thanks everyone, sounds like we are all in the same boat! After i posted my original comment, i got off this website and started googling ways to deal with anxiety, and i found this awesome tip. It basically said that if you try to not think about something, then you will think about it more. It's actually way the brain allows us to protect ourselves. An analogy was "think about a pink elephant. Now try not to think about it for the next 5 minutes." See how hard that is, your brain wants to think about that stupid pink elephant. Same thing is happening to us. We worry about worry about worry, i guess maybe it is fear of the unknown, or what if's? but whatever it is, the more we try not to think about it, the more we think about it, and the crazier and on edge it makes us feel. So to combat this, you start a "worry journal" and set a designated time period each day for about 20 minutes where you can worry. So each day, everytime you start to worry about something, write it down, and tell yourself i will not worry or entertain this thought until my designated worry time.
So, after i found this tip online, i wrote down my current thoughts that were bothering me. I had 10 things i was worrying about, such as, will i ever be normal? Am i going insane? What if i never return to normal? Will i be like this until the day i die? Will my husband be able to deal with me in this condition? What if i freak out in front of everyone? I have to go to the food store and what if i freak out in front of everyone or puke in front of everybody? what if i get that weird tingly feeling in front of everyone?
So, after i wrote all that down, i looked at it and i thought, sounds like i am afraid of the unknown, and of things i don't have control over or answers to. And then i thought, how the heck am i going to be able to not have racing thoughts about this stuff until my designated worry time? Well, i designated my worry time for 7:00 to 7:20 tonight. I don't know why, but for some reason it is working. Every time i feel bad i write it down, then tell myself it has to wait until tonight at my worry time.
In the meantime, I actually went to the mall with my daughter. I have agoraphobic tendencies. I DID IT! I was feeling kind of like i would hyperventilate on the way there so i did breathing exercises in the car while driving. After about a minute in the mall, i was feeling stronger. Then when we left i felt really proud of myself and i realized that is my problem. I build up this fear about actually doing something, but i always feel better once im out doing it. So i want to keep exposing myself to outside stuff because even though it is hard to get out, it actually is helping me. I came home and dropped my daughter off. I then went out to the food store by MYSELF and was there about 40 minutes. I couldn't believe it. I was so happy and proud. When i came home, the anxiety was starting up again, and i said no, i am allowed to worry but not until my worry time, and i can't believe it but either the zoloft is starting to work again or this technique along with breathing exercises is working, or maybe it's a combo of both.
Yesterday i had a really bad day and i didn't leave the house. Today was starting that way but leaving the house helped greatly. 3 days ago (friday), i worked all day and that helped me too. So that is the answer. I have to stay active no matter what. If i stay home i am left with my thoughts and that is not good for me or for anyone. It is so scary to go out sometimes but i am always ok when i do go out, so i just have to keep going out and doing things, even stupid things, just as long as im out in public, it really seems to help.
So, Im actually feeling good right now. Tomorrow i have work. I work for a busy doctor's office. Tonight when i take zoloft it will be my 12th night of taking it. I hope this worry journal thing helps some of you. Take care and until tomorrow..... let's take it minute by minute :)))