Could it be?

[Lostinthought]

I'm new here and I haven't been diagnosed with anything but all the reading I've been doing is causing me to believe I have GAD or at least something along those lines. My only source of anxiety is my relationship. I have serious trust issues and while they mostly stem from past relationships I feel as though that can't possibly be the only reason I have so much anxiety. I don't know, maybe it can. Who the hell knows? I just can't figure out how to stop thinking. I constantly fight with my wife and ruin damn near every night because I'm always worrying if she's gonna leave or talk to another man. I hate feeling this way but no matter how hard I try to block these negative thoughts they just come flooding back into my head. I've tried reading and doing breathing exercises and maybe I haven't tried hard enough but even if I'm doing these exercises or anything else at all for that matter it doesn't stop me from thinking all these crazy scenarios in my head about what could possibly happen. Anyway I'm just hoping I can find some way to deal with my anxiety without having to take medications. Maybe there is someone out there who is going through something similar and has some suggestions. Here's hoping for the best.

[kconnors]

Hi,

I cannot address your specific scenario but I can share with you that I think that you are very astute in recognizing that you do have an issue that is causing anxiety which in turn is creating a potentially self-fulfilling prophecy. If you are ruining nearly every night because of fear that your wife will leave you, then you are creating an environment where she may not feel that she has any other choice if what she has to look forward to is another night of disruption . . . so, you know you have a problem and you know that you have to do something about it . . .that is the first step . . .

Have you discussed this with your wife? She may be just as confused as you are . . . she may feel that she is doing something wrong . . . she may feel that she is unable to help you because you are not trusting her . . .no one wants to be a target . . .  from what you say I think that you are in need of two types of professional intervention . . . first, someone to help to guide you to develop techniques to identify your specific triggers (you are probably right about them stemming from previous relationships) and develop management tools and second, someone who specializes in helping couples to address and manage the issues together. You cannot block anxiety brain from coming into your reality because eventually you will become fatigued and anxiety will creep back in; what you can do is to manage anxiety and it does not have to be with meds. Some of us use meds either short- or long-term and some of us prefer other techniques. Now, these other techniques have not worked for you because they do need to be tailored and that is where a counselor or therapist will help you . . .

So, I would suggest that you confide in your wife what is troubling you and immediately capitalize on your insights into your behaviour by getting professional intervention . . . you may have to try two or three therapists until you find one that aligns with your situation especially in avoiding meds, but that is part of the process . . . it is within your power to make this process work and work for the best . . . please give it a try and by all means do let us know how you are doing . . .. we may not provide solutions, but we certainly are here to listen . . .take care, kc

[Lostinthought]

Thank you kc. I appreciate the advice. My wife knows all too well what my issues are and she has been patient and understanding but that patience is wearing thin. We have tried talking to a counselor but I felt like I was being attacked more than helped and we would leave the session more pissed off than when we arrived. I will try to find another therapist soon and see if working on myself first can help. I will keep you posted. Thanks again for your insight.