What started it all for you?

[stephconn]

My now four year journey with anxiety and panic began when my mother-in-law moved in with us. It caused, and still causes, great strain on my marriage. I hate the fact that we have absolutely no privacy, the fact that she attempts to "take over", and how needy she is. Over the years, I have struggled to accept the things that I can't change, and this is definitely one of them. Learning to accept instead of being bitter is helping, but it will take time.

So, what started others on thei journey? What was the trigger? Just curious....

[PinkIcePrincess]

Hi stephconn,

 Wow ok well I can tell ya right now if my Mother in Law moved in with Us I would be moving out !! So sorry ,My mother in law is very odd so no way could I she live with Us and my Hubby would not be able to take it either.. so you have a reason to feel like you do and your Mother In Law may be way better..I do love mine yes but not to live with.

 Mine started at a young age when my Parents divorced and Mom had took off sold all our stuff and we lost our home had to move to my Grandparents farm and I then molested by a family member so it started years ago but back then no one talked about it so I went on just always anxious I guess like being around guys made me feel scared but I did marry at age 18 had a baby ,divorced remarried to a man that beat me and tried to kill me then divorced again lived life and worked bought my own home then got married again lol...worked and ended up having to be my Grandmothers POA and place her in the nursing home where I worked during that time at home my hubby was always complaining about my son well my hubby suffered with OCD and was not a Christian at the time so between home,work,Grandma I started feeling odd so  I went to the Doc he says well you are depressed I said I dont feel depressed and I do not even know what that feels like so I believed him and started Prozac HOLY MOLY what a mistake at first wow I was full of energy and losing weight felt awesome then one night about 3 wks in BAM!! Full Blown Panic Attack had no clue what one was and thought I was dying from a stroke!!! The EMT'S came and removed me from the commode not fun!! I was taken to the er gave an Ativan Drip and told to stop the Prozac..wow so that is how it started really bad then I had a total hysterectomy well that sure made me worse..
  I was fired,my grandmother passed away and I became agoraphobic...Mom had Melanoma of the eye lost it ,Dad had a massive heart attack he is alive thank God,My son had graduated and moved out in 2002.. so from 2001 it has been a road hard to drive on!!!
  I found out in October I have a Brain Tumor not suppose to be Cancerous but until surgery wont know!!
  Now ya know part of my life only a small part...so I do not ask why I have it I ask why wouldn't I have it??
  Good Luck on your healing and you will overcome it!!
  PinkIcePrincess

[ncmomma]

For me I have always have anxiety/ocd since i was little. Started with intrusive bothersome thoughts. I think in adulthood my trigger was I had a frightening experience with my son when he was born. Through the grace of God things turned out in the end good, but the experience during kind of set me off. I was afraid at first to bond.  Then about year and half later my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, one of my biggest fears for some time with her for some reason and ended up happening. After that for the last three years I have struggled with a constant worry about something happening. I think that since I really didn't think deep down my mom would end up with breast cancer, that now if it dont obesse over everything little thing then that one time(again) its really going to be something bad.

[Stop_my_worry]

Hmm..I blame my mother for this but then again I blame most of my psychological problems on her, rightfully or wrongfully.  I might have had it since God put me on this earth but I found it most noticeable during my teenage years due to her parenting.  Although, don't get me wrong she was a good and kind person and I went to the best schools and never went without anything but she was not cut out to be a mother, not emotionally anyway.

Back to the story, I've always remembered myself being an optimistic and trusting child in primary school years (maybe too optimistic and trusting looking back now) but my mother who had (has) undiagnosed GAD (I'm 1000% sure she does) used to drill into me the fact that the world was a big, bad place and that majority of people were out there to hurt, sabotage or take advantage of me as soon as I walk out the door might have had a lot to do with it.  Every time someone or something did end up disappointing me, she would do the "I told you so" which could have planted the "paranoid, suspicious" seed in my head.  After years of mistakes, heartaches, disappointments then reaffirms in my head what she had pointed out to me throughout my childhood even though all of the above are just facts of life.

Oh Gosh, I hope I don't continue to sabotage my life and end up old, bitter and twisted!

[TomRainKing]

I've always had it, but never really knew what it was so that actually helped growing up.  8 years ago i was working out way too hard on an elliptical.  My heartrate was up to the 170s and then i stopped to get off.  I'll never forget the feeling that my feet were'nt hitting the ground.  I was so paniced i almost stopped at the front desk to tell them i was having a heart attack.  I didn't, and proceeded to do 90mph home.  Called my wife to help me out of the car, but as soon as i pulled in the parking lot i was fine...went inside terrified of what happened.  Been dealing with it ever since. 

