Employment troubles because of this disorder?

[Jazzy]

Hi everyone I am new.

I just want to hear from anyone who has now or has had in the past trouble getting or keeping a job because of their panic/ agoraphobia. Over the years I have had a number of problems either getting a job or being able to function properly at a job without panicking or just not being able to preform properly because of my problems. Right now my husband supports me while I look for work, but it's not going well. I have trouble leaving the apartment some days and getting on the bus is a challenge for me let alone trying to do a job interview without going into a full blown attack. I force myself to do these things but it's not really working very well.

Anyone have similar experiences to share?

[Deemet99]

jazzy

i so am in the same boat as you.  i started having real trouble with my jobs long ago, now that i look back on it, and it seemed that i just couldn't function anymore.  the last time i worked was July 05, and can't even think about pursuing a job.  (i have enough trouble getting up and getting myself out of the house most days.)  there is to much anxiety and panic, i can't really drive too much so that is a real problem as well.
i understand what you are saying and at the moment we could really use the money.  so i feel so guilty and depressed that i am not able to contribute my share that way.  I do stay home, take care of our son, pay the bills on the computer, clean the house, cook, etc. but anymore than that and i go bonkers. 
what to do?  dont know.  im sure there are many people on this site with the same problems, although they haven't replied.  it is embarrassing  for me to admit, so maybe their thinking the same thing.

i think you just need to do what your comfortable with.  are you seeing a therapist?  maybe some therapy will help you through it.  i know when i had my insurance it did help me to see her and she would let me know i wasn't the only one who felt this way and not to feel so bad, but that didn't help with my money situation.
try not to worry so much, just take it one day at a time.
maybe you could work from home somehow???
danielle

[Jazzy]

Hey Danielle,

Thanks for the reply. It's good to know there are others I can relate to out there. I would say you are probably doing a great job at home with your son and housework...many working couples pay someone else to clean and cook for them. That's two jobs right there, so don't feel bad!

I guess it helps to have a highly supportive spouse, which I have. He told me I don't need to work, I just feel compelled to since I brought I giant student loan into our marriage. We are just starting out too, so I want to help. I do think a person's mental health is more important though. Some people are forced to work if they don't have any type of financial or emotional support...I think for people like that, certain jobs are more tolerable. I thought of doing hotel housekeeping, so I don't have to interact with anyone hardly.

I just started therapy. I have been in counseling before but this time it's focused completely on my agoraphobia/ panic. I do want to get better and I have faith it will happen some day, but not over night. I have tried meds for 2 and a half years too. They helped me go to college, but when I got off them, back to square one. What good is that?

Anyway, best of luck to you. 

[Msglamourgurl]

I completly understand what you guys are talking about. My last job I passed out with my patient (Im a CNA)  at the local mall. I was rushed to the ER. For the past year I have been in and out of temp jobs because my panic and agoraphobia have been so bad I had to leave the job on the first day! Employers dont understand and dont care. Right now I am lucky to have a guy whom Ive been with for about four years who takes care of me and pays the bills. It is so hard to get through with these problems. I wonder how anyone takes care of themselves who dont have people that they are with?  I wish they had something special for people who cant leave there house! Its frustrating because anymore on TV all you hear about is bipolar disorder and stuff...I think I would die if I heard..anything about panic and agoraphobia! Good Luck to you both!

[Always Dying]

I think the more power and control you hand over to your anxiety, the harder it is to bounce back, it must be horrible not to be able to go to work because of your anxiety. I havent reached that point and refuse too.

[isis2383]

I am in the same boat.  Im having issues at work right now.  It doesnt help that a few months back they put an ad in the paper for my position and I found out about it threw friends/co-workers... Im still taking phone calls to do this day from parties interested in applying for my position.  I've been told by my boss not to worry that he has my back but I think his patience is running thin.  I've missed alot of work recently since starting lexapro...  The side effects are wicked for me.  My pdoc has excused all my absences and I wrote my boss a long email explaining my conditions.  Only time will tell.  I do have a very hard time at work especially since I am still in the side effect stage of the lexapro.  Im also taking xanax to fight anxiety.  Pretty much I have to zombify myself to get threw the day.  Im hoping this situation improves because if i get fired I am royally screwed.

[SurrealFeline]

  I totally understand this problem - I lost my administrative position of FIVE YEARS because of panic attacks becoming too frequent and too severe. It was very hard for me, particularly since I was so used to being financially independent. Suddenly I had to rely on family and boyfriend for ALL expenses...

That kind of feeling made the panic attacks worse because I felt so useless, not doing anything.
It was over a year before I could find a solution and luckily I was offered an At-home position from a marketing company (thanks to SUPER DUPER hookups from a good friend of mine)

Perhaps you might try scouring the internet for anything legit? There are THOUSANDS of scams out there, so be careful.
I think it might even be a good idea to just, ambush any company you are interested and ASK THEM if they offer any at-home positions.
Sounds pretty bold and brash but, it DID sort of work for me, ehhe...=) What's the worse that could happen right? They just say no and you move on.

