At a loss for words..

[AMRELP2712]

Lately, I am feeling embarrassed and sad. My anxiety that I have developed quickly after my first child five months ago has ultimately been the most challenging obstacle I have been through as I am still going through it. Being a mom, and going through school. At 4 and a half months post partum, I dont feel I am yet mentally stable to handle the responsibilities of another job. My boyfriend pays the bills right now, I had my first therapy session in dec. I have another in Jan, and then an appointment with the physican for my therapy to consider medication. I have been battling this alone, no medication. No support unforcunately. From family or my boyfriend. And I feel that I need it. I have been deciding to wait until I can beat this to a level witch is not so overwhelming or give in to the medications to help calm some of this crazy anxiety as my hormones get back to normal, BEFORE returning. I do not want to have days where I cannot deal with the tasks I need to and sacrifice a job or a future refrence. I am having such a horrible time coping, I think people think I do this for attention. Because my illness is not  one that can be seen. It's inside, I feel mentally sick. and it takes it's tole on my body.. my mind... eventually my performance in school and as a mother. I am now finally comfortable in my own home, with my child. I am confident I can take care of him. But not confident I can carry all the stress of a baby, school and work with this issue right now. I haven't gotten it all under my control yet. Even though I have made a lot of progress on my own.. I am still waiting and desperately hoping time, and therapy and self assurance will help me heal. Has anyone gone through any of this sort of situation? PP? Or even just your own anxiety feeling like it cripples you? Im being talked down to because I am not yet mentally ready to start a new job. Hearing your a bad parent for taking the time to heal really sucks. or a bad girlfriend or person in general. Its salt into my wound..

I am not one to give up on myself. Or pity myself for having to deal with this. Everyone has their own burdens to deal with. I'm sure there's worse off than me... but I'd just like to know there's others out there who understand. I dont choose to be this way. I want to be 'normal' if there is such a word. I want to be nineteen. I want to enjoy my babies life... make memories not be continually crushed by the mental and extremely HORRIBLE physical side effects of my problem... any advice? kind words.... anything...

[Mythreegirls]

Hey there,

Being a man I'm not the best person to reply because it sounds like the post partum stuff is a pretty big factor for you. I can relate to your situation. I am a relatively new dad. Mine are 6,4, and 3. My now 3 year old came along the month I lost my job, house, and car. (The recession kicked our 0104) She also screamed 22 hours a day for the first 4 months of her life. I was in the middle of major debilitating panic and anxiety. I couldn't work, eat, sleep, or be left alone with my kids for about 6 months.

I think you are on the right path. It sounds like you are being proactive. The only thing I would add is to please make time to exercise as part of your treatment. That is what has helped me the most. You get yourself stable with meds and therapy, then you take charge of your life with exercise.

Love that little baby like there is no tomorrow. You'll get through this. I am proof that a completely mentally debilitated person can get back to "normal."

-MTG

[AMRELP2712]

thank you, i really appreciate you responding. it helps ease me that some people have been thru these things and made their way through! and as part of the new year i am changing my diet and addingexcersise so maybe it'll help :)