Hello errrrrybody. Been a while since I've posted. I've been doing really, really well since I last posted heavily.
I've since been strength training/bodybuilding and have become a personal trainer. I feel great, look good and things are well... now onto why I'm here.
A hypo is like an alcoholic, always in recovery with chances for relapse. Recently, I've had this very irrational fear that everyone I could possibly encounter sexually has an STD, more specifically, HIV. Now, to get a little personal without being too crude, I met a girl online about a month and a half ago. We've been talking, chatting etc... she finds me very attractive, I find her attractive and we've kind of agreed on a deal where she's offered to "take care of me" in a specific way that doesn't involve actually fornicating, you get the idea... Anyway, we're supposed to meet tonight and all I can think about are the chances and possibilities of something going wrong. She lives near D.C. and this stupid statistic I heard a while back on NPR is flashing through my head "1 in 5 D.C. area residents are infected with HIV" I can't just live in the moment and kind of take advantage of having a very nice body and being a decent looking dude. On top of it, I've lost 3 lbs in a week, and for some reason my mind can't rationalize that I've been purposefully trying to lose a little fat so I've been at a caloric deficit (eating less than I need to sustain weight) drinking over a gallon of water a day and walking every single day. In my mind I'm like "I've got the HIV! Ahh" because I'm a douche bag.
I think this stems from a misdiagnosis I recieved over 3 years ago. I blossomed a little late and lost my virginity at 19 to a girl I was madly in love with and in a relatioship with. About a month after our first time, I went to the doctor for some bumps, he told me I had genital herpes... I was upset, my first sexual experience and I have an STD after being single for 19 friggin years. She went and got tested and she was positive as well. So for 2 years we accepted that we had herpes, oh well, we loved each other and didn't want anyone else. Now... 2 years from that point, she goes for a regular obgyn check up and finds out she never had herpes! So I go and get a blood test EVEN THOUGH my doctor literally chuckled at me for wanting another test. "If you were positive the first time, you're going to be positive again" he laughed, I insisted he test me and what would you know... two years of living with herpes when NEITHER OF US HAD IT!!!
So therein lies my medical doubts and worries in regard to that kind of thing. I also went to the doc in July of 2010 with a lot of symptoms of DEPRESSION/ANXIETY and the first thing he says is "sounds like a lot of symptoms of HIV" So again, I start freaking the hell out.
Anyway, I'm supposed to be meeting this girl tonight. She's really pretty, she seems very nice, I've been single for a year now, just want to lead a normal sexual life without fear. Any helpful thoughts of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.