A very TOUGH time of year & trying to stay strong...

[Fenway77]

I live in Wisconsin.  This time of year has always been very hard on me.  The rush of the holidays is over...and now I'm just faced with the long, cold and dark months ahead.  I guess you could call it "cabin fever" but my toughest days have always been during the months of January through March.  There is something about being stuck inside.  I leave for work in the morning when it's dark...and when I leave to come home it's dark.  I do not sit near a window at work.  The fake lights really mess with my head...and the cold weather outside does not leave much opportunity for exercise outdoors (in warmer months...I'm outside as much as I can).

I've been trying light therapy and Vitamin D supplements this year.  I think they're helping a bit.  I also see my therapist on a more regular basis.  I should mention that I'm better right now than I've been in years past.  I am trying to be proactive...rather than reactive.

It just seems like my HA starts out in early winter and it is hard to get past.  It just builds upon itself and it grows and grows and grows.  Here is an example of my current status: I noticed a perceived "weakness" in my hands, wrists and forearms just over a month ago.  I say perceived because I do not think it's actually limited my ability to do anything...I just feel this weakness.  I type nearly nine hours a day, however, so I do have a logical explanation for it (if I chose to believe it).  This weakness caused me to start thinking about some neurological disease (MS, ALS, etc).  I then became obsessed with a tightness/weakness in my right calf muscle.  It's a sensation that I know I've felt before (multiple times, I think)...but now I could tie it into the arm weakness.  My next concern was that I started to obsess that vision in my left eye was worse then the vision in my right.  This is most noticeable when I'm wearing my contacts.  Now, I know my vision in my left eye is a tick worse than my right.  It's not enough to warrant a different prescription...but it is worse.  I, of course, have tied this into the other two concerns.  The most recent "symptom" I've added is that I suddenly decided that my speech sounded "thick" on Saturday morning...like I was struggling to say my "th" sounds and my "s" sounds.  I've bundled all of these together to reinforce my initial concern and it just gets stronger and stronger.

I know the chance of it all "being in my head" high.  I've been down this road so many times before...but I feel powerless to stop it. 

It gets to the point where it really does effect my life because it takes so much joy away from the things I should be enjoying.  It becomes an obsession.  I start to self-test myself...and that then becomes an obsession in itself.  It's nuts.

[SighNoMore]

Oh Fenway, I am so sorry! I don't live where it gets horribly wet and cold, but winter does a number on me too! I always think after the holidays there is somewhat of a let down no matter what is happening.

When you start to feel yourself obsessing try and counter those thoughts with two positive self-talk thoughts. I know it is easier said than done, but my counselor basically said I have to learn to feed the good, and stop feeding the monster. It often takes me two good/positive thoughts to balance the crappy thoughts.

You are so right, it is a very vicious cycle. I think it is positive that you are realizing that it is a cycle. You can stop this, and you have the control to stop it. Praying that instead of feeling powerless you feel powerful and get this behind you!

[Fenway77]

You are exactly correct.  I was just thinking this morning how I keep "feeding the monster"!  I used those exact words.  My therapist has told me this, too.  Anxiety truly is like a monster...and it has a HUGE appetite!  It's just waiting for you to feed it with worry and obsession!  It wants you go consult Doctor Google.  It wants you to assume the worst and to make connections that are not truly there.  It just doesn't make it better.  The more you give it...the hungrier it gets and the worse you feel.  It doesn't make any sense.  The idea of killing it with kindness is a GREAT idea.  I think positive thoughts can be like poison to the anxiety monster.  It's tough to stay mindful of that...but we all need to stay mindful of that fact.

I guess I also have to remind myself that each day that I get through is one day closer to spring and warm weather.  The cold, bleak Wisconsin winter gets to people without anxiety...and for those of us unlucky enough to suffer from anxiety...it's even worse!  Ugh!!!

[floridaguy65]

Hi F:)

Well, in your original post and your follow-up reply, you express very good insights as to what's going on and how you can, likely, help yourself. This is wonderful:)

We will always be our own best help. Listen to what you write. If it helps, write it down more often:)

Peace and Feel Well:)

[gridder]

I understand! I live in WI as well, and am "lucky" enough to have most of January off of work. Most people think this is amazing, but it just leaves me more time to worry. Hence, why I am obsessing about and googling the flu! Your post inspired me to try to be more proactive. Exercise is a must for me, and I am going to make sure I exercise first thing in the morning and not wait until I am too tired later in the day. It also helps me to meet people for lunch, etc. I don't know if you can do that if you are working full time.

Hang in there -- we pay a price in winter for the weather, but are rewarded with the most beautiful summers of anywhere!

[Fenway77]

I agree!  I've often said that there is nowhere more beautiful than Wisconsin in the height of summer.  We've got a place up in Three Lakes...and there is nothing like sitting on the dock on a warm, clear evening!

I also agree on the exercise.  I need to do more of it.  It's so easy to get exercise when it's warm out...but tougher for me during winter.  I have a 3-year-old and a 6-month-old.  My wife is a hair designer...so she works many nights. 

[LindaRK]

I certainly feel for you - I live in the Sierra Nevada mountains in California .... we get our winter weather, too and I'm definitely one for cabin fever (as are many of our neighbors, too LOL!)  In fact, we don't even have any measureable snow yet and I already had my first tantrum on Sunday wanting to go into the city because I had to get out of here.

I think it's great that you realize what's going on - that's the first step.  You know what to expect, but now it's important to work on not bring those expectations to term ..... exercise is a good start.  I have a treadmill and a Bowflex.  I use both religiously and it really, really helps with my anxiety.  In nicer weather, I get outdoors and walk.  I also snowshoe in the winter - maybe you want to try that.  It certainly gets the heartrate up and that's important and works to our advantage.

[Nofeetmode]

I can attest to the miserable winters in Wisconsin. The first snow looks lovely but soon after that it all turns brown, turns to slush and then freezes over. You might get eight or nine decent daylight hours, most if that will be overcast. Activities are pretty much limited to ice fishing or drinking. Its just a really difficult time of year to stay healthy, mentally or physically.