I'm amazed how bad my anxiety has been this week.

[reasonableland]

So I found this breast lump, and since then my anxiety has been at levels I have not experienced since I developed HA in the first place. I don't remember having been so distraught. And all the s**t I know just ain't so is totally running roughshod over me. I'm expecting the worst possible news, I'm having near constant physical symptoms, and I'm Losing to all the usual things like what-ifs, imagining outcomes, the "this time is different", and every other cognitive bias we can get. I'm almost always on the verge of tears, and my appetite has disappeared. I keep envisioning the doc giving me the news.

I'm honestly amazed by how bad it is. I've been managing my anxiety so well for months, running, sleeping well, achieving new successes, and this lump has thrown me out the window.

I'm do disappointed by this down swing. and I'm scared.

[reasonableland]

And I hate how damned SURE I feel. Like I want to turn to my SO and say "it's BC" like I know it. It's like I'm *expecting it*.

When I see my doc I'm going to let her know everything because this is just too much right now.

[vardnas]

I would definitely encourage you to not be disappointed. As a lot of people on here who have gotten their anxiety down to manageable levels will tell you—keeping your stress down is definitely an ongoing, far-from-perfect process. I know for me, even though I'm not panicking over every little thing in my body any more, not monitoring myself anymore, I still have a lot of fearful thoughts about my health, it's just that I no longer give them a lot of credence. Just a couple of weeks ago, I was doing a pretty vigorous aerobics workout and the middle finger of my left hand started to hurt. My very first thought was OMG HEART ATTACK, but, as I continued to work out, I countered that irrational thought with logic. I'd just completed a move that required me to push the majority of my body weight with my hands—0534, I wonder why my hand would have hurt? That plus I'm a 32-year-old female with no family history of heart disease. The likelihood that the pain in my finger was cardiac-related was slim to none, so I pressed on and eventually it went away.

What I'm trying to say is that these types of health-anxious thoughts will probably always be a part of our lives. The difference is how we manage them when they pop up. You've been doing well; you have proven recovery strategies, so recognize this is a bit of a bump in the road, some turbulence if you will, and carry on. Keep doing what you know works—counter your thoughts and recognize that in a week, two weeks, you WON'T feel this way.

Don't be hard on yourself, this is normal. You've got this.

[laura124]

Breast lumps are really common.  And statistically a breast lump is more likely to be benign than cancer.  My sister gets them ALL the time.  And actually so are ovarian cysts.  I don't know a woman that hasn't had one at some point.  Of course, anything I say is not going to ease your mind until you see your doctor. 

The thing with having anxiety is you never know when it's going to strike full force again, even with you think your managing it so well.  You'll get through this. Keep up with the running! 

[reasonableland]

Thanks folks.

Anxiety was a lot better today - I got a cold!! It's hard to be anxious with a cold, so I just stayed in front of the tv all day!!

I got my checks lower, only did 3 today, and no googling all weekend!

I'll make the doc apt first thing in the morning on Monday and hopefully have this whole thing settled soon. I'll discuss my anxiety-strategy with the doc at the same time.