Frreaking out over my blood results still!!

[dancer67]

I posted yesterday that I had a bunch of bloodwork done. Everything was good except my fasting blood sugar after 12 hours was 107, and my cholesterol was 210 with triglycerides at 197.
Yes, I have been googling. I know bad. But those high trigs really have ne scared. I have all the factors for metabolix syndrome. High blood pressure, high trigs, smoking, an apple shape where my weight is all in my stomach.
I started today with no sugar in my coffee, and no sweet tea at all. Just coffee with half and half, and seltzer flavored water. Lunch was a banana with roasted chicken breast meat. And Chicken, brown rice and carrots for dinner.

This morning a had my coffee with no sugar and a few sips of orange juice to take my iron. I tested my blood sugar two hours later and it was 89.

I am going to test it again soon because I ate dinner an hour ago.

I feel like I am falling apart at 45. To many health issues for me to deal with. I really feel like I am going to drop dead of a heart atack according to the websites. Trigs are one of the most important tests and alon with my HDL reading the ratio was like 4.123 and it should be under 4. Preferably under 2. And it said "HIGH RISK".

I called and left a message for my primary care Dr. and of course she doesn't call me back. I did not get my results from her, I got them from my hematologists office since I had an iron panel done, and the blood tests that my primary care Dr were done at the same time so that office just gave me the results. So I am sure she hasn't even looked at them yet. I hate that they don't call you back.

I just want to live my life. Eat what I want, drink what I want. I hate all these restrictions, and having to worry about how many carbs I am eating or how much sugar is in something.

I hate all of it. But I want to be around a long time. It just isn't fair. My husband can eat whatever he wants and he takes no medications. I hate it. I'm scared, it is depressing, and it is going to take over my life. Just like my iron does. Now I have this to add to my list. Sometimes I want to bury my head and never emerge.

And, on top of all this, I KNOW she is going to order a A14C test, and another fasting Lipid profile. And if she orders them I have to wait 7 to 10 days for results. I cannot stand waiting. Otherwise, if I could know that day, I would do it. But I am going to be consumed with worry once AGAIN waiting for more results. It was bad enough with my iron. Now I have to deal with all this junk now. I hate being 45. I hate that my body is going through "the change" as that is driving me nuts as well. And to top it off, I cannot even have a darn drink to calm me down.

I had to vent. Thanks for listening,.

[gcalex]

You really need to STOP monitoring your blood sugar, stop obsessing about your blood tests, stop researching, stop all of it right away.  Just do the things to lower the blood sugar we suggested and over time it will come down.  You DO NOT HAVE DIABETES.  You are fine.  You are gonna make yourself sick with the self monitoring throw the damn stuff out!!!!  Compared to millions of people you are very  healthy, you have some minor things that are just markers not current problems and all are easily treatable with some lifestyle changes.  I repeat -- you have NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.  You are making yourself sick at this point.  You can change.

[gcalex]

Seriously, are you now going to spend your life chained to your blood sugar testing kit when you don't have diabetes?  Why would you do that?  Please reconsider your approach.  It is pure self-destruction.

[dancer67]

You really need to STOP monitoring your blood sugar, what's the point?  Just do the things to lower it and over time it will come down.  You DO NOT HAVE DIABETES.  You are fine.  You are gonna make yourself sick with the self monitoring throw the damn stuff out!!!!  Compared to millions of people you are very  healthy, you have some minor things that are easily treatable with some lifestyle changes.

And here is the other thing. I take my blood pressure every day. Once a day. If it is higher then I would like, I take it as much as I need to and hope the numbers come down. My husband took my BP machine away one time, and pulled out the batteries. I FREAKED OUT. Because my BP was reading in the 130's over 90's and I felt like a ticking time bomb. I was crying and screaming, and then I got in bed and couldn't move. I was paralyzed with fear.

And now that my fasting blood sugar was 107, I am convinced I am prediabetic and I better make sure I don't touch a drop of sugar of carb for fear I may end up on insulin. I have this glucose machine to test it, just like I do my BP machine. It is a vicious cycle.

