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Author Topic: I can't get past these fears about my son, it's ruining my life.  (Read 643 times)

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Offline oregoncoastlady

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Re: I can't get past these fears about my son, it's ruining my life.
« Reply #10 on: January 05, 2013, 06:40:53 AM »
My son has autism. He was diagnosed when the statistics were 1 in 100,000. Now it's 1 in 88 kids???? I think the spectrum has been diluted by over diagnosing. Now every quirk is being examined. When I see parents saying their child was "cured" of autism I know that the child never had autism. There is no cure.

I never had time to worry about my son having autism because i was too busy dealing with my sons special needs. I still am, and he is 19 years old. It seems a terrible shame that you are missing out on the joys of parenthood because you are worrying about this. My son didn't speak any understandable words until he was five. Was not, and still isn't affectionate. Does not, and never did, play with other children. Never initiated any sort of play with others. He lined up all the silverware on the window sill. Removed all shoes from the closets and lined them up in the hallway. Sensory issues? He would scream if a smoke alarm went off in the neighborhood...his hearing is that sensitive. Has an aversion to light.  Cannot stand the feel of clothing. Too many words overwhelm him. The list of characteristics is endless. He needs round the clock care.

I have one child. I would give my left arm to experience any of the "normal" joys and milestones that a parent experiences. Why would you waste even one of those precious moments to worry because he isn't pointing at things? That is beyond sad. I hope you will try to reel in your worries and spend more time enjoying what you have. 
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Offline Cattia

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Re: I can't get past these fears about my son, it's ruining my life.
« Reply #11 on: January 05, 2013, 06:40:12 PM »
Thank you so much for your replies. Oregoncoastlady thank you for sharing your experiences with your son. It must be hard and frustrating for you to read a post like mine, and I really thank you for taking the time to reply. I know I have to find a way through this. Every time I manage to get a rational handle on things it seems to last about five minutes until I start to experience this horrible sinking fear and dread again. I don't truly know what it's about but I know it isn't healthy or right. I don't have a way forward other than to try to keep rationalizing it and hopefully saving some money for some decent therapy as I was offered telephone CBT and it didn't work for me at all. I have spent so many years of my life suffering with anxiety about all sorts of aspects of my health, but worrying like this about my children feels even worse as their lives mean even more to me than my own.
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Offline sixpack

  • no illogical conclusions please
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Re: I can't get past these fears about my son, it's ruining my life.
« Reply #12 on: January 05, 2013, 06:52:24 PM »
Quote
My son has autism. He was diagnosed when the statistics were 1 in 100,000. Now it's 1 in 88 kids???? I think the spectrum has been diluted by over diagnosing. Now every quirk is being examined. When I see parents saying their child was "cured" of autism I know that the child never had autism. There is no cure.
 

I sooooooo agree with this.

Quote
I never had time to worry about my son having autism because i was too busy dealing with my sons special needs. I still am, and he is 19 years old. It seems a terrible shame that you are missing out on the joys of parenthood because you are worrying about this. My son didn't speak any understandable words until he was five. Was not, and still isn't affectionate. Does not, and never did, play with other children. Never initiated any sort of play with others. He lined up all the silverware on the window sill. Removed all shoes from the closets and lined them up in the hallway. Sensory issues? He would scream if a smoke alarm went off in the neighborhood...his hearing is that sensitive. Has an aversion to light.  Cannot stand the feel of clothing. Too many words overwhelm him. The list of characteristics is endless. He needs round the clock care.
 

sounds a lot like my daughter.  she is 25.  she has a significant brain malformation.  so is she autistic or is it her low brain function?  IDK but doesn't really matter does it?  She is who she is. 

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I have one child. I would give my left arm to experience any of the "normal" joys and milestones that a parent experiences. Why would you waste even one of those precious moments to worry because he isn't pointing at things? That is beyond sad. I hope you will try to reel in your worries and spend more time enjoying what you have.   

that is what is so sad about dx'ing every kid with a quirk as being on the "spectrum".  It makes parents nuts worrying over nothing.  It makes an otherwise normal or shyer kid into something they are not.  AND the parents with kids with REAL autism dreaming of having a child who has  the "quirk autism".
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MOST anxiety occurs on a subconscious level.  JUST because you don't feel consciously anxious or had a day or two of calm doesn't mean your mind & body are relaxed.  It can take months of reduced anxiety before a body goes back to a more non-reactive state

Offline gcalex

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Re: I can't get past these fears about my son, it's ruining my life.
« Reply #13 on: January 05, 2013, 07:29:03 PM »
At the rate the DSM people are going every single person in the world will be diagnosed with some damn disorder or other.  With a son who cannot speak or regulate his own behavior, I find it really hurtful to see the diagnosis of autism extended to kids with a few behaviors.  It's a BS label that enables school districts to get funding and psychologists and "DAN" doctors to get business.  As for the OP, I'm very sorry you are unable to put your son's issue (if he even has one) into proper context. 
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Offline oregoncoastlady

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Re: I can't get past these fears about my son, it's ruining my life.
« Reply #14 on: January 06, 2013, 04:20:13 AM »
So true, six pack and gcalex. I don't even like to say my son has autism because it is almost joke of a diagnosis now. Remember when adhd was being diagnosed like crazy? If a kid had too much energy they were hyper active. I live in a small town and school district.  The kids with "autism" at the high school are able to go to regular classes without an aide helping them. My son had school two hours a week...90% of the time it was at home with a tutor and that was still torture for him. We tried doing two hours a week of the life skills class briefly with the other kids with "autism"...but it didn't work out. The whole autism diagnosis needs to be revamped. Autism is intense and challenging and exhausting. When i see people like Jenny McCarthy  discussing how she cured her son???? It is crazy making nonsense. If the school districts try to "cure" all the kids with quirks it is going to make for a very boring society.
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