Fear of sex

[krizzonez]

Right now I am half way through the age of 19 and am in my first year of college. I've only really had sexual relations with one girl in my life, about 3-4 years ago back when I was still in highschool. Back then I was still generally nervous about sexual activity but it didn't take long to grow comfortable with her and slowly work towards having sex..

Being the age that we were, sex wasn't really "expected" immediately. Through our 1 year relationship we played around with foreplay for the majority of it and eventually ended up having sex a handful of times near the end of it. Unfortunately, she had a alot of issues, most being emotional.. but some others. I ended up leaving her soon after we started having sex, and can say I've only had sex about 4 or 5 times in my life time.

After that relationship I stayed single, kind of saw this one girl briefly but never really got sexual. About a year ago I was visiting a friend of mine at her university and her roommate made it vocal to her that she wanted to hook up with me. I was interested, and despite being a little nervous (knowing that shes had a long term relationship before and probably is wanting sex), we hooked up and it got to the point where we were about to have sex.. but it was pitch black and we were both very drunk and for some reason I just couldn't fit it in and my mind quickly started doubting itself and I got too frustated and it ended. The next night we were hooking up again, and this time I did manage to achieve penetration for a few minutes but was still very anxious and she eventually told me to try and relax abit and I just shut down out of embarrasment.

So this is basically where I have been left mentally, in a state of sexual in-experience and little to no confidence in myself as a "man" to do the job.
Now, half way through my first year at college (living on residence), I am very hesitant to hook up with anyone.. simply because everyone at college just has sex all the time and I'm just really nervous about it all. I've had general and social anxiety my whole life, and i'm now developing this specific anxiety and it's really eating away at me on the inside. Infact, one night this girl a few floors up from me told me to come over and watch a movie at 1am. Despite being kinda drunk, my heart was racing pretty much the entire time i was there and I showed little to no interest in anything sexual. Eventually we started kissing and she got on top of me, and brought me to her room. We continued kissing a bit but then I said I was too drunk and my body wasn't responding so that ended.

Anyways.. that's all I have to say about that for now, sorry for it being a little long winded. Just looking for a little support on my situation and any suggestions or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. I know my dad was in pretty much the same situation as me growing up, so maybe I should talk to him about it..

Thanks

[Cuchculan]

You have fallen into the time honored trap of pairing sex with anxiety. Once this begins to happens what a person does is get anxious once sex is mentioned. It now is all about finding a way to undo this process. Were sex is seen as something you can enjoy. Not something for you to get anxious about. It can all be about learning to relax. That would be just to start with. Then there is the communication side of things. Talking with the person you are with. Explaining you are a bit nervous. The other person might be just as nervous. So by talking to each other you help calm each other down. Then you have to understand that sex is not all about penetration. There can be loads more involved to sex. Loads more you can do in advance of actually having sex. To prolong the experience. Not just a case of jump straight on in there and get the job over and done with. The more you prolong it and introduce other activities into the bedroom the more you will relax as well. But the big problem I see here is that you have paired sex up with anxiety. Performance anxiety. So try and learn how to relax. Try and prolong the experience. The more time you are with the person the more relaxed you will become. I will admit it might be harder if it is a one night stand and all she wants is a quickie. That is putting preasure on you to perform. Preasure you don't need. So think before you jump in the sack with any strangers. Will it really be any good for you at all? You might be best with a person you know. Someone you can talk to. A more understanding person. Who is not in a hurry. Hope all sorts itself out.

[CORRY20]

I have a fear I have stopped having it because I get so anxious.I feel like I am going to throw up when I think about it.Because I worry about performance.I wish I could get rid of this anxiety.

[A_ISRLguy]

Sorry to hear about your situation.
Anxeity and Sex dont mix, mainly because your anxiety is somewhat of "Fight or Flight" reaction.
when fighting or flighting for you life (as your emotional brain sees the situation) all non necessary body functions
are halted, with it erections..
have you ever seen a guy running for his life with an erection?

maybe its best if youll avoid one night stands with new girls for now. and try finding someone you feel safe and familiar with, so that your mind can turn off anxiety mode with her.

[theguy]

confidence. dont mean to get too into it but it is because you are blessed there or she isnt moist enough?

so your worries are you are not good in bed or what? or is it strickly an anxiety issue that effects this?

[krizzonez]

confidence. dont mean to get too into it but it is because you are blessed there or she isnt moist enough?

so your worries are you are not good in bed or what? or is it strickly an anxiety issue that effects this?

it's kind of both, but partly because i'm inexperienced with sex. I dunno but i've just built it up way too big now and it's overwhelming to even think about

[CORRY20]

I know how you feel that is why I have completely stopped.