Irrational HIV/STD fears hindering my sex life!!! Grrrr!!!

[Bunglefever]

 Hello errrrrybody. Been a while since I've posted. I've been doing really, really well since I last posted heavily.

 I've since been strength training/bodybuilding and have become a personal trainer. I feel great, look good and things are well... now onto why I'm here.

 A hypo is like an alcoholic, always in recovery with chances for relapse. Recently, I've had this very irrational fear that everyone I could possibly encounter sexually has an STD, more specifically, HIV. Now, to get a little personal without being too crude, I met a girl online about a month and a half ago. We've been talking, chatting etc... she finds me very attractive, I find her attractive and we've kind of agreed on a deal where she's offered to "take care of me" in a specific way that doesn't involve actually fornicating, you get the idea... Anyway, we're supposed to meet tonight and all I can think about are the chances and possibilities of something going wrong. She lives near D.C. and this stupid statistic I heard a while back on NPR is flashing through my head "1 in 5 D.C. area residents are infected with HIV" I can't just live in the moment and kind of take advantage of having a very nice body and being a decent looking dude. On top of it, I've lost 3 lbs in a week, and for some reason my mind can't rationalize that I've been purposefully trying to lose a little fat so I've been at a caloric deficit (eating less than I need to sustain weight) drinking over a gallon of water a day and walking every single day. In my mind I'm like "I've got the HIV! Ahh" because I'm a douche bag.

 I think this stems from a misdiagnosis I recieved over 3 years ago. I blossomed a little late and lost my virginity at 19 to a girl I was madly in love with and in a relatioship with. About a month after our first time, I went to the doctor for some bumps, he told me I had genital herpes... I was upset, my first sexual experience and I have an STD after being single for 19 friggin years. She went and got tested and she was positive as well. So for 2 years we accepted that we had herpes, oh well, we loved each other and didn't want anyone else. Now... 2 years from that point, she goes for a regular obgyn check up and finds out she never had herpes! So I go and get a blood test EVEN THOUGH my doctor literally chuckled at me for wanting another test. "If you were positive the first time, you're going to be positive again" he laughed, I insisted he test me and what would you know... two years of living with herpes when NEITHER OF US HAD IT!!!

 So therein lies my medical doubts and worries in regard to that kind of thing. I also went to the doc in July of 2010 with a lot of symptoms of DEPRESSION/ANXIETY and the first thing he says is "sounds like a lot of symptoms of HIV" So again, I start freaking the hell out.

 Anyway, I'm supposed to be meeting this girl tonight. She's really pretty, she seems very nice, I've been single for a year now, just want to lead a normal sexual life without fear. Any helpful thoughts of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

[Bunglefever]

C'mon guys, I'm supposed to be meeting this girl in 2 hours lol, I need some encouragement!

[xLorrainex]

My new fear is now HIV, it was a brain tumor and now it's this but for the last couple of days it's pretty much taken over me, a lot of the symptoms of HIV come in the stages where it's close to aids, you will notice your immune system is failing, otherwise there can be no symptoms. The symptoms your doctor said seemed like HIV in my opinion is silly, Anxiety/depression is probably exactly what it is and the more you worry the worse it'll get. In western countries HIV is not all that common in heterosexual people, and it's mainly predominant in male homosexuals and African/Caribbean people. And apparently it's common for a lot of heterosexuals to get it from being in another country where HIV is much more common. All I can really say is be safe, if tonight is your first night meeting her, nothing really needs to happen anyway, plus apparently it's a lot harder for males to catch it from females than the other way round and even then, it's not the easiest thing to catch. I'm sorry if this sounds like drivel, I'm also trying to reassure myself.

[Bunglefever]

Well, not to be too awful but she's a black girl, I'm a white guy, so that kind of adds to the "drama" if you will. I find all women beautiful, this girl happens to be black. I do know statistically speaking; it's more common in black people, even heterosexual black people, AND she's from the D.C. area which again makes me nervous due to the statistics.

 I was just reading something about putting it into perspective in regards to dealing with the worst case scenario. Medically speaking, these days, a lot of doctors, medical experts etc... equate having HIV in a western country to something like having diabetes. It's no longer cutting lives short, it's just kind of putting speed bumps along the way and the frustration of always having to monitor it. So that kind of calmed me down. Plus the chances of transmition from female to male through only oral copulation are very, very slim to none.

[atleswoolf]

Well, your last sentence is the real key here.  And you clearly know (or at least I hope you know) what the guidelines are for safe sex.  As long as you're not coming into contact with her bodily fluids (other than saliva), you'd be fine, even if she's HIV+, which you don't even know, of course.  I say all of this as someone who freaked out about HIV for years and years, was tested a million times, and was always found to be clean.  I spent a lot of time educating myself about how it's transmitted.  It's highly unlikely you could aquire it by having oral sex performed on you. 

[Brody108]

I put myself through a similar frenzy. I have never had sex and have only received oral. That happened in 2005 and I was tested over 3 months after w/ negative and 3-4 years later w/ negative results. With all this proof I've managed to convince myself otherwise...heck even reading what your doctor said put me in a slight frenzy. Hang in there I'm sure you're fine.

Still can't get over how insensitive your doc is and how he would jump to a conclusion like that.

[bertybotts]

I don't want to burst your bubble, but did you get your genital lesions swabbed and tested? Like you actually got them tested while you had them on your genitals? If the test said you are herpes +, that is the right answer. Herpes blood tests are not as accurate. If you got your genital lesion swab test as +, go with that. Don't believe the blood tests, they are not a good diagnostic tool. However, if your doc only diagnosed you based on visually looking, I would believe the blood test.

[Kimdrah]

Stop reading stastics and rap it up. If your really scared then just don't do it. If you are really researching and how hard it is to be transmitted read Poz.com. there are very knowledgeable people on their.

[dahlias]

I 2nd what Kimdrah said. Just be safe. Seriously, it's that simple. Poz.com has some very good information on there, and their board moderators are rational and give you the FACTS. In their opinion, it is a very fickle virus that is very hard to contract unless you're consistently putting yourself at high risk. Good luck and feel better!