Transverse myelitis worry.

[lovely260]

I feel absolutely redicilous to even bring this up but I was on instagram on some girl's profile because she posted a comment saying she was recently paralyzed and I,  being the idiot that I am, found out why and her reason was transverse myelitis. This girl was normal until she woke up oneday and her legs were numb. This terrified me. This min you're normal,  the next you cant walk,  your bladder gets messedup and there is a chance you might not even recover. I had a major panic attack last night, I couldn't sleep,  I sweat so much and was shaking. My feet this morning had the needle numb feeling at the heel. I automatically thought Omg, its starting. I am experiencing back pain and numbness on my feet. I cried so hard last night, because HA is ruining my life and because I amscared.
I feel so pathetic because I just gotten over my pathetic rabies fear. And I was ok until this happened. Now I feel pink pricked needles all over.my.body and these symptoms.
I also have depression. And this doesn't help me. It just makes me feel worse. Idk. I just need some advice. I know.lam pathetic.

[lovely260]

Guysss. Help

I'm already dreading sleep tonight

[kazoo]

What I can say is that it is good that you have recognized a pattern within yourself.  I think that maybe you should sit down and list all the things you 'thought you had' but really didn't have.  When I do that , it's a pretty long list, and it helps me to think more rationally when the next thing comes up, which is less often nowadays, I'm happy to say.

Don't get down on yourself; recognize what your mind does, so you will not be upset by the thoughts that pop in.  You can actually choose NOT to dwell on every crazy thought you have.  Distraction is important.  Trying to 'think it to death' rarely works; it just feeds the monster.  HA is a thinking disorder.  See if you can choose to think differently.

About your specific fear, of course you know that just because some random person has some rare disease doesn't mean you are at any risk.  However, your mind is fully capable of manufacturing the symptoms out of nothing, which is what you are doing.

I would recommend cognitive behavioral therapy, or a book about that (such as Feeling Good).  You need to challenge your irrational thoughts.  If you can afford it, hypnotherapy that uses CBT is really helpful, since it goes right to the subconscious base of the thoughts.

[lovely260]

I see what you're saying. Its almost like I cant control my body and mind. I stayed up all night panicking thinking ill get this rare disease. Its very scary. I just want to live life normally and not worry about anything.

[kazoo]

You can't control random scary thoughts popping in now and then, but I really think you CAN control how much time you choose to DWELL on those thoughts, which causes them to become more and more scary and significant.

Recognize that this sort of worry is about a 'fictional future' that you imagine for yourself.  It is fiction.  ALL worry is about the future, and we don't ever actually live in the future, but rather just in the present.  I like the book 'the Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle for pointing this out.

When you imagine a scary fictional future, and dwell on it, you are creating your own hell.  Stop any habits (such as googling, etc.) that feed into your tendency to do that.  Do anything else, anything.  Go for a walk outside, go to a funny movie, eat a favorite treat, visit with friends and talk about something else.  I understand that what you are going through is scary, but I am suggesting that you take action to short-circuit the obsessive thought patterns.  The LESS time you spend dwelling, the faster you will feel better.

[lovely260]

You're right.  I am starting a new job tomorrow and I want to be happy and not look stressed or tired on my first day at work. But its always like this. I don't dwell on the disease the first.few days that I hear about it, but then it slowly creeps up on me. I am trying so hard to think rationally, but I'm terrified. My legs are feeling a little funny.  but thank you for the advice and encouraging words.

[kazoo]

Now, that is very interesting.  Is it possible that you are kind of stressed about the new job, and that this anxiety got 'deflected' onto health anxiety for you?  That is totally something I do... something to watch for.

[lovely260]

I honestly don't think so. I feel generally scared of the disease. I'm scared ill lose control of my body. I feel like I shouldn't have read anything about this disease. I keep thinking ill wake up tomorrow with no function in my legs. I suffer a really Bsd depression. I cut myself when I am upset. But I haven't done it. Im feeling reallydepressed though.

[lovely260]

Sigh..I'm not going to get any sleep tonight. 

[lovely260]

I am going to bump this because I need advice. and no one is helping me.

[ejmommy]

Sorry you're going through this. I can't offer any advice because I suffer from the same fear of going to sleep because I'm afraid of what I might wake up to. I thought I was the only one! But I just wanted to offer support. I have learned some great relaxation techniques in my therapy, and it helps me especially at night when trying to fall asleep. I'm also learning not to google things. For instance, I'm not going to google what you are talking about because I'm not that familiar with it, and don't want to bring on any more health fears. Try that in the future as well. Sometimes ignorance is bliss! Feel better.

[lovely260]

You're so right. I was doing just fine until I googled this crap and now its depressing me and making me think about this terrible disease. Ugh. I need to stay off google.