of my feelings of affection so to speak. I still feel like my normal self, but I'm worried now that I'm going to just turn into a heartless person because of my current anxiety and horrible thoughts. I'm such a loving and nice person and this new anxiety is just terrifying me. I don't want to drive myself mad. I'm making an appointment to see a phsyciatrist soon so I'm hoping that will do me wonders. But I just wanted to see if anyone else has ever felt like this before.

[jimolee]

Hi, Unfortunatly, yes I have felt like you are. What's good about your situation is that you're reaching out and looking for help. I didn't and tried to deal on my own. I was afraid and embarassed ect. to tell anyone. Meds have helped, talking to someone who understand helps too. I've had periods where it goes in remission and where a trigger of stress brings it back. You aren't crazy just anxious and you and I and people like us, dwell for some reason on the thoughts where as others are able to just dismiss them. Other people have scarey intrusive thoughts , they just don't obsess about it. This is a good site, it has helped me already. There are others like us here. Go to your appt. and keep us posted. Good luck

[Daniel2622]

Thank you for the input! I will be keeping posted. :)

[Pippy187]

Hey Folks... You're both not alone out there... I myself combat intrusive thoughts daily... Thoughts of self-harm and harming loved ones, thought of me just not being there the next day or thoughts like I'm going to go crazy... All feel and seem very troublesome, however they do not make actions, they're only thoughts and If you label it as such and accept the fact you're having them it may make it more manageable to deal with.  I currently find distraction the best technique to combat this and I attend weekly therapy for exposure and CBT, seem to slowly help. I'm considering meds but I want to see how the CBT works. If you need to chat feel free to PM me... you're not alone 

[jimolee]

Thanks Pippy, It is comforting to know there are others. It's a tough challenge but we can do it.

[Pippy187]

I'm going to be starting a new book called  The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle, Ill keep you posted... Supposedly is a very insightful book.

[Jono77]

I was sitting with my roommate the other night watching tv and I suddenly thought "what if I just punch her?" yes you're not alone with these thoughts. I really do think it's the things we would never do that pop up in our minds the strongest. I have 2 nephews that I adore but I have harm thoughts when I'm with them, it is very distressing and I try to remind myself it's just thoughts and I wouldn't do it, it's a hard battle but we keep going...

[jimolee]

Jono, you explained it well! It's just like that for me too. Very distressing but I've got a handle on it at the moment. I find it helps for me to chat in here w/ people and it reminds me that I'm not alone w/ this. Then it seems to go away. It comes and goes w/ triggers of stress for me..

[EclecticJoe]

My triggers are boredom and when I first get up in the morning for some reason.