[howifeel]

Had it since I was 10, but freebasing cocaine at 18 really sent it over the edge. Very bad memories that will never go away. Triggers some ugly stuff. Haven't used in several years, but the memory is permanent. If you have had GAD and try cocaine, good luck!

[Sefiran]

I don't really remember having a specific trigger but I do remember that the first time my experience happened, all I had been doing was walking into one of my classes in junior high. I sat down and something in my head snapped and it's like I became too aware of myself and my existence and I couldn't do anything at all.

[Helj]

Interesting on the MIL, because I think if I was having these symptoms and they were caused by the MIL moving in, I would force that situation to change. Health trumps all, but we all have our own situations.

For me, I was always a "worry wort". I stressed about finances, career, kids being given fair treatment on the soccer/basketball team, how others might judge me/us, which car was the right car for me to buy, and all of that stuff - but it never affected me physically.

For me, I presume it was this sequence that sent me over the edge:

Dec 7th: My company tells the entire firm that they will be closing in 3 weeks. Merry Christmas ...
Dec 14th: We are waiting to find out which lucky few will be able to stick around a few more months to help wind down. I am not one of them.
Dec 20th: Firm finally tells us what the severance package will be (turns out there is no severance, but we get a hefty end of year bonus)
Mid-January: I am now interviewing with 7-8 different firms, dealing with grueling interviews that last up to 6 hours. This same week, my dad goes to ER for emergency surgery.
One day after this brutal week, I have a panic attack in the shower, home alone, and think I am having a heart attack.

I have been overly sensitized every since. I hear every heart beat, feel every tick of pain or tightness in my muscles. Aches in my calves are obviously life threatening blood clots. I am afraid to go jogging or go skiing. Afraid to shovel snow. Doctors have done tests and tell me it's just anxiety, but doubt creeps in.

It's like a switch was turned on, randomly, and I can't switch it off. My wife is not sympathetic, and is more annoyed than anything. I also can't bring myself to get it on in the sack, as trying to do so now causes me palpitations. Brutal.

[Vuul]

In 2009 i had a panic attack, my chest felt so tight i was convinced i had a panic attack.

It was 2 am, I woke up my stepdad, he sat with me in the livingroom. His father died of a heart attack, he knew i what it was, so he told me to get a breath calm down and go back to sleep.
I felt sick a whole 3 months after that. Now it comes in waves.

[Genti]

I have GAD mainly because I lived the war of Kosovo. I lost my sister there and for 10 years straight I lived a ''normal'' life till 4 years ago when I had my first panic attack while taking a caffee.

[cutecat25]

Why did she move in with you, is she ill?
Have you spoken to your partner about this? I'm sorry its caused you so much anxiety 

I cant pinpoint one exact cause to my anxiety, looking back i was always an anxious child, but i remember it becoming more serious when a girl in my school died of a brain tumor when i was 13, and that set of years of health anxiety, I also had ocd.
Then last year i had a dizzy spell and since then i have developed horrible panic and derealisation.

[AMRELP2712]

I have always been one to kind of freak out in a sense, google away my sympthoms... but never actually PANIC.. or have panic sympthoms.
I got pregnant in Dec of last year, and never noticed any differences but went through a lot of hardships thru out my pregnancy and once I had my son three days later... BOOM... my first panic attack. (that at the time, I did not know was a panic attack) I thought I was dying... six months later here I am trying to cope with this very real disease every day hopefully, it will turn into a happy ending :)
I hope that you will feel better and find a way from this anxiety!

[lcfrogs]

I think puberty caused my anxiety. I was a pretty happy and outgoing child and then, all of the sudden, puberty kicked in when I was 10 or 11. I went from shouting out in class and being a "weird" child to just being painfully quiet and shy. I didn't realize at the time that this was actually social phobia. I was paranoid that if I said anything then it would sound stupid and people might make fun of me. I was afraid of being embarrassed. My GAD, on the other hand, did not hit me all of the sudden like my social anxiety did. The GAD was very gradual and really didn't start to get bad until my eating disorder started when I was 16. Restricting calories and bingeing/purging was a good yet unhealthy way to deal with the anxiety...so when I finally started to recover from my eating disorder two years ago, my anxiety and depression hit me in the face at full force. Now I am finally working on the anxiety, which was really the underlying cause of my eating disorder. This will definitely take awhile, as I am basically afraid of EVERYTHING!!!