fear of brain tumor...

[aih2012]

hi, i'm new here. i posted this bit in the introduction section but thought this forum would be more appropriate.
I've always been a hypochondriac, but it has gotten so much worse since the birth of my second boy. I am always worried and anxious about everything- their health, my health, my husband's health. I am always worried I'm going to die in some kind of freak accident, or my kids or husband. I have diagnosed myself with at least 4 severe medical conditions in the past 8 weeks. The first one was postpartum cardiomyopathy. I started having a few palpitations after I had my baby and immediately looked it up and diagnosed myself with it. This "diagnosis" probably lasted a good 5 weeks. I spent my days researching cardiomyopathy and wondering who would take care of my kids during the day if I died. The next thing I diagnosed myself with was pulmonary hypertension. It's a long story of why I diagnosed myself with it but this diagnosis went on for a couple of weeks, overlapping my postpartum cardiomyopathy diagnosis. My other diagnosis was kidney failure. I always have elevated blood pressure when I go to the doctors because I have extreme anxiety and discomfort at the doctors (but bp is always fine at home...), and the doctor noted my blood pressure was a bit higher than normal. So I googled possible causes and found that kidney failure could lead to high blood pressure. Yeah, so this went on for a few days, not too long. I got myself a home blood pressure monitor and every time I use it, it has been 112/64 which is perfect. And the latest and greatest medical condition I have diagnosed myself as of yesterday has been a brain tumor. I have these random stabbing pains in my head that started yesterday. I also have been feeling a bit dizzy at random times but don't know if it's due to something serious or the depo provera birth control shot I'm on. For now I'll stick with the most serious thing- the brain tumor. This morning I have been researching craniotomies, brain biopsies, and other things like that. My anxiety level is through the roof.

[sixpack]

hello aih

when I have more time I'll post you more about your irrational disease fears.   Yes, I believe them to be irrational 

for now I'll say welcome to AZ. 

[sixpack]

okay so I have a couple of minutes.

You've always been a hypochondriac.  What have you done in the past that has helped you long term?  What have you been doing that you KNOW is deterimental to your emotional well-being?  What proactive habits can you adopt that could get you to a more non-reactive state?  The truth of it all is:  it may not be our fault that we have anxiety disorder BUT we often do things that further entrench the disorder.     IE seeking endless reassurance that we are okay from family, friends, docs, med testing,  rampant googling (which I see you are engaging in)  (HEAD'S UP:  googling will ONLY, ONLY make your fears worse.  You must stop) and self-checking.

now back to always being a hypo.  AND now it is worse since the birth of your child.  This is quite typical.  ANY woman can develop postpartum anxiety and depression.  it can show up any time up to a year following birth and continue long after if it isn't addressed (however after a year it is no longer classified as post partum).  We anxious ladies can have a definite uptick in anxiety following birth.  It happened to me quite dramatically following two of my kids' births.

You've dx'd yourself with some pretty serious illnesses.  looking back, how many have been true?  Now let's have a look at the brain tumor fear.  What evidence do you have?  I mean other than it being a scary illness.  AND it is a scary illness.  My father had a malignant brain tumor and my sister had a benign one.  So, yeah, it is scary.  BUT they actually had ample evidence that something was going on.  From your post I see you've listed  random stabbing pains and a bit dizzy at random times.  Why do you think brain tumor with these?  These are common anxiety symptoms AND common random crap that happens to people that don't amount to anything horrid. When a person has a brain tumor SERIOUS stuff is going on.  BUT not all at the same time and not over night.    When my sister had her brain tumor, her hubs and I had an informative convo with the neurosurgeon

he said (likely paraphrasing)

Her tumor is large but a slow growing tumor.  It has been there 3-5yr. I know it is slowing growing because brains accomodate a growing tumor for a long time.  A person only starts to show symptoms when the tumor is large enough to impede brain function.  If this tumor got to be this large fast,  the brain would not have been able to accomodate it.  It would have shocked the brain

From my dad having a brain tumor, other people I've known and then my sister, I've learned a good bit about those buggers.

1. depending on where the tumor is located will determine what the presenting symptoms would be.  My dad's was a temporal lobe tumor.  My sisters was a meningioma on top of her frontal lobe.  Their presenting symptoms were NOT the same.  This is because a tumor will affect the part of the brain that it is nearest first.  As the tumors grew in my father and sister, we could then see symptom over lap.

