My name is John and I am a relatively healthy 32 yo male from NY. I have never, ever suffered from Anxiety or hypochondria in my life; until recentley. I was laid off a little over a year ago and my 29 yo little sister was murdered by her husband this past July.
Ever since this, I have put on weight, started smoking again and become a depressed mess.
I have always been a gym rat, took excellent care of myself. But since losing my sister who was my best friend, I have become a paranoid, angry, depressed and anxious person.
Since the passing of my sister, I began obsessing about the health of my parents and even myself. Googling every ache, pain, headache, cough and sneeze. Doing so has turned me into someone who feels that I always have some sort of cancer or disease.
About two months ago, I finally went out with my cousins and ended up drinking a little too much and woke up the next day with a bad sore throat. I had this sore throat for about five days. About a day or two after that, I started feeling around my body checking for symmetry everywhere and found that I had a really small "lump" on my neck. It is about an inch below my chin on the front part of the right side of my neck, throat area. I freaked out and really examined the hell out of it. I noticed its about the size of a small pea. Its small enough that I have to dig into my neck to move it around. But it moves freely. Its not hard at all.
A month and thousands of pokes, prods and Google searches later I was convinced I had Lymphoma and went to my GP. I told him everything that has happened with my sister and my hypochondria and also the lump. He felt around and couldnt really find it. I had to show him where it was and even after that he seemed to brush it off.
In the end, the doctor didnt prescribe me any antibiotics or medicine, but referrals to a Physiologist. He said that he feels most of my "health issues" or worries are stress related and that if the node gets bigger or doesn't go away in a month to come back.
The node has actually gotten a little smaller over the past month. I still touch it every morning and sometimes find myself really aggravating it to the point the whole right side of my neck will be sore from me checking for other lymph nodes. Ive even made my underarm and groin areas hurt from constantly checking for lumps or nodes. I never found any.
My question to everyone is, has anyone experienced a node like this that wont completely go away? Has anyone had experience with cancerous nodes that could tell me what one would feel or look like?
I am not used to talking about myself like this. So please excuse me if I ramble or dont make sense. I was once the type of guy who didnt fear anything and I find myself now, felling like a lost child with no courage. Its pretty shameful.
Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this.