[New Member] Another Lymph Node question and worry :-(

[JohnCase]

Hi everyone,

My name is John and I am a relatively healthy 32 yo male from NY.  I have never, ever suffered from Anxiety or hypochondria in my life; until recentley.  I was laid off a little over a year ago and my 29 yo little sister was murdered by her husband this past July. 

Ever since this, I have put on weight, started smoking again and become a depressed mess.

I have always been a gym rat, took excellent care of myself.  But since losing my sister who was my best friend, I have become a paranoid, angry, depressed and anxious person.

Since the passing of my sister, I began obsessing about the health of my parents and even myself. Googling every ache, pain, headache, cough and sneeze.  Doing so has turned me into someone who feels that I always have some sort of cancer or disease.

About two months ago, I finally went out with my cousins and ended up drinking a little too much and woke up the next day with a bad sore throat. I had this sore throat for about five days.  About a day or two after that, I started feeling around my body checking for symmetry everywhere and found that I had a really small "lump" on my neck.  It is about an inch below my chin on the front part of the right side of my neck, throat area.  I freaked out and really examined the hell out of it. I noticed its about the size of a small pea.  Its small enough that I have to dig into my neck to move it around.  But it moves freely.  Its not hard at all.

A month and thousands of pokes, prods and Google searches later I was convinced I had Lymphoma and went to my GP.  I told him everything that has happened with my sister and my hypochondria and also the lump.  He felt around and couldnt really find it. I had to show him where it was and even after that he seemed to brush it off.

In the end, the doctor didnt prescribe me any antibiotics or medicine, but referrals to a Physiologist. He said that he feels most of my "health issues" or worries are stress related and that if the node gets bigger or doesn't go away in a month to come back.

The node has actually gotten a little smaller over the past month. I still touch it every morning and sometimes find myself really aggravating it to the point the whole right side of my neck will be sore from me checking for other lymph nodes. Ive even made my underarm and groin areas hurt from constantly checking for lumps or nodes.  I never found any.

My question to everyone is, has anyone experienced a node like this that wont completely go away? Has anyone had experience with cancerous nodes that could tell me what one would feel or look like?

I am not used to talking about myself like this. So please excuse me if I ramble or dont make sense.  I was once the type of guy who didnt fear anything and I find myself now, felling like a lost child with no courage.  Its pretty shameful. 

Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this.

[atleswoolf]

First off, don't be embarrassed about talking about these issues.  We all have them here, or else we wouldn't be here. 

I've had lymphoma worries for the last seven months, and have visited scads of doctors who have poked and prodded me everywhere that I've asked to be poked and prodded, and not one of them has had the slightest bit of concern about any node on my body.  I keep thinking that they're changing, enlarging, growing, only to be told once again that they're fine. 

Given the year you've had, I'm pretty confident that your health anxieties are a result of stress -- you're deflecting the pain of what you've experienced onto bodily "symptoms."  I do this myself, so I understand what you're going through.  What I can stress, however, is that seeing a psychologist trained in cognitive behavioral therapy will help you.  It's helped me.  I'm far from "cured" yet (whatever that means, when dealing with hypochondria), but I'm better.  I also take Xanax as needed, when the anxiety is really bad.  So, take your doctor's advice, and locate a therapist who is skilled in this area.  I think you'll be glad you did.

Be well.

[DizzyKangaroo]

There's no reason at all to feel shame for your anxiety-- we're all anxiety sufferers here, after all! I've had more than one doctor tell me that lymph nodes can take a long time to go down, even months. If you touch them a lot it can aggravate them, also keeping them from going down. Also, cancerous nodes tend to be rock hard and totally immobile, not at all like yours.

[JohnCase]

Thank you guys for your reply.  Yea, I have read that if your nodes are hard, or immobile then thats a problem. But the term hard is relative.  I am guessing that they mean hard like an actual rock? What about size? Wouldnt the node grow over the course of a couple months if it was cancerous?

Also, I am going to seriously consider seeing a therapist in the time being.

Thanks again.

[atleswoolf]

Yes, I've heard from several doctors that they'd be hard like a rock, or at least hard like a basketball, with that kind of rubbery consistency.  If the node is tender and moveable, it's probably okay.  And as for size, I've been told if it's bigger than 1 or 1 1/2 inches, then it should be looked at.  If it's pea-sized or small bean-sized, it's probably okay. 

Do try cognitive behavioral therapy.  I think it'll help tremendously.  Find a therapist you like.  It might take a while to find one -- it's a little bit like dating. :)

[annoyingwife21]

Been there- my lymph node sounds like its in the exact same spot as yours! Do not worry. My never has really shrunk smaller than a pea. You are ok. Be glad you had a sore throat because you body obviously was fighting some sort of infection. According to my PCP it can take up to 4mos for a lymph node to shrink to normal size and touching it all the time will not allow it to shrink-that can make it stay the same size. Your fine quit touching it! Pea size or bean size if normal.

[JohnCase]

Thank you Wife! 

What you said seems to be the consensus on this forum :-)

I started going back to the gym, keeping my mind busy and trying to keep my hands away from my neck.  I never had a node, well i never noticed one before and having a lump freaked me out.

Thank you again.