Feel doomed

[MOchp]

For the past week, or a bit less than a week, I had been having trouble using the bathroom. I wouldn't say I was fully constipated because I have had BMs every day and a lot of the times more than once, but I have been having to push harder than usual and it seems not as much comes out as usual. I have also been having abdominal pain, mainly on the lower left. It isn't particularly bad pain, but is enough to notice when it is there. I have also been having abdominal pain in other parts of my abdomen that I believe is from gas because I end up having to pass gas whenever I get them. I have also felt the need to go to the bathroom but only passed gas when I tried. Yesterday (TMI) my stools were normal width I felt but they seemed pretty flat, I wouldn't say they were as thin as a pencil but they were pretty flat. Today I have had more cramping stomach and have had diarreah 3 times so far. It isn't watery, but just mushy stool. It has consistently been brown colored as far as I can tell and I haven't seen any blood. I had a CBC blood test a couple weeks ago that was normal ( didnt show anemia ) but of course I don't know if that's changed by now, and I wasn't having constipation problems then. I and my wife and kid did however have what I believe to be gastroenteritis over the weekend a couple weeks ago, and all my problems I have been having seem to have started after that, but the gastroenteritis cleared up within a couple days after we got it. Anyways between the flat stools, the abdominal pain with and without gas, the constipation and now the diarreah I am convinced I must have colon cancer. I had one instance of what I would consider "ribbon stool" but the rest have just been flat or diarreah today. I have already been trying to see a urologist or get an ultrasound for the place on my teste and now this crops up. I am 22 so I know it is really rare, but I have stupidly read posts on forums about people in their 20s getting it, and a lot of them being diagnosed in stage iv. I am terrified of this. My anxiety has gotten a lot better to a point where now I have been more depressed than anxious. 

I also wanted to add that today along with the diarreah, even before I had a BM this morning the gas I have been having has been particularly foul smelling. I don't know if this means anything or not, but it is something I noticed earlier.

[sixpack]

but I have stupidly read posts on forums about people in their 20s getting it, and a lot of them being diagnosed in stage iv. I am terrified of this 

yep, yep, yep  many a fear is started or pushed farther along when a person chooses to stupidly (or what ever other rationalization a peep comes up with) google symptoms/diseases or visit disease forums. Definitely one of the reactive behaviors 

 I don't know how to get this point across here without being a complete jackwad, but I believe that if I could find a magical word to get the point across that google searches ( no matter what reason given in doing so) is EXCEEDINGLY DETRIMENTAL TO ONES OVERALL MENTAL HEALTH, then most people here would get on their healing paths much, much more quickly.   

Alas, I have yet to find the magical words that are not also jackwaddish.  (hey made up a new word).    So I guess peeps will continue tripping up their own potential recoveries by googling to my dismay.

[gcalex]

I share your dismay, and don't know how to get that point across either.  The internet is full of unverified anecdotes and blatantly false information.  People with HA have a major problem with confirmation bias and seize on any little nugget of information that tends to validate their catastrophic fear, and ignore all that tends to negate the fear.

Please listen -- ANYTHING can be a symptom of  ANYTHING.  Googling is SELF-DESTRUCTIVE.

So are the heart rate and BP monitors.

End of rant.

[MOchp]

but I have stupidly read posts on forums about people in their 20s getting it, and a lot of them being diagnosed in stage iv. I am terrified of this 

yep, yep, yep  many a fear is started or pushed farther along when a person chooses to stupidly (or what ever other rationalization a peep comes up with) google symptoms/diseases or visit disease forums. Definitely one of the reactive behaviors 

 I don't know how to get this point across here without being a complete jackwad, but I believe that if I could find a magical word to get the point across that google searches ( no matter what reason given in doing so) is EXCEEDINGLY DETRIMENTAL TO ONES OVERALL MENTAL HEALTH, then most people here would get on their healing paths much, much more quickly.   

Alas, I have yet to find the magical words that are not also jackwaddish.  (hey made up a new word).    So I guess peeps will continue tripping up their own potential recoveries by googling to my dismay.

I completely understand and I agree. I am trying to work on the urges to google things as it never leads to anything other than freaking out or some other bad reaction. That is why I like to read the forums here and post here, because I know people here go through the same thing. It is hard sometimes when I feel the urge to try to find answers to my 'symptoms' though, and google has always been the go to place.

