Question about symptom

[aunjypoo]

My fear of Parkinsons is in full swing again.. I feel like every muscle in my whole body is rigid, especially my feet and ankles... This all just started out of the blue less than a week ago.. When I try to rotate my ankle its almost like it jerks... Like its just not a fluid movement.. After my brain MRI came back fine I started to worry about Parkinsons.. I was having a good day so far but now I'm scared to death I have Parkinsons once again... I have had shaky hands (not at rest) but they get better and it comes and goes... My neck was really stiff causing my head to twitch, but after several good shoulder/neck rubs and some icy hot it seems to have gotten better.. Now my primary concern is the muscle movement. Could this possibly be related to stress/anxiety/all in my mind? It's only noticeable if I'm laying in bed, or moving my feet/ankles around. I was having such a good anxiety free day until now. I know the chances of a 20 year old having Parkinsons is slim, but that does nothing to calm my fears.

[gcalex]

"Could this possibly be related to stress/anxiety/all in my mind?"

That sounds infinitely more llikely than your having Parkinson's at age 20.  You migrated from whatever fear led to the MRI to a new fear.  Your thinking is distorted and that is your problem in all likelihood, not some catastrophic illness.  But that thinknig won't improve unless you work on it.

[aunjypoo]

As far as changing my way of thinking I'm not even sure where to begin. I am so deathly convinced this is what's wrong with me I can't think about anything else. I don't see how the cogwheel like motion when I move my feet or how they almost feel like I guess they just don't "work right" at times. It's got me a mess. I use to be he happiest person ever. Now all I can do is think I'm going to die young or be completely disabled and a burden before I'm 30 or even 50.

[gcalex]

Well read a few pages of this forum.  You will see all sorts of people focused on all sorts of symptoms who are convinced they too have some catastrophic illness that explains the symptoms.  Do you think they are all right about these fears?

[aunjypoo]

No, I'm sure the vast majority are wrong. And on a good day I can look at myself and say "this has been an ambush of new symptoms and different scares for two months now and everything has been fine" but in the same breath I don't see how it could be anything else, or if I let it go it will never go away because that's what it is. I have a horrible problem with being on google. And lo and behold anything to do with shakiness and muscle rigidity that causes jerkiness is certainly Parkinson's. I can't get over the fact that I could be one of the unlucky few.

[gcalex]

Ah, but they feel the same way as you -- others are irrational but THEY are the special one who is REALLY right about their fear.  But are you truly special, or is it just your mind playing a trick on you?  New symptoms, different scares, you said it yourself.  Take that out and look at it very hard.  It's anxiety, not catastrophic illness!!!

[gcalex]

Do yourself a favor and STOP googling.  It's a choice.  When you feel compelled to do it, find something else to do -- walk around the block, drink a cup of tea, ANYTHING.  It's a road to nowhere.  Give me any symptom and any illness and I will find you a match.  It's junk.  You have confirmation bias -- you are looking for something to validate your fear, not to dispel it.  See the thread I started about confirmation bias.  We must recognize our disordered thinking if we are to have any hope of changing it.

[sky3942]

gcalex has just gave you some excellent advice. Its hard to add to it. But Parkinson's tremors do not go away also when rigid muscles are a symptom it not usually in the ankles and feet. They usually are in the legs and arms muscles. You would develop a gait and have difficulty walking. You do not have Parkinson's I have nursed a lot of patients with this disease and your symptoms are not even close to theirs. So take gcalex advice and seek help for HA good luck.

[aunjypoo]

And you're completely right, and like I said on good days I can laugh and tell myself I just need to stay calm and everything will go back to normal. Then there's days like today where nothing helps. I am starting counseling next week and I really believe it will help. I have always had ha ever since I could remember but when I was younger my mom was able to keep me in check. Ever since my dr tried me on celexa and lexapro and they just made my anxiety so much worse I haven't been the same since and I only took the smallest dose for two weeks but it messed with my mind so bad and I can't get back from that. It all started with a swollen groin lymph node that my dr said was probably from all my running I was doing. Then it was tumor, ms, colon cancer, pancreatic cancer, blindness, and now Parkinson's. the swollen lymph node didn't even have me terrified until I started ssri's. I took Valium for a week and it changed my life I felt normal, but I only had two weeks worth so I just stopped taking it and now I'm pregnant so I can't take anything and I need to be healthy mentally not just fr myself now.

[gcalex]

It's a tough road, but one that can be walked.  Eventually you will develop the tools to keep your fears in check.  Look at your pattern, but LEARN from it -- I bet at the time every one of those fears felt just as real to you, and none of them materialized, did they?  So WHY would this one be any different?  It's not.  It's your thinking, not your body, that is wrong.  Your symptoms are anxiety.  The mind can create an infinite number of symptoms.  The sooner you not just undertsand that but EMBRACE it, the sooner you will be on the road to a better mental state.

And STOP GOOGLING.  Seriously.  Just stop.  Yeah, I know, you feel compelled to do it.  The standard treatment for compulsions, and you don't need a therapist to tell you this, is to set up a counter behavior.  Pick one any one but then do it each time you have the urge.

[aunjypoo]

They did feel real. And it took an MRI to calm my tumor/ms fears but it fixes them. My boyfriends eat friends dad has Parkinson's and we went to see all of them for thanksgiving and as soon as we got back I heard Parkinson's couldn't be picked up on an MRI.. So it was the shakiness that started. Well my dad has bad shaky hands. Essential tremor I guess it's called, its genetic. Once I came to terms with that and the fact my stiff neck and shaky head got better with icy hot and massages it seemed like two or three days ago I started focusing on the rigidity in my body legs/feet especially, or my cheeks/jaw probably from clenching my teeth all day. This is why I am so looking forward to starting counseling. I wants I bad to change I just can't do it alone right now.

[gcalex]

See?  It's the power of suggestion.  The mind is a wonderful thing.  It can torment us.  But it can also heal.

[gcalex]

See if any of this helps you.

http://www.anxietyzone.com/index.php/topic,64062.0.html

[aunjypoo]

It all makes perfect sense. I saved it as a note on my phone to read whenever I start to worry and want to google if that's ok. This site was meant to be my escape rather than googling and it's helped for the most part. Small steps I guess. I know that I have the want to get better, I just need he right tools to get there

[gcalex]

You have the right attitude and you recognize your problem.  You are much farther along than you think.  When a symptom distresses you, think psychological not physical. 

[laura124]

Remember, your symptoms ARE real--they're not "all in your head".  But they are caused by anxiety not a catastrophic illness----that's the part thats "all in your head".

I remind myself of that all the time when I'm bothered by physical symptoms caused by anxiety.

[laura124]

When I get physical symptoms I read this post:

http://www.anxietyzone.com/index.php/topic,5255.msg362549.html#msg362549

[aunjypoo]

That's what I keep trying to tell myself then I just notice something else. For instance today my lips feel tingly numb and start shaking if I move them as we'll as the muscles around them. Never ending.