I'm so happy to have found this forum. After spending years of googling many different symptoms, I thought it might actually be a good idea to google anxiety rather than these 'symptoms' I continue to have.
So here is my story,
I have had anxiety for years, but medically only a few months. Isn't it funny how you consider many of the things you do to be normal until you speak to people about them and discover that actually these things aren't normal? Doesn't everyone lay awake at night worrying about a twitch in their eye? Doesn't everyone get the sick feeling inside of their stomach everytime they think about a long drive? Doesn't everyone check an email over 7 or more times before sending it to make sure that it is written perfectly and to make sure that anything you write in it won't be embarrassing? I thought I was just a hypochondriac, turns out its more generalised!
I remember the exact moment that my anxiety started, however at the time I was unaware of what exactly was happening to me. It may sound silly but it was when I had found out that Heath Ledger had died and it hit me really hard. Not because I knew him, but because it made me think about how short life can be. What if my life ended tonight? That idea just scares me to death (not literally, fortunately!) That night I suffered my first panic attack.
Since then, my anxiety has been a very prominent part of my life. I worry about all things. Sometimes the worry doesn't get the better of me; sometimes it does. I'm very much the type of person that when one worry disappears, another one takes it place. More often than not it tends to be health related (cancer), but it does present itself in other areas of my life and can often suck the enjoyment out of anything and everything. When it got to the point at which it affected my job (I'm a year 1 teacher and as you can imagine, its probably not nice being taught by a teacher who suffers from severe anxiety!) I decided to speak to my doctor about it. I refuse to take meds (what if I take them before I go to bed and don't wake up?) so I opted for CBT. This worked in the short term, however I am finding it more and more difficult and feel like I am doing this b myself now that the sessions have stopped.
A new thing that has happened to my anxiety is that I seem to give it a time scale. What if I die before I do this? etc. I'm getting married in October to the most incredible man who has helped me with my anxiety more than he would ever know, but all I keep on thinking about is, what if I die before we get married? Which kind of zaps the excitement out of the whole affair! I'm only 24 years old for goodness sake!
I feel like I have gone on for a long time now and this is very out of character for me! Must have something to do with the fact its 3oclock in the morning and I'm scared to sleep!
Anyways, hi everyone! I look forward to chatting with you all! x