[gcalex]

You need to set up a counter behavior then, when you have the urge to Google.  Pick something, anything that is neutral or positive, and do it instead.  Walk around the block, drink a cup of tea, anything.  This is classic OCD treatment.  You need to break the conditioning.

[sixpack]

It is hard sometimes when I feel the urge to try to find answers to my 'symptoms' though, and google has always been the go to place.

and yet you find no answers.  what you find is fuel to pour on the fire of your anxious over thinking.

but we can deal with our fears as we see fit.  *shrugs* I just don't get the googling one because it inevitably backfires.  You'd think after multiple backfires, googling reactively would cease...   

I kinda, sorta, get the reassurance thing (done it myself at one time) because you get that "feel good" that "hit" of calm for a moment or two or if you are lucky a day or so.....    However eventually one has to move passed that because it is also detrimental to long term mental health.  We have to learn to reassure ourselves.  I've heard it described as "self-soothing". 

yeah I know, none of this is easy.  There are lots of struggling with anxiety, no matter how it manifests itself.  I just know I'm much better than I was when I engaged in a lot of those reactive behaviors.  I'm not perfect, but tons better.

[sixpack]

and calex is right...

pick up another activity when the URGE strikes.

that's what people that are losing weight, successfully, do when the urge to eat a pint of ice cream (or whatever) strikes.

[MOchp]

Yeah I am actively trying to work on it, and will try not to google anymore medical things. It is true that anything can be a symptom of something severe. I don't believe I am imagining the problems in my OP but thinking it is CC is the worst case thinking I have trouble with. I try to reassure myself that it is very rare at my age, especially without a family history, and that I don't have blood in my stool as far as I can tell and I don't believe I'm anemic. I have a family history of polyps but they all started screening around their 40s, including my mom, I believe and none of them have had CC. My grandfather had CC but it wasn't primary, it spread there according to my mom. One thing I do that helps as a distraction somewhat is playing computer games. One thing I forgot to mention in my OP is that I also have lower back pain which I don't know if it's related to the abdominal pain or not. I mean the pain is in my abdomen, sometimes in my side area as well. It's hard to pinpoint, especially since sometimes I don't even really notice it. I also wonder about the lower back pain because while the abdominal pain is on the lower left side a lot, as I sit here the lower back pain is on the right.

[MOchp]

So I took my weight earlier and it is around the same as it usually is, and actually a couple pounds more than the last time I was weighed at the doctors office, according to the scale I have at home that is. So I don't believe I have any 'unexplained weight loss'. I also don't believe I have any problems with anemia because of the blood test I had two weeks ago and because I don't think I have any symptoms of anemia really. I also still haven't noticed any blood in my stool, it has been a normal brown color even when I had diarreah. So that leaves me with abdominal pain, mainly in my lower left abdomen but it has been happening in other parts as well including my side and lower back. I have gas off and on. It went from constipation to diarreah yesterday and now back to constipation today. I had some pain on my lower left today that was so low I couldn't tell if it was in my abdomen or my groin. I got the urge to google if groin pain was a symptom of CC but I resisted it. I still have this nagging worry in my mind about CC, and it's annoying. It didn't stop me from having a nice dinner and going shopping with my family though.

[sixpack]

So I took my weight earlier and it is around the same as it usually is, and actually a couple pounds more than the last time I was weighed at the doctors office, according to the scale I have at home that is. So I don't believe I have any 'unexplained weight loss'. I also don't believe I have any problems with anemia because of the blood test I had two weeks ago and because I don't think I have any symptoms of anemia really. I also still haven't noticed any blood in my stool, it has been a normal brown color even when I had diarreah. So that leaves me with abdominal pain, mainly in my lower left abdomen but it has been happening in other parts as well including my side and lower back. I have gas off and on. It went from constipation to diarreah yesterday and now back to constipation today. I had some pain on my lower left today that was so low I couldn't tell if it was in my abdomen or my groin. I got the urge to google if groin pain was a symptom of CC but I resisted it. I still have this nagging worry in my mind about CC, and it's annoying. It didn't stop me from having a nice dinner and going shopping with my family though.

I have all kinds of aches and pains daily.  I could think about them all day and assign something sinister to them, but what good would that do?  At some point we all must learn that 1. stress/anxiety and the resulting fixation on the aches/pains only increases the pain and/or keeps the pain going on.  This in turn further entrenches the anxiety and stress. 2. the mind can create all kinds of aches/pains.  3.  ALL BODIES have random aches/pains that lead no where bad.  It just is.

