Do people actually date etc with an anxiety issue?

[Happy sailing]

This is something that I have wondered about.
I haven't dated for a while, and right now I am focussing on "recovering".
However, it surprises me to see SO many people talking about dating, or being in relationships while dealing with an anxiety issue.
I guess, it is partly due to the thought of someone wanting to be with someone who has an anxiety issue.  I have been single for a while, and I guess I am sort of too "out of it"...LOL!
Like, I feel like my social skills are SO rusty in this area!
Also, we are all just human, and no one is perfect.
Just surprising the people who brave it!
 

[SuzyParker]

My own personal issues with GAD and my "fix" (Klonopin) makes me not very easy to dating.  I'm either too wigged out about stuff or too blase...  but, sure..  it's okay to date.. you're still you.   Everyone has something to deal with - no one is perfect.   I'm usually drawn to men who are laid-back, easy going, calm and steady..   the opposite of ME!!       Seriously.  don't shut yourself out of life.    If you feel up to it, date.. if not, don't pressure yourself.  Best Regards

[Happy sailing]

Thanks for responding Suzy!
Well...before I started having this anxiety issue, I actually hadn't dated for a while.
I moved to a small town over 4 years ago and my job schedule pretty much ruled out much of a social life.  I worked evenings and splits on Fri, Sat, and Sun.
Then this year, tragedy and stuff, stress from work and no social life/support...health issues and Anxiety now.  Not working currently...hard - my friends are mainly where I used to live.  Want to move back, but now no money..
anyway...
are you working?

[konwayeast]

I started dating my wife right around the time I first started dealing with anxiety. In some ways, I used it to force myself to get out and not fall into the "avoidance" trap of anxiety, even when it would have been easier to stay home. There were definitely some times where I had to kinda work through the anxious nights on dates, but of course, you are supposed to expose yourself to things that make you anxious if you ever want to overcome those anxieties:)
If you can push your comfort level a bit every now and then, it can be very helpful in battling anxiety. Just don't try to bite off more than you can chew, or get too worked up over anything that may or may not happen!:)

[Happy sailing]

Hey there Kon,
yeah, thanks for responding!
I think that where I am now, I of course think of ALL the choices I should of made!!  To not get myself into this jam!  LOL
Small town...I am not getting out much.  Not working is hard, especially with no social life.
I even tried to get back to a couple of shifts at my old job, but that isn't happening right now.
I think work would help me keep my mind better occupied.  Not much work here.  Also, I don't know what I can handle right now.  Want something part time to start.
I would love to even be back at my old job for now.  The familiarity etc of it would help ease me back into things.
I am a Christian, so, for me, I am praying God wlll make a way etc.
As for my part, I wish there was anything even small I could do right now. 
Encouraging that you still 'put yourself out there' with the anxiety issues.  I have always been shy as it was!  LOL!! Now this is high-larious - if you consider it compared to my being "shy" before!  LOL
 

[jelampe85]

I found that online dating helped me with dating. Going up to a girl and asking for he number i wouldn't know where to begin. But using a online website allowed me to find a girl that fit my personality. We talked online a lot before we went on our first date. Which helped me get to know her and feel comfortable enough to meet her face to face. 

[SuzyParker]

Happy Sailing..  It seems like you are going through a lot right now.. and when anyone is stressed (even people without anxiety issues) it makes it more difficult to focus on a relationship.. but it's good to have a support system (whether it be someone to date or just a circle of friends).  I work as much as possible.   Work is one of the few things I am never anxious about.   I feel in control and confident at work.   My home (an old money pit) drives me wiggy with its repairs, severe weather drives me wiggy (lots of rain or snow), anything out of my control or that I cannot anticipate is what gets me.  I, too, am a Christian and I pray a lot and believe that Jesus is always beside me even when I'm at my wit's end.  Be kind to yourself.  These feelings pass..  there is a lot of good in life and there are a lot of good people in the world.  Be open to that.  One of my regrets is that I have spent too much time at work in my comfort zone and am alone a lot in my personal life..  the next 10 days are tough for me.. holidays.. uggg.. no family, no boyfriend now..   rough going..  But, it will be a new year soon 

[Happy sailing]

Jel..
I have thought about that, and think I might try the online thing sometime.  It is a good way to break the ice etc ahead of time.

Suzy..
Yeah, thanks for the advice.
I am glad to have God too.  Forme though, I am finding some of the fears coming up are spiritully related.  Even though I didn't have them before.  So, it is REALLY difficult when I am having those fears to say, it is only my anxiety.  A lot of fears we can more easily rationalize away as anxiety.  Some are A LOT harder when they sound like they can be more plausible...
I would love to work.  However, as I said, small town-not many work options.  Also I haven't gone back to work since I stopped working due to the anxiety and symptoms.
Do you have different fears?
Hugs 

[SuzyParker]

Happy - i have tons of fears - they pop in and out.. mostly related to my old house.   I see a light flicker and sometimes it doesn't faze me and other times I'm terrified it's a sign of my house about to burn down (despite the fact the electricna reassuring me)..  I get water in the basement.  I realize it's just a leaky underground, but I worry that the house may slide off the earth.     I take Klonopin (a benzo) and that helps me a lot.  It keeps things in perspective.   So, yes, my fears are all over the place and come and go.   But I struggle with it and I take the meds and just appreciate the days when I'm not so afraid.   What are the things you worry about?   Is there anyone who can reassure you about them?

[CuddleBunny]

I'm 19 and I'm also dating right now. I've had anxiety since I was 15 and initially I was quite frightened of the thought of dating. I never dated in high school because of this reason and also because my family had a heavy emphasis on focussing on my studies. But when you like someone and begin to fall in love with them, it's hard to stay away from them.

Remember, everyone has their faults.
No one is perfect, including ourselves.