And what about my Trigs?? They are SO high! I feel like between high blood sugar, high blood pressure, and now hogh trigs that a heart attack is coming my way.

And it isn't like I can lower my trigs in a few days. So I feel like my heart is full of sludge just waiting for it to stop beating.

I hate all of this. I hate having to change my lifestyle. Others can eat whatever they want and have perfect cholesterol, no high blood pressure. It makes me so darn angry!!!!

[gcalex]

You are angry cause you have to change your lifestyle?  How do you think people who have cancer, diabetes, ALS, Parkinson's, disabled kids, etc. feel?  Life is not perfect.  What's the point being angry?  Rejoice in your good health.  Make a few modest changes.  You are fine.  STOP the monitoring.  It's a LONG TERM process not a daily, hour by hour thing.

Your trigs are meaningless.  Lower your carb intake moderately and they will come down.  Go reread all your were told yesterday, you seem to have forgotten it or are ignoring it.  There is no heart attack coming your way, not from trigs anyhow.

You need help with your MENTAL issues, if anything.  Try to keep the focus there.

[gcalex]

Repeat since you didn't listen to all the good advice you got yesterday.  You are NOWHERE CLOSE to diabetes.  Why do you insist on rejecting everything we (and I am sure your doctor) say about that? 

[vardnas]

daaaaancer .... take a deep breath and listen.

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I've been having to make lifestyle changes too in order to achieve the goals I want in terms of my health and looks. When I go out with my friends now, I'm totally jealous when I look around and see everyone else enjoying themselves and not worring about gaining weight or whatever. So, I'm not going to tell you to just get over it—it DOES suck.

But, how you approach the changes you make is really up to you. Even though watching what you eat and drink isn't "fun," it will, in the long run, improve the quality of your life. That might be cold comfort at this point, I realize. Beside, you don't HAVE to make changes if you don't want to—this is all up to you.

I'd recommend you start slowly—don't try and change EVERYTHING about your diet and exercise right away. That is a recipe for failure. Pick one thing and focus on that and then move onto the next thing. One month it's sweet tea, the next month it's white bread. You're in this for the long haul, DON'T try and change it all right now.

And as gcalex said, stop monitoring yourself. ALL these things INCREASE your anxiety and probably also your readings. There is no reason for you to monitor yourself all the time. NO REASON. Your high readings are not going to "kill you" right away, triglycerides or anything. Think about it this way—it's taken your readings 45 years to get this high, so they're not going to turn around immediately. But they're also not going to be your undoing any time soon.

If you're not treating your anxiety, I recommend you do that as well.

[dancer67]

You are angry cause you have to change your lifestyle?  How do you think people who have cancer, diabetes, ALS, Parkinson's, disabled kids, etc. feel?  Life is not perfect.  What's the point being angry?  Rejoice in your good health.  Make a few modest changes.  You are fine.  STOP the monitoring.  It's a LONG TERM process not a daily, hour by hour thing.

Your trigs are meaningless.  Lower your carb intake moderately and they will come down.  Go reread all your were told yesterday, you seem to have forgotten it or are ignoring it.  There is no heart attack coming your way, not from trigs anyhow.

You need help with your MENTAL issues, if anything.  Try to keep the focus there.

You sound like my husband and my therapists. Okay, yes I am angry. I am a person who likes to be in control. I am a person who wants to do what they want. I want my own way. I know, it all sounds very selfish. I know life isn't perfect. But I always thought things like this happened to other people. I am jealous of people my age who can eat what they want, take no meds, and just live their life. I take a lot of pills.(Prescription and vitamins). And it just seems like I keep getting more things added to my plate. I think I need to re-read that thread from yesterday. How do you know for sure that my high trig level will not give me a heart attack? According to every Dr. and every reputable website, they say trigs over 150 along with high cholesterol puts you at very high risk.
And this lifestyle change. I am not good at following through with things. So that scares me to.
I know, I need continual help with my HA. I know what I NEED to do, but when I step out of that "HA Box" I feel like a person jumping out of an airplane without a net.