As we all know the mind/brain controls the body.  it is what thinks for us.  If it is thinking stressfully/anxiously--looking at and searching for sinister things continually,  how do you expect to feel?

We are the captains of our own ships.  If we don't steer the ships OR if we captain the ships haphazardly, we run the ship aground. 

[gcalex]

Yes to everything sixpack said.  If we keep monitoring everyday symptoms, we ensure that we will have more and worse ones. 

[MOchp]

I honestly think it wouldn't worry me so bad if it wasn't for the problems I'm having with my BMs. I went earlier and it was a good bit, and normal width but it was very flat and soft. The part that looked a bit harder was more normal looking but that was only a little bit.

[krispy]

i have a good friend with stage iv colon cancer that has spread to his liver, which is nothing short of a death sentence. he is 34. it is extremely rare for colon cancer to occur in people so young. it's some hereditary thing in his case. 

the symptoms he was experiencing before he was diagnosed were really, really severe. the most blatant one was a startling weight loss of probably close to 100 lbs. Like, a 6 ft 2 in man going from about 220 to 120 in a few months. Straight Up Gaunt. It's a really devastating thing to see in someone I care about, and puts some things in perspective. If you had colon cancer, you would be having really big problems, they would not fluctuate, and they would get progressively worse. 

I'm guilty of googling, and I know its difficult to stop, but you MUST. If abdominal discomfort and changes in BMs and gas are causing you to think you're dying instead of perhaps instigating a change in your diet, exercise, stress level, or something else simple; we are probably all dying. Almost everyone with anxiety has weird GI stuff. I've been constipated since I was ten years old. I abused laxatives for 10 years and a full colonoscopy revealed i'm STILL fine. 

YOU ARE FINE. you're not doomed. try probiotics?

[sixpack]

I honestly think it wouldn't worry me so bad if it wasn't for the problems I'm having with my BMs. I went earlier and it was a good bit, and normal width but it was very flat and soft. The part that looked a bit harder was more normal looking but that was only a little bit.

sorry but that is a load of bunk.   

if it weren't for your bm's, you'd just be fretting over some other thing.

Truthfully that IS what you've been doing.

Actually I began this post and then cancelled it because I wanted to refresh my memory of your recent fears on previous posts:

here are just a few illnesses/diseases you've fretted (or thought about possibly having) about in the month or two you've been a member here:

MS
brain tumor
ALS
testicle cancer
lymphoma
spinal cancer or some disease of the spine.


You've mentioned:
night sweats, joint pain, numb spots, lumps here or there, vision issues.....

there is likely a whole lot more but this was with me looking at your own posts for 2 minutes.  Now you are fixating on BMs--------which, btw, is a common thing for people to do around here.

You are 22!  You've had more medical testing that most people in their 20's.  Hell I think you've had more than me and I am 49. 

You are paying attention to a liar.  You are believing beasty's hype. 

MOchp:   YOU HAVE HYPOCHONDRIA.    it isn't going to get better until you start working on the disorder proactively.  You are not working on it proactively based on what you have posted about.  You are going from sensation to sensation, fear to fear. 

What are you going to do about the problem that is ACTUALLY WREAKING HAVOC on your life--your hypochondria?  Because like it or not:  You can chase the disease fears around the tree all you want but all you are going to do is make yourself dizzy with fear and anxiety.   So what are you willing to do about THAT?  Are you content worrying about diseases that are not there?  Are you content in giving all the joy away in your life to the lie of anxiety?  If you are, then, so be it.  If you are not, then you are going to have to throw the gauntlet down on yourself and take your life back.   You know what you have to do.  There are plenty of suggestions being given to you and/or on other posts here that you can take your beginning steps.   The choice is up to you............

[floridaguy65]

Hi M:) You have recieved some wonderful, insightful replies. Hopefully, you can find the resolve to change up some of your fear-driven actions and habits. There will be little relief until you do...and there will not be LASTING peace until you do this for a while. It's not curtailing counterproductive actions and habits for a day or week or two....it is pretty much implementing a lifestyle change, so to speak....for a lifetime. Sounds daunting when we talk about lifetime journeys and interacting with anxiety for the rest of our life. But, it really doesn't have to be the huge, forever painstaking, always grueling, constant uphill battle that we picture in our anxious minds, when we are struggling. Easy? No, of course not. But, it is doable and attainable and sustainable. Anxiety doesn't have to DEFINE you. We can learn how to live so very well alongside our issues. Setbacks happen...we get up, dust ourselves up and keep on truckin' with the good stuff.