Anyway, I hope you can find something suitable; maybe even look for online work doing E-writing or editing?

Surreal

[Jazzy]

I am in the same boat.  Im having issues at work right now.  It doesnt help that a few months back they put an ad in the paper for my position and I found out about it threw friends/co-workers... Im still taking phone calls to do this day from parties interested in applying for my position.

Last September I worked a temp job where what you just talked about happened to me. I mean I knew it was temp going into it but they wanted someone permanent and found some girl with less qualifications than me when I made it clear that I would love to get the job. It was really awesome having to edit the ad that listed my position  and take phone calls from people who were interviewing for my job so they could get rid of me. Msglamourgurl, I to have passed out at work twice, it was horrid. Once they called the ambulance.

Having panic/ agoraphobia is not good for one's self esteem, let me tell you. You are right, isis2383 employers don't really care when and if you try to explain it to them. It sucks. Msglamourgurl, I have wondered the same thing as you as far as how people support themselves financially when dealing with severe problems of this type and with no loved ones to count on. I think, some of them end up on disability, getting a small check every month to live on or some may even end up in a mental institution or homeless 

Right now I am dealing with depression pretty significantly. I think anxiety and depression go hand in hand. I have decided to get back on Prozac too just this week. I was off it for the past year and a half but things have only gone downhill. I think, for me, being on meds is better than sitting here feeling like I am worthless and feeling like dying sometimes. I don't want to be on them what with side effects and the whole idea of not being able to live without them but, it's better than what my life is like right now. I am still seeking employment but not as much as before. I am kind of taking a break even though my days are long and I feel like a loser. I hope things get better soon. My counseling at the YWCA is going well. I mean I'm not over my problems but I am learning tools to deal with being in public, being in cars, buses, and social situations, eye contact etc.

Thanks for sharing everyone... I would love to hear more about how you dealt with being unemployed or having work related issues.

[Msglamourgurl]

It makes me feel so much better to hear everyones stories! Jazzy, I completly agree with having low selfesteem issues from these disorders. One of the last Temp jobs I was on..they told me how great I was doing and that I would most likely get the perm position because I was doing so well. It was data entry and I was so excited that I was finally going to be working a full time job again. It was so hard because I kept having panic attacks but had to hide them from the other women I worked with. My thing is drinking water and sucking on pepermints to try and make myself feel better while Im out or having an attack. Well, I went through 3 days of hell and was really trying when the fourth day out of no where I just felt like I was going to pass out. I suddenly had a horrible stomach ache too. I rushed to to the bathroom..I tried to compose myself and I was crying so hard. I was ashamed and felt like a freak. I went back to the office and tried to forget about the panic. I couldnt help it anymore. I was white as a ghost at this point. I told them woman that had been training me that I had just thrown up (of course I couldnt tell her the truth) and told her I thought I was going to have to leave early. She said oh no thats fine go ahead and go sweetie. I said are you sure its okay? I dont want to lose this position.  She assured me it was fine. Later when I got home I was so worried I called the temp agency. They said that the woman had called and fired me ten min. after I left!!  Thats just one of the jobs Ive had this past year. Since then I havent been able to work out of the house. I take care of my boyfriends sister who is disabled. If it werent for that I wouldnt be able to bring in any money at all. Please continue to share stories of your employment problems. It really does make me feel better as Im sure it does everyone else. Plus I have many more stories where that came from if anyone ever wants me to tell more...

[Deemet99]

I have not been on for awhile due to computer problems but was so glad to read all of the stories about working/not working while dealing with anxiety, panic, and depression.
Im still trying to deal with all of the same things as most of you....I guess my main problem is the fact that I am only 35 and already cannot work. 
Sending you all good thoughts today. 
Danielle

[gblvdgirl]

About 12 years ago, I was on SSI for the same reason. I couldn't drive anywhere unless someone was with me.
I would even get panic attacks then. I've had agoraphobia since I was 11 when my mom died in a car accident. It got bad again when I was 19. I went to counseling and it seamed to get better. Then at 25 here it comes again, went to counseling. I finished college shortly therafter when I was 29. Seamed to be fine until about 6 months ago. Now I'm 36. I'm scared to take meds b/c the ones I've taken I didn't like how they made me feel. My anxiety has also changed. I used to feel like I couldn't breathe and my heart was racing. Now I get to the point where I think I'm going crazy and can't think. It's a horrible feeling! Especially when I'm by myself. My work is only 4 miles away and I can't make it. I've been getting rides and I feel bad like I'm inconveniencing everyone. When I'm at work at work, I'm Ok most of the time. I have no choice but to work b/c of financial reasons. I used to never miss work. I think in the past 6 months, I've called in at least once a month. I'm scared I'm going to get fired. I've been making myself sick all the time with Urinary tract infections from the stress. I'm having  some family problems too, which only makes it worse. I feel bad for my kids, b/c I keep forcing them to go places with me like the grocery store.