2. one doesn't get ALL types of symptoms that can be part of a tumor at first or if at all.  As my dad and sister are examples----one of my dad's presenting symptoms was simple partial seizures because his tumor was in the temporal lobe---the ole phantom smell symptom was one of those.   My sister never had that.  My sister's tumor was on the frontal lobe.  One of her first symptoms (in hindsight) was personality changes.  My dad didn't have that.

3. brain tumors are bossy, insistant creatures.  They are not shy about how they present.  Once one has symptoms, ie: weakness in limbs (not perceived that isn't real weakness just what we think we feel) REAL objective weaknes, things don't get better.  Once a tumor is large enough to impede brain function, then they are large enough to see on brain scans.  If you are symptomless, then the tumor is not large enough to impede brain function.


IMO, from your description you are listening to the LIES that BEASTY is peddling to you.  What is BEASTY?  It is YOUR anxious over thinking.  It is your anxiety disorder.  It is you telling yourself lies.   

I know you probably feel what you are feeling and describing is different than all others OR that in your case it is the worst case ever OR that no one understands.  Thing is all we anxious say the same sorts of things.    so below


is a link to some of my blathering (within it has other links.  One is common anxiety symptoms)  I want you to read them and see if you can find some info helpful to you. 
 
http://www.anxietyzone.com/index.php/topic,60476.0.html



another message I sent to a member a while back may have some helpful info:

it is pretty easy to let the symptoms scare the crap out of you and easy to attribute all manner of horrors to these things.

one of your questions was: "so what, just because you feel these things at least they are not life-threatening",    I would look at like this:  if the symptom actually, physically prevents you from doing things, then you need to look at it as something a doc should check out.  IF it is something like twitching or sore muscles or muscles feel weak or fatigued but they still carry you around then, you should just say "hey this doesn't feel good but it can't stop me from doing my daily tasks or job or hobby or what have you. And say "I will not let my fear of these symptoms stop me".

As I alluded in a post earlier today about my first fall into the pit in '97, I had to do that to get myself out of it.  I had all the med tests and was seeing a therapist.  They wanted to put me on meds but I was nursing my daughter and, at the time, SSRIS were not given to nursing mothers.  I finally decided that I had two choices:  1. sit around in fear waiting for MS (that was my fear at the time) to slowly remove my life from me or 2. TAke charge of this anxiety.  So what I did was delve head first into a huge gardening project.  Turns out it helped a great deal because it REALLY took my mind off of my bodily sensations.  This allowed my mind to calm down and thereby allowed my body to relax.  It wasn't over night.  It took several weeks.  During that time I didn't monitor the symptoms that I had been having NON_STOP for months---ie twitching, face pain, arm pain, leg pain, numbness, tingling, shooting pains, jerking limbs.....   there were many more but you get the idea 

What is your thing?  IDK.  I didn't know gardening was my thing until I tried it.  Turns out I'm damn**  good at it AND it was so engrossing to me that I didn't even have time to think about my symtpoms... which, imo, is key....

I eventually got into some other things:

volunteering.  I got heavy into several things at my church... social responsiblity sorts of things---helping the sick (AIDS person), the poor, those who suffered miscarriages or other woman issues dealing with children.  I also got every envolved with our neighborhoods homeowner's association:  ie the welcome committee, social concerns committee, neighborhood socials (helped with planning parties for the 'hood) and I served on the board.

we've since moved so I'm not so involved where we live presently.  However I do volunteer with a dogrescue...

So my suggestion for things to do are:

hobbies----crafting, gardening, scrapbooking, jewelry making ( I had a douzy of a headache last week that advil didn't help----made a couple of pair of ear-rings and the tension headache went away)
volunteer work..... lots of organizations you could help out in
exercise:  I walk my dog 1 1/2 miles----to 2 miles a day.  today was rainy and I was running my kids all over so not much of a walk today... poor dog
eat right-----yeah I SUCK at this one, myself.  Although I did have a nice shrimp bisque which only had about 300 cal today...


I am not symptom-less.  When I experience anxiety/stress symptoms now, however, I don't look to disease X.  I look at what is going on in my life that is causing them.  At this point you are likely not able to find A stressor.  THis is, inpart, due to the fact that you are in the anxiety cycle of:  fear/stress/symptoms/fear.....  However once you are able to reduce your stress using a variety of tools, your mind will calm down and things will get easier and you will be able to manage this without BEASTY taking you for a ride.

you can get better though, you can.   