[gcalex]

Your trigs are a little high, but trigs are very responsive to dietary changes.  On the bigger point, I don't mean to sound harsh, but much as I agree with most of what Vardnas says, you do need to get over it in my humble opinion.  Yeah you have some friends for whom life LOOKS easy.  But that isn't the right yardstick to measure yourself by.  First of all, maybe they aren't as carefree as you think.  Even if they are, maybe you are insulated from these people, maybe not, but there are countless people in this world who HAVE the things people here just fear, not to mention profound disabilities and all sorts of other things we should be thanking whoever we believe in that we don't have.  We ALL inhabit this world, and even if it's a politically incorrect thing to say on this forum and I will get trashed for it probably, we need sometimes to put our own issues into context and think about people who suffer worse than we do.  Sure, it sucks, you want to eat and drink what you want, but you can't.  Well, either you can rebel against it or you can bear it lightly, put it into context, and move on.  It's your choice.

[dancer67]

daaaaancer .... take a deep breath and listen.

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I've been having to make lifestyle changes too in order to achieve the goals I want in terms of my health and looks. When I go out with my friends now, I'm totally jealous when I look around and see everyone else enjoying themselves and not worring about gaining weight or whatever. So, I'm not going to tell you to just get over it—it DOES suck.

But, how you approach the changes you make is really up to you. Even though watching what you eat and drink isn't "fun," it will, in the long run, improve the quality of your life. That might be cold comfort at this point, I realize. Beside, you don't HAVE to make changes if you don't want to—this is all up to you.

I'd recommend you start slowly—don't try and change EVERYTHING about your diet and exercise right away. That is a recipe for failure. Pick one thing and focus on that and then move onto the next thing. One month it's sweet tea, the next month it's white bread. You're in this for the long haul, DON'T try and change it all right now.

And as gcalex said, stop monitoring yourself. ALL these things INCREASE your anxiety and probably also your readings. There is no reason for you to monitor yourself all the time. NO REASON. Your high readings are not going to "kill you" right away, triglycerides or anything. Think about it this way—it's taken your readings 45 years to get this high, so they're not going to turn around immediately. But they're also not going to be your undoing any time soon.

If you're not treating your anxiety, I recommend you do that as well.

Okay, deep breath. I need to rationalize. Something I can never do. My dr. has not called me yet. I wish she would. Besides that, I know I shouldn't be hooked up to that glucose thing. I tested 2 hours after a meal of chicken, carrots and brown rice, and drank Almond milk and blood sugar was 98. I guess that really isn't diabetes. Is it. So I need to stop and leave that alone. I think I really have an OCD problem. Like I stated above, I like to be in control. Okay, so this is one thing I CAN control. So it doesn't make sense to focus on that stupid machine and CONTROL my lifestyle and eating habits. I know in the end, it is going to make me feel better. It is just a bug change for me that's all.

I just get very scared because of what happened to my dad. He had a cerebral aneurysm at 48. Back in 1990. He is still alive at 71, but his life totally changed. Paralyzed on one side and now that he is older he cannot even walk with a cane. I am 45. I don't want an aneurysm or heart attack.

I need to focus on positive things, and stop dragging out the negatives. I don't feel like I should be happy with "good health". I feel like I have been told I am very "UNhealthy".

I take a benzo and a tricyclic medication. I have IBS on top of everything(I ONLY get stomach pains, no bowel issues ever), so this medication is supposed to help with my anxiety and depression, and it keeps my pelvic pains away (because those are awful, they hurt so bad I cannot even eat or live my life).

Yes, my husband eats my Reese's PB cups now. I used to eat two packages a day. I have been told I can have one package every other week. As a treat. My Hematologist said to just cut down on my sugar in my coffee and get rid of the sweet tea. That is all he said. Oh, and exercise 3X a week for 20 minutes. But my primary care Dr. has not called yet.