[alwaysanxious]

gblvdgirl

I've had a similar experience. about two years ago i have having big problems with my daughter's mother and she left us. also, around that time i had to cope with the stress of  being alone with a one year old 90% of the time and working a full-time job. that's when i noticed that i started getting feelings like i thought i was going to die or something was wrong with me. you knwo the classic panic symptoms. well, i have a fear of going to the doctor, but i finaly went and she put me on paxil. also, it helped b/c my dad developed the disorder when he was my age so he was good at convincing me that nothing was wrong and it was all in my head. now, the driving part. i sometimes get so afraid to drive anywhere alone like you b/c of the panic. i have had times where i had to stop along the road get out of the car and just pace until it went away. i have to say the paxil makes them less severe, but they are still there. i also feel like i'm going totally crazy sometimes when it happens. however, i do have to drive 30 miles each way to work and that definately doesn't help, but i've learned that when you feel it coming on just tell yourself that you know what is happening and you aren't going to let it get to you. the good thing is, when you are driving alone you can talk out loud (i know it sounds crazy lol) but i find i can talk myself out of a panic attack now more often. i used to talk myself into them. just hang in there, you will be fine. i too used to call into work and i still do occasionally, but you should be ok. that is why they give you sick days to use. also, stay away from alcohol, trust me i learned the hard way. i get the panic attacks sometimes at work too, but if you just talk to yourself and calm yourself down you will be ok. hope this helps knowing someone else is like you.
Also, to the other posts, i had similar experiences when the employers don't care about your disorder. my first job out of college i told my supervisor i had to leave early and told him why and he just laughed at me. boy i felt like a crazy person then. i did leave and went to the doctor and thats when she told me what i had. she even gave a call to his supervisor and he got in trouble, but he took every chance to mess with me after that. i ended up quitting that job to go to a higher paying, better one and i quit without giving him 2 weeks notice right at a time where there was alot of work to be done and he ended up having to do it himself. hang in there everyone

[mprinceton]

Jazzy,

Welcome and thank you for such an excellent post. I know exactly where your comming from. FOr me Panic & Anxiety started early on in College and there were times that I didn't know how I was going to finish. I went on anti depressants just to make it through and they completely turned me into a zombie. I graduated with a low C average and was in the ozone napping all day constantly. Once graduated I encountered exactly what your describing now. My first job was going decent enough but the symptoms came back each time I tried to lower my dose. This time last year in March I had a horendous panic attack in a board room where I thought I was going to pass out on the floor in front of everybody. In fact I spent the last remaining months of that job avoiding the board room & meetings. I would take breaks, run into the bathrom or the parking lot whenever I knew I'd have to face such a situation. I was completely hostage to my Panic & ANxiety. Of course I eventually quit and retreated to Agoraphibc behavior at my house which just made it worse.

WHats weird now is its comming up on March of 08. I've given a talk so far in front of a group of people. I'm excercising. Do my symptoms of panic occur? Aboslutely. The morning doom like feeling, the immediate tunnel foggy vision when I get into a public place, pins and needles, feeling like 'm going to pass out, feelings of unexplained impending doom. I just let it happen. I've decide if I'm going to pass out in front of people so what ? I get rushed to the ER maybe? Or Maybe not. I tell eerybody "Oh sorry I have problems with blood sugar" The same with a job of an interview. If I start having a panic attack in front of a manager or something I plan to just kind of let it happen and then cut the meeting short and say "sorry I've been under a lot of sress lately". I found this is the only approach for me not to be held hostage by this disorder. There is one common thing that we all know this can't kill us.. All it is .. is just annoying adrenaline being secreated from our glads at inappropriate times.

With all that said I haven't passed out yet. I still haven't returned to work but I enrolled in another degree program and applied these techniques when things started getting rough. But on the success note... I'm swimming in the pool again competitive distances just as I was on swim team.. Previously I had panic attacks in the pool and couldn't even watch the Olympics or people swimming on TV. So thats a huge gain.

I know it sounds crazy Jazzy but just give it some thought.. Give this the whole "So what? What's the worst that could happen approach?" . I'm sure you've seen people collapse in a mall or something or at work. They either get up with some help or get an ambulance ride. People around them are concerned but its nowhere near the end of the world. You're capable of this Jazzy because you've been through the worst of it. In my mind anyone who has experienced this disorder and these dreadful doom like thoughts that you get has been to hell and back again. You're a lot stronger than you realise right now. ALl the best and keep us posted


Michael

[aeydownlow]

Thanks mprinceton, I couldn't agree with you more. Jazzy try to take one day at a time. Today I'm planning to got to work and face this. It's hard but there has to be a point in your life when you must stand up and say, I want to take charge of my life again.

I'm taking meds, right now so far aside from the sleepless nights I'm feeling ok. hopefully we'll all get through this.