   


and again:

   adding to that some other posts to another member a while back:




I certainly don't have all of the answers.

however think about it-------------what causes us pain in our bodies?  I mean what controls how we feel pain?   It is our brain/nerves right?  When we fall and scrape our knee, we feel pain because our nerves send signals to the brain, the brain interprets it and says, "I'm hurt".   This a normal thing.  Our brain interprets stuff and tells the nerves to send a pain signal back to our knee and then we feel the pain.   Our brain and nerves are powerful buggers. 

Let's say there is a bear approaching.............  what happens---- we become hyper aware.  we get the fight or flight so we can survive.  We get all those lovely adrenal surges......  We have to survive.  That is all well and good.

now what happens if we have our thinking go awry?  What happens when we are stressed?  what happens if the stress isn't relieved or realized?  Our brains gets wiggy!!!!  THis causes fight/flight all of the time---sometimes at a high level and sometimes at a lower level.  but doesn't matter really cuz now we are "clicked" on the ON position.  We never are truly relaxed.  Our "fight/flight" brain is always switched on to some extent.  THis leaves a body sensitized----muscles are tight, nerves are over reactive (which causes burning/tingling/buzzing) our organs aren't running optimally (ie digestions slows or speeds up).

when these goes unchecked we get in that cycle of fear-------which came first the chicken or egg? 

bottom line our brains control our bodies.  If our brain is scared or stressed or whatever, it doesn't send out nice calm rational signals to our bodies.  Our bodies don't question the brain.  the brain is THE MASTER.....  Our bodies just react.  That is why the answer to feeling better doesn't come from treating the physical but the mental.

and why do you only have symptoms that come and go?  well some peeps have stuff all the time.  Some have them come and go and some have a combo of the two.  Guess it depends on the individual.





AND





sometimes anxiety symptoms are relieved when one is TRULY occupied.  BUT remember a body has to be relaxed for a while before a body calms down.  So one cannot expect the brain to say----oh I"m working now and I'll just forget that I'm a mess really and give up on the aches and pains."    anxiety doesn't really have an on/off switch.

Personally speaking:

back in '97 I got very involved in gardening.  I mean really involved.  It took about 2 or 3wks working up some new garden beds.  in the end I noticed most of my symptoms were either gone or diminished.  But I had an extended amount of time in which I wasn't monitoring.

I've also had times when I've been stressed and decided----Okay I'm going to get involved in something to get my symptoms to go away.  guess what?  it doesn't work then.  cuz, on some level I'm still monitoring.

a year ago I was having, what I knew were stress/anxiety related headaches.  THey were pretty bad.  Well one day I went to help out at a dog rescue.  I walked 7 or 8 dogs over a period of two hours or so.  When I arrived, I had a headache.  At the end I got in the car and drove away with the realization that the headache was gone.  Within 5 minutes it was back.  YEAH can you believe that.

Had the same sort of thing on Monday with a headache.  took my dog to her training class with a headache... left without one.  believe it or not taking my dog to obedience class relieved it.

I've even had gardening or exercise that has made me more shaky

YES I am a mixed bag of tricks like most people I imagine.


JUST like any physical malady, a mental malady needs REAL time to heal   Unlike a physical malady though, with the mental WE have to make the DECISION to heal by changing our actions/thinking/behavior and continue to work on it even when it is hard.    Personally I believe mental issues are more difficult than getting through physical issues   **although I'm getting pretty SICK of this toe thing I've had probs with since mid may.....  I'm getting tired of changing my usual routines to accomodate it***     



thing is there are no easy do 1, 2, 3 and off you go.  This takes time.  Even more than that, imo, there is no cure to anxiety but more of changing your reactions and mindset.  That doesn't mean one is miserable. It means that one must be cognizant that anxiety can, if allowed, take over during times of stress.  Then all it will do is sit back  and LIE and watch the spin.
    

[Allochka]

Noone could say it better than Sixpack!  Please listen to her advise. You've mentioned several things you've diagnosed yourself lately, I guess it was a very stressfull time for you. it is very common to have headaches and dizziness after stressfull times. I am very dizzy lately myself (this is due to stress caused by several health problems I had during last 2 months. For a change, these were real problems, not my usual imaginery ones  )
And one more thing- pls stop googling. This is a most important comandment for a hypochondriac! Google will ALWAYS point to a worst case scenario!