I am tired of being angry, and feeling sorry for myself. I think a lot of it is for attention. I also lost a twin in 1998 and that was a wake up call, that bad things do happen to you and you are not immune from them. So of course, I panic with health issues. I guess I don't like my life interrupted. Somehow I have to come to terms that this is what it is, and accept it. I just don't know how to get there, and I don't know how to stop the excessive worries and thoughts.

[gcalex]

How long have you been on the benzo, which one and how much, if I may ask? 

[dancer67]

Your trigs are a little high, but trigs are very responsive to dietary changes.  On the bigger point, I don't mean to sound harsh, but much as I agree with most of what Vardnas says, you do need to get over it in my humble opinion.  Yeah you have some friends for whom life LOOKS easy.  But that isn't the right yardstick to measure yourself by.  First of all, maybe they aren't as carefree as you think.  Even if they are, maybe you are insulated from these people, maybe not, but there are countless people in this world who HAVE the things people here just fear, not to mention profound disabilities and all sorts of other things we should be thanking whoever we believe in that we don't have.  We ALL inhabit this world, and even if it's a politically incorrect thing to say on this forum and I will get trashed for it probably, we need sometimes to put our own issues into context and think about people who suffer worse than we do.  Sure, it sucks, you want to eat and drink what you want, but you can't.  Well, either you can rebel against it or you can bear it lightly, put it into context, and move on.  It's your choice.

This is what I NEED to hear. I know you are right. But how do I stop? How do I stop these feelings. And how do I get through these times? How can I handle these things? These thoughts? The excessive worrying and OCD. Yes, I nees to GET OVER IT, I just don't know how. Again, I feel if I step out of the HA Box, I feel like I am jumping out of plane without a parachute.It is making my husband very angry and frustrated with me. I know people have it worse then me. I know people are dealing with issues. Maybe I dont see the big picture, and I assume. All I know is I am getting pretty tired of living like this.I need some coping skills, and I don't know how to get them.

[vardnas]

Yes, my husband eats my Reese's PB cups now. I used to eat two packages a day. I have been told I can have one package every other week. As a treat. My Hematologist said to just cut down on my sugar in my coffee and get rid of the sweet tea. That is all he said. Oh, and exercise 3X a week for 20 minutes. But my primary care Dr. has not called yet.

I am tired of being angry, and feeling sorry for myself. I think a lot of it is for attention. I also lost a twin in 1998 and that was a wake up call, that bad things do happen to you and you are not immune from them. So of course, I panic with health issues. I guess I don't like my life interrupted. Somehow I have to come to terms that this is what it is, and accept it. I just don't know how to get there, and I don't know how to stop the excessive worries and thoughts.

Take some comfort knowing that very FEW people can eat two packages of Reese's a day with little or no adverse effects. You are definitely not in the minority there. Your hematologist's advice seems very reasonable and achievable at that.

You say that when you "step outside the HA box," you feel unprotected and like there's nothing there to support you—this is false thinking. Your fear about the unknown, that moment of "stepping out," is a straw man. There's nothing there to be afraid of. In moving ahead, you'll never FEEL safe or okay with stepping out before you do it. The first step is to jump and THEN you'll see there's nothing to fear.

I know it's not for everyone, but I found talk therapy to be very beneficial. It could help you work out any residual grief you have about what happened to your dad and your twin, plus help you get past the feelings of self-pity and control (and anger). It's good that you can see your health fears as a call for attention, and if you take proactive steps to address what is driving those fears and work through those issues, I feel like you'll find the worrying and anxious thoughts will fade as well. It takes time though, and effort. And a desire to do it, most importantly.

[gcalex]

It's perfectly normal to feel the way you do, so don't blame yourself -- again, more negativity you don't need.  If I may politely suggest, take a few minutes each day when you have time for yourself, and think about the things you are thankful for and should be thankful for.  At first it may seem forced, but as you keep doing it it will feel more genuine and you will find more positive energy.  Say things out loud or to yourself, either way, these are called affirmations in mindbody medicine. 

