Friend's mom might be dying and I can't bring myself to talk to her about it

[VeryScary]

My family's next door neighbor has the six-letter word that starts with C (which I won't say) and is quite possibly about to transition. Her daughter and I have been friends literally since we were both babies; our families know each other, the whole nine. My mom keeps dropping references to her illness in our phone conversations and it is making me so uncomfortable that I have started ending the conversation.

Anyway, here's the issue: Neighbor's husband died back in 2000. I didn't have a chance to talk to him or my friend about it because I was 20 and had no idea what to say frankly. Next thing I know, he died. I feel like I should say something to my friend ... and to her mom. But what am I supposed to say? And how am I supposed to say anything when I am doing so poorly with this particular topic that I can't even say the word without heart palpitations?

Anyone ever faced this? I don't want to feel like I am letting her down a second time.

[gcalex]

Do the right thing as a friend and bring it up.  You need to desensitize so this is a good place to start. 

[camel]

Tell her you are there for her. Tell her honestly that you don't know what to say but you are there to listen anytime she needs.
Ask her if there is anything she needs that you can do for her.

It is truly difficult to go through this, but rather face it instead of running from it. This way you will have no regrets

[floridaguy65]

Avoidance can be a pervasive defense mechanism for anxiety peeps. But, it also the worst thing we can do. There is little that is easy here in this trying time for your friend's family. Personal experience has shown me that simply offering a small condolence goes a long way. Nobody is expecting you to speak with eloquence. You will regret not doing something, most likely. Do not let what you see in your anxious minds as happening when you say something keep you from doing it. Anxiety and fear skews our perceptions. Your caring thoughts will be wanted and cherished:)

Peace and Feel Well:)

[MOchp]

Sometimes just letting somebody know you are there for them is the best thing you can do.

[vardnas]

When my dad died several years ago, I had many friends who came forward to offer condolences and help. I also had quite a few friends who stayed away entirely. But I didn't begrudge them at the time and I don't now—everyone has their comfort level around death, and I'm sure your friend is not keeping score.

That being said, if you really want to say something, put your own fears aside and say it. Courage is not the absence of fear, it is the absence of self.

And you might want to practice saying the word "cancer." It's just a word. Remember, your fear is only as powerful as you allow it to be.

[VeryScary]

I thought too about just saying "hey, this is hard for me, but I offer my support during your mom's illness" or something like that. I just want to be careful because my mom is so negative - for all I know, my friend's mom has not resigned herself to dying anytime soon.

So I'm not sure how much of the fatality of it is my own mother. She IS sick though, that's not fake at all.

I will take you all''s advice. I never thought I'd be someone to avoid a situation like this