Time sensitive issue...scared i predicted my death

[BeeDot]

Either on or a few days after my 22 nd birthday, I was walking down the stairs at my house and I got this feeling that I wouldn't be alive a year later like I wouldn't ever finish my 23rd year. My birthday is tomorrow and I admit I'm freaking out. I remember reading Rachels Tears when I was younger and how she knew she wouldn't be around a uear later and sure enough she wasn't. I've heard similar stories and I'm so scared that I'm going to die in the next couple of days. This is compounded by the fact that I fly home from europe on the day after mu birthday...I've always had this fear of dying in a plane crash and now I'm afraid that will happen.

I know I probably sound crazy (and I am!) But has anyone else experienced the feeling that you knew when you would die? I have such a hard time separating anxiety and reality.

[EclecticJoe]

Yes, it is a common form of anxiety. Fear of death, anticipation of death, telling yourself you won't be around, etc. Mix that with a little OCD and you have the perfect storm.

No one that is perfectly healthy and not suicidal knows when they are going to die.

[BeeDot]

Thanks Joe. As far as I know, I'm healthy and definitely not suicidal! I'm jist freaked out because when I talk to people about coming home or when my mom asked me what I wanted for dinner that forst night I get back, I feel like my answers don't matter because I wont be around anymore anyway! I'm just so scared that ill never see my family or home again. That sounds so dramatic, but its a creepy feeling.

[angielee]

I will look forward to seeing your post tomorrow that your still around. 

[BeeDot]

Hha well I'm still here right now, though as I remember I got that feeling just after my birthday, so I'm not sure my amxiety will ebb for a few more days. Hopefully it doesn't hang aroujd my whole 23rd year!

Has anyone else ever felt like this? It just frightend me so much because I cannot tell if I'm anxious because I have anxiety or if I'm anxious because my death is approaching! This is a new facet of anxiety. I mean, I've had health anxiety for ages so I often think I'm dying but its never been this specific. And its not just health, I feel I could die in any way.

I know I know I sound ridiculous..thanks for being such a supportive community through the toigh times.

[bertybotts]

You could not know when you are going to die. You could die in 5 days. You could die in 50 years. But you would be hard pressed to guess when. There is no magic working here -- it is very simple, unless you take your own life, pay someone else to take your life, or have some sort of disease where they can tell you "you got 5 weeks, live it up now", you just don't know.

It is all anxiety. Your brain is so powerful, it can convince you of anything.

[EclecticJoe]

Right now I don't like my brain. Does anyone else wish they were Forest Gump?

[BeeDot]

Forest Gump is awesome.
But seriously, I'm freaking out. I swear it was 11january 2012 and I just got the strangest feeling I wouldnt be alive in a year. That's tomorrow. Didn't Rachel Joy Scott predict her death in this way? How can I tell if its anxiety? I sound like a madwoman, I k ow. And if I survive the next couple of days, I'm sure ill be embarassed by myself.

[Pippy187]

Bee?

[BeeDot]

Hey yeah, I"m still here.  I'm still scared because I can't remember exactly how I felt when I got this feeling.  Sometimes I think it was that I have a year left and sometimes I think it was that I would die at 23.  I suppose logically, neither are true, but I live every day in fear now.  I'm afraid to say things like "I'll do that tomorrow" because I get such a weird feeling that I won't be able to fulfill that plan.

I think my anxiety is getting worse.

[worriedtoo]

I have the same issue sometimes. If I make plans I often have that little voice saying 'if you're still here'. When I go on a trip I always clean my house because I think if I die in a car crash I don't want my relatives coming to my house and finding it a mess. I leave my will in an obvious place etc. It's really silly because I've done it for a few years now and I'm still making it home (on the up side I come home to a clean house!) so it's not anything strange to me. I even get wierd about looking at the T.V guide a few days ahead in case I'm not here to see the shows! Just writing this makes it seem like I'm loopy! Fact is I never thought I would live to the age I am (39) and was convinced I would die young, now I freak that something will happen to my kids, but the fact that I have accepted is that I have anxiety and that I don't know the future, ruining my day to day life freaking out changes nothing.

[BeeDot]

Worriedtoo,

I am sorry that you suffer through this as well, but I am also relieved that I'm not the only one!  I feel a little less crazy,,,or at least I feel like I have company in my crazy thoughts!  You really have made me feel so much better, your reply was so thoughtful.  I can only imagine having kids would make my anxiety skyrocket...