[gcalex]

I too have perfectionistic and control traits.  I understand very well the concept of if it isn't perfect and I can't completely control it, life isn't worthwhile.  But one can change that, and one must because it becomes a prison.  One way as I mentioned is to put one's life in a larger context, and to understand that imperfect though it is, we have so much to be grateful for and we suffer so little compared to others less fortunate.  Another technique is to consciously practice letting go of things.  Example of an internal or even an out loud dialogue with oneself:  I WISH I could eat whatever the hell I want and not have to worry about it.  I REALLY wish it.  But I can't.  OK, I have two choices.  I can fight that and be miserable, or I can let it go.  So between those options, I choose to let it go.  And really, if I look at the big picture of my life, I don't need it to be happy.  I can be happy without it.  So I let it go.  I let it go. 

Try it, or something similar, see if it works for you.  The antidote to OCD and the prison of imperfection is ACCEPTANCE.

[LindaRK]

Well said.  In my opinion, control and perfectionism are huge underlying issues with anxiety suffers.  Speaking from experience. LOL

Stop the monitoring .... I fell into that trap a long time ago.  Monitoring my blood sugar - I spent well over a hundred dollars on those little test strips. I was pricking myself several times a day, monitoring it.  Good grief.  Even when the readings read okay, I wasn't satisfied.  It's so easy to get caught up in this - that is why you have to stop - now!  Same with the BP business - stop!  Your hubby is only trying to help you, not make you angry.  Your anger is coming from a loss of control, but I think you already know that.

At some point you have to let all of this go.  The results you've received aren't a death sentence.  Change your diet a little - get some exercise. It could be a whole lot worse!!!

[dancer67]

Well, first I am on Tranxene for my anxiety, and Amitriptyline for depression. Plus those meds keep my IBS pains away. So it work for two issues. Although I think I need to up my Benzo.

I know all of you are right. But WHY can't I do it? My thoughts are consumed with this Trig level and fasting blood sugar. Yes, you are right. It could be a lot worse. I always think it could be so much better. But someone said acceptance. That is something I have a had time with.

I have to get away from checking my blood sugar now. I haven't even spoken to my prmary care Dr. yet so I don't even know what she is going to say.

I hate living like this. Does anyone have any good books they can recommend to get some coping skills for HA?

I also wonder, do you think that the people who have HA have unhappy lives? It has been something I have been pondering. And what I mean by that is, what if you are not happy in a marriage? What if you have already been unhappy? Does it make HA worse?

[gcalex]

Are you familiar with the POTENTIAL issues with long term use of benzos? 

[gcalex]

Books.  See thread on How to Stop Worrying And Start Living by Dale Carnegie, dated but very useful book.  Hope and Help for Your Nerves Claire Weekes.  Anxiety and Phobia Workbook E Bourne.  Full Catastrophe Living Jon Kabat Zinn.  Brain Lock (forget author) about OCD. 

Acceptance takes lots of practice.  You can't accept because you haven't tried long and hard enough, simple.  You aren't going to turn off your thinking overnight.  But you can turn off your behaviors that are reinforcing your thinking by stopping the worthless monitoring, no more googling if you still are, etc. 

[dancer67]

Are you familiar with the POTENTIAL issues with long term use of benzos?

I know they can be addictive. That is all I know. But I need that Benzo for my IBS. My last medication for IBS was Librax. It had a Benzo in it, and I was on it for 5 years until I had my appendix out last January and my IBS pains came back and Libraz no longer worked.

Is there something I should know?

Ok, I need to stop with the monitoring.I did it again. I tested my blod sugar when I got up and it was 98. I have tosay I DO NOT HAVE DIABETES. I need to make myself believe that.

And thanks for the book recommendations. I am so glad you are responding to my posts because I need an attitude like yours and tell me that I am acting in a very unhealthy way. I REALLY want to get off this darn rollercoaster.