My man, try to focus on your mental health. It is where the, overwhelming, majority of your struggles lay - I promise. Your physical health is OK (I don't care that you don't believe this, really). We don't begin moving towards a healing path AFTER we begin believing we are likely OK. We begin our healing WHILE we still believe we are dying of a sinister health crisis. Eventhough we believe our bodies are failing us, we have to find that resolve to not continue repeating the same bad habits and actions. Take a leap of faith. I have seen 'you' a thousand times. I WAS 'you'. Take a leap of faith, M:)

Peace and Feel Well:)

[laura124]

You're better off searching this website and reading about others that have the same symptoms---it reaffirms that you are not alone and that yes, anxiety produces many physical symptoms.  That is if you absolutely can't resist the urge to type in symptoms for reassurance.  You'll never get reassurance from google.

[MOchp]

Thanks guys for the replies. I haven't googled anything even though I had the urge to a couple times. The thing that annoys me is that I don't feel anxious most of the time, so in my mind that makes my symptoms less likely to be from anxiety. I am working on trying to feel better and think more positively though. I am still hoping/praying for a normal BM! lol

[Smalm]

Hello Mochp, I didn't know you were 21, that's young!!!! I think that you are just passing a bad stomach illness. Good luck.  Hope you get well soon
I know I'm not much help, but I wish you well

[MOchp]

Hello Mochp, I didn't know you were 21, that's young!!!! I think that you are just passing a bad stomach illness. Good luck.  Hope you get well soon
I know I'm not much help, but I wish you well

Thanks, I would of already made an appointment and begged a GI doctor for a colonoscopy if it wasn't for the insurance deductible kicking back in. Anything up to 3000 dollars has to be paid out of pocket. I'm supposed to have an ultrasound for something else Wednesday but I think I'm going to have to cancel it because it was supposed to be before the 1st.

[MOchp]

I was thinking earlier and came to a funny conclusion. I'm sitting here like hoping for a normal BM. I started thinking though and was like "what is considered a normal BM for me?"  I never paid much attention until this new fear. Earlier I had a BM and the stool looked more normal than it has been. It was two pieces, that I think broke in half. They weren't really big and round, but they weren't airhead flat either. The one I could see good also wasn't smooth. I'm sitting there with my face in the toilet ( not really haha ) and thinking, "is this a normal poop?". I honestly don't know 100%, but it wasn't diarreah or ribbon like or pencil thin so I guess that is good. The abdominal pains I've had this morning are weird, they aren't like cramping, they are more of a sharp almost pinching type pain. The lower back pain I have, I honestly don't know if it's related or not. I know being fat can cause some weird aches and pains, especially in the back area. The abdominal aches/pains aren't bad, and they don't feel like real deep either. *shrug* 

[sixpack]

remember the more you think about your poos, even in funny ways, the longer you will have issues with your poo.   

anytime I give a lot of thought to a part of my body, that part of my body will end up feeling off, looking weird etc, etc.  Remember the mind controls the body.


that should become a chant around here   THE MIND CONTROLS THE BODY,  umph, THE MIND CONTROLS THE BODY, umph there could even be some kind of dance associated with it that you could parade around your house doing.   Sort of like the bunny hop but not as dorky---one that is more assertive like a kick boxing dance.  the neat thing is if it had some good moves, it could double for a cardio workout and you could get into shape at the same time. 

You do not have to fixate on your body.  you don't. so stop   

[MOchp]

I'm going to start walking around my house and chanting that SP. Of course my family already thinks I'm nuts, so they may send me to the looney bin. haha So yeah, it's TMI time.  I actually had a rather large BM this morning right after I got up. The one stool that I saw good was actually pretty fat and round, it was smooth but still. Of course if my problems were being caused by some sort of blockage like I'm worried about CC then that wouldn't be possible to have one like that, right? It's weird to be excited about poop, but I think that what I'm talking about is a good sign.

[MOchp]

I figure nobody probably really is reading this thread much anymore, but it makes me feel better to type things.  I don't feel that I am constipated anymore really. The past couple days I have went after waking up and then went again during the day. Heck I've went three times today so far. The size and shape change throughout the day, but I don't think that means anything bad. I have done things to increase my fiber intake that I think have hopefully helped.