can't stop the worry

[ncmomma]

I really want 2013 to be a good year. Hopefully someone out there can help. I have extreme anxiety over my childs health. I know every parent worries but it distrupts my life to where I have trouble just enjoying anything at all. It mostly started really bad little over a year ago when my son had petechia on his botton, so I went to the worse scenerio of leukemia, CBC ruled it out and it wasnt turns out our bath mat was causing friction. then when my son at the time not yet 3 said his head hurt and puked, well I instantly went to its a brain tumor and panicked. Well Mri ruled it out. Ok i was fine for a bit then he started limping and it was about a week and during that time I thought it was leukemia again. It wasnt. Then i panicked over the fear of rabies because I left a sippy cup outside and thought maybe a rabid animal licked it. on to the last bit, i noticed some birthmark on him and was scared it was neurofibmotosis and even after being told no it wasnt. I started panicking over tuberous sclerosis but went to speciliast and he said nope, not to even think about it. Well i still can't kick this fear of tuberous sclerosis, im constantly watching him for other symptoms and its making life on me really difficult. They said that the places on him wasn't related to TSC and MRI almost 95 percent of people have something that show up( it was clear). But I worry if the MRI didnt catch it or if these doctors are missing something. I just cant shake the fear, and cant figure out why Im having a hard time with this. The latest is while he is going off to sleep I see some twitching so I have panicked thinking they are seizures. I showed a video to peditrician and he said didnt looked seizure related but more like sleep starts because it was repitious or something like that. He said to do a second opinion with a neurologist, so I am worried well. Does he think it is if he referring to a neurologist?

Due to all this stress and worry I believe it contributed to my miscarriage because I was in extreme panick the entire time. My doctor put me on Zoloft for OCD but lost my insurance so I doubt Im going to be able to go back to the doctor or afford the perscriptions..

[kconnors]

Hi,

I am sorry for your experiences and I am not a professional so all I am able to do is to lend some words of encouragement.

I do think that you are in an anxiety state because you had a miscarriage and now you worry about anything and everything that happens with your child. Kids do get bumps and bruises but you are projecting onto the child your anxieties and this will have an effect on the child. You have had the child at the doctor's and they have done extensive testing and you have seen specialists, etc. I think that your pediatrician is referring you for a second opinion with a neurologist in order to help you to manage your anxiety.

It is important that you do seek professional intervention. You need to find the root cause of your anxiety and perhaps it is related to your miscarriage so you will need to work through the possibility that the miscarriage had a greater effect on you than you realize. If you cannot afford to go to the doctor or afford the prescription, please check into community-based organizations that may be able to find another means to cover these costs. You need help for yourself, and by doing that you will help your child. Do you have a family support system? Friends?

Even though we cannot help you directly, please come back and keep in touch with us so we have an idea of how you are doing, okay? Take care, KC

[ncmomma]

Thank you for your nice words, Kconners. Actually I think maybe the original trigger was my moms breast cancer( doctors missed it ). I believe my anxiety/panics caused my miscarriage but it defintely didnt make things easier on me. I do feel like a basket case. I am better at certain moments then I get a hot feeling in the pit of my stomach and start panicking/worrying that something is wrong with my kid.

I have about drove my family bonkers, especially my husband. I talk to my mom and she says she was very similar when she was my age but kind of got better. She has panic/anxiety for a long time but I think mine is a little worse, my sister also suffers(suicidal tendenacies,cutter). so some family history pattern I guess.

[kconnors]

Hi,

I think that you are beginning your process . . . you yourself grew up in a context of anxiety, especially given that your Mom's cancer went undiagnosed. This seems to be a root cause of your own . . . anxiety because you feel that something with your child may go undiagnosed . . . in families, there can be a cycle wherein anxiety becomes a pattern that is passed from generation to generation . . . you appear to be a strong person who wants to protect your child, but, I think that being overprotective especially with health issues may just succeed in passing the cycle of anxiety to another generation. Perhaps you could use your strength and your maternal commitment to breaking the pattern for your child by seeking intervention whenever possible for yourself so that you can manage your anxiety . . . I won't lie to you that the process is easy, but I do truly sense that you have the strength to do so for yourself and for your child . . . .you may not receive the support that you want or need from your family . . . not because, necessarily, they don't want to do so, but probably because they have become comfortable, if you will, with the dynamics of anxiety . . . for that reason, you may need to seek out external support for your journey . . . please, though, remember, that as much as we can, we will support you here on the site . . . take care, kc

[AnxietyJoe]

Check with your county or and state whic I'm sure they provide mental health services either at low or zero cost

[ncmomma]

Again thank you KConners for taking the time to respond to me, you are encouraging and kind without being judgemental. It does help to talk to others than rather to battle these demons by myself. You are right need to break this string of issues, maybe my son will take after my husband he worries for nothing. I kind of got hit pretty hard with issues of "nervouness" with either medicated or hospitalized for break downs on mothers side. So that in combination with my dads side not mental breaks downs but were always like "ooohh be careful this or that might happen" or that could be this or that"  .. so that with anxiety mixed created ME.    I have no idea why I am posting all of this info, Id say its probably my mind trying to avoid an anxiety attack tonight.     

[kconnors]

Hi,

Well, I always find posting helps to get it out of me so the thoughts do not rumble around in my head gaining speed and picking up anxiety . . . as children and even as adults we learn behaviours either directly or indirectly . . . .directly from someone telling us over and over again a warning whether it is true or not and indirectly just from an environment where anxiety is always present and we do not have the strategies to process it . . . we accept that something "could" happen but we do not realize that it does not necessarily happen or that what happens does not necessarily have to be negative . . . the good news is that a behaviour can be unlearned or replaced with another behaviour . . . .basis of CBT actually . . . .it takes work but I sense that once you are able to engage in the process and manage the input from family and reframe it, you will be able to manage your anxiety and help your child to grow up in a positive environment . . . .just take it one day at a time realizing that there are bumps in the process, but it is learning a new skill . . .keep checking in with us if only to say hi and let us know how you are doing, okay? Take care, kc