Relationship OCD, or what? Please!!

[geri005]

I really really need your help right now.

I've been suffering from anxiety for years... I was obsessed with having some kind of phisical diesase, but noone took me seriously. Long story short, after months, years of suffering, even thinking of giving up, i think i finnaly have that under control, i can deal with that issue by now.

Six months ago i started dating a girl, who's been my classmate for 8 years. I was incredibly happy for a little while, but then i started feeling strange. I didn't want to be with her so much, i wasn't sure if i loved her (as of feeling it), but in my mind, i know i do/did. A few weeks ago it got much, much worse. Now, whenever i'm not with her, i feel really really bad, whenever i think of her i get a lousy feeling, and i started noticing (at least my mind tries to tell me) that she's not that into me anymore. While usually, i feel like i have to break up with her, i can't imagine my life without her. Whenever i feel like she might break up with me, i get scared, and i just can't take it much longer. One minute i think i have to break up with her, even though i cannot imagine not being with her, cause she's absolutely amazing, and i have zero reasons not to love her, she's everythink i'm looking for, the other minute i'm scared she's pulling away from me, and is about to break up with me, or at least she's not happy, and thinks this isn't gonna work. This may sound stupid, but we were talking about starting our lifes togerher, always said stuff like: "This is not how we're gonna raise our child" and stuff like that, i was even planning to propose to her.

I was thinking about possible reasons why i feel the way i do. I never talk about myself, not even to her. She says a lot, that i'm very misteryous, she doesn't know nearly as much about me, as i do about her, but i always try to talk when she asks, only i'm not very good at it.

The other one i thought of, is that she introduced me to her parents months ago, they seem to love me, i love them. On the other hand, i didn't introduce her to my parents yet, even though she's really looking forward to it. Maybe i'm obsessed with the thought, that i'm not making her happy, i'm a bad boyfriend.

I would really need your advice, i've read about this thing called Relationship OCD, and it looks like a match with my current situation, although i was never diagnosed with OCD, it seems like i have a lot of psychological problems. Ending the relationship would kill me, i want the good feeling back, the one i only feel really barely now. I know she loves me, i know i love her even if these thought make me feel i don't. What should i do?

[danziano]

Hey mate, I'm suffering with the exact same thing you are. It only kicked in a few months ago and almost every waking minute was spent ruminating and obsessing whether I loved her or not. I know I do love her but I can't feel it anymore.

It's a horrible thing. How can someone who means so much to you have you be in so much doubt. All I know is that OCD is an anxiety disorder. When I'm anxious I ain't sure if I love her, on the odd occasion when I'm not anxious I never question my love for her until my anxiety gets triggered (which is normally a few seconds later lol).

One thing that's keeping me going until I see a psychiatrist is that I think about the times I broke up with my ex's (before I had OCD) I KNEW I wanted to end and didn't feel anxious and didn't doubt anything, I knew. If you don't love her deep down you'd know. You wouldn't be questioning anything. It's because you've been doubting so much that it's hard to feel love. It's hard to feel happy and in love when were constantly anxious.

My girlfriend makes me so happy, I love being with her but yet still I have doubts about my feelings. It seems everytime I say "I love you" I get a knot in my stomach like I just told a lie. OCD is a bitch but just remember if you didn't love your girlfriend you wouldn't be obsessing over it.

This is just what I think and what I've been told from my psychiatrist.

Hang in there mate.

[Birch531]

OCD is a monster and it attacks the things that are the most precious to us in our lives. I have first hand experience with that. OCD knows that your girlfriend is the world to you, that you're looking forward to a life with her, etc and so it says "aha, that's the next thing I'll attack and create doubts about!". First, it's perfectly natural to not have the lovey-dovey feelings all the time when you're in a relationship. But us OCDers put too much importance on that and make it into a huge deal when it's not. As an encouragement, when I was engaged to a man I knew was perfect for me and I loved very much, I had a big OCD flare up that made me question whether I should marry him, is he the right guy, why do I get annoyed at him so easily - what does this mean? etc. etc. It was hell. Again, it was OCD attacking that which was precious to me. Thankfully, through prayer and the help of a friend, those thoughts subsided and we went on and got married and have been married for close to 12 years.

[geri005]

Thank you for both of your replies. Its actually a funny story how i got back here. Not funny to me, but kinda ironic. I was doing much better for the last few months, it was still there, but i could deal with it. Until today.

I get so obsessed over every tiny little thing. Even if she doesn't kiss me, or hug me as much as usually, or i don't feel the attention i usually get, i freak out, and start being depressed. Or here's another crazy thing: Whenever she's happy about something, that's not related to me, like how she made a progress in a project she's working on, i can't feel happy for her, because she's not happy about me. I want to be the only human being for her, which might sound kind of selfish coming from a guy who can't even feel the epic love he knows he has for that special girl. And i feel like i'm this miserable, buzzkill guy, who never is happy, cause that's what she sees usually. And the most pathetic thing of all is that i know that these "little" freakouts, and obsessions are the world biggest, and stupidest overreactions, but i can't seem to let them go.

I also take comfort in thinking, that i wouldn't give a rats 0104 about feeling like this, i would just let her go if i didn't want to be with her. But then again, my mind takes it one step further, and starts questioning wheter i really am worried, or what...

Long story short, i googled something about rocd, and about my fears, and tada, this one was the very first result, this is how i ended up here again.

I really am sorry for anyone else having to deal with this kind of issue. Love should be one of the most beautiful things is life, and yet i feel like i just broke up with the love of my life (who i'm pretty sure is the girl i'm currently dating). And i'm not just saying that to comfort myself, or to try and convice myself, i really do mean it. I can't imagine not being with her.

Anyways, thanks again for the reassuring words, i honestly hope you're doing better now.

As for Birch531: Congratulations on your successful fight! I hope someday in the near future i can come back here, and private message you about the story of how i married this girl.