I am trying to accept the fact that I cannot see into the future and it sucks not to be in the present moment, because that's really all we have.  I hope you are dong well and thanks again.

Cheers,
Sarah

[jax79]

I also anticipate everything im going to do because im scared of dying hell im scared of EVERYTHING is sad! I wasn't like this when i was younger I mean i had dumb thoughts and have always been scared of dying but nothing like I am now. When I travel Im like oh god what if I get sick and they can't save me because im not in the states and it stops me from traveling. I could hear stories about being and dying and I swear that it's going to happen to me. IT TOTALLY SUCKS! It's true we don't know when were going to die and has hard it is for me to say this and except it nobody knows so why stress ourselves about it and live it to the fullest! I won't my children to remember me being happy not panicy and unhappy! Good luck! Dont push the thoughts away except them and say ok anxiety goodbye anxiety! try not to let it affect your emotions cause thats what our thoughts thrive off of. Man I wish I could take my own advice!

[All1Spirit]

I was brushing my teeth before going to bed last night and I had a profound feeling that my time on this earth was just about over - like in days !!

[NYGirl]

I get those thoughts too. I also have had them about my daughter which freak me out
even more!  She's very empathic and a few years ago when I was having these thoughts constantly
while on Celexa, one night she said to me, "I feel like something's going to happen to me!" (She's 9).
Mind you, I've never once, not ONCE, expressed my fears in front of her or shown her any worry.
I quickly consoled her and told her that she was healthy and extremely happy and that she was doing
just fine! After I went off the Celexa, the intensity of those thoughts stopped. Every now and then the
anxiety creeps up and I think those thoughts again, but I try to keep them at bay!  Last night out of the
blue, she came to me and said she had the thought in her head that me, my husband and herself were going
to die. And then she said she thought of the fish we had that died a few years ago. Again, I reassured her,
but I also think part of it is that she's at that age where she's realizing the morality of life.
I don't know if that helps you at all, but know you're not alone!  We're still here right now so enjoy each moment!!!!
Best wishes!
NY Girl

[it is well]

even when i am not in an anxious state, i think this way.

but then it is a healthier version.

kind of like a "god willing" type of thing.

i grew up with old women mentors who would say things like, "we'll go out for fried chicken on tuesday, lord willing."

just my two cents that some would suggest these thoughts are claiming that we really are living in the moment.

but it SUCKS when we're anxious and scared.  i know.

[LindaRK]

For lack of a better word, I think this is a pretty "normal" thought pattern for someone with anxiety.  I remember early on in my diagnosis (20 years old) I had these same thoughts.  I just knew I would have a very long life - I would be dead before I was 25 or 30.  They were pretty strong thoughts.  Not suicidal, but I just "knew".  The thoughts were fleeting at times and other times were pretty severe.  Well, I got past 30, then 40, then 50. I'll be 56 this year.  I'm still here.  I still have those thoughts.  Heck, my dad had anxiety - he "knew" he didn't have long to live - he became quite verbal about that when he was in his early 60's. It got worse when the grandkids arrived and then it was based around their activities - like he wouldn't be around to see them "blank", then "blank" .... it got pretty tiring to hear it all the time.  Well, he lived to be 93.  :-)

[NYGirl]

I'll take 93!!!   That's awesome!

[BeeDot]

Ha, that's awesome to hear about your dad, I'm glad he lived such a long life!  I hope we can all learn to combat these thoughts though so we don't have to live 93 years thinking we will die tomorrow!  I'm trying to remember that I have been "certain" of my death in the past, but it never comes true so there is no way I can predict it, but every now and then I Just get such a strong feeling that I'm right!

[jax79]

That's awesome! When I was a teen I thought I wouldn't see 23 and i'm 29 and of course anxiety kicks in and I'm scared of EVERTHING because I don't want to die! I have health anxiety as well so this doesn't help! I wake up every morning thanking god for letting me live another day and my thoughts go crazy it's very frustrating. I tell myself I won't know when so try to live life and not let the thoughts affect my emotions. Our thoughts feed of our emotions so if we can try to not let it affect our emotions the thoughts will disappear slowly but surely. It's tough but I try to tell myself this everyday! I hope to live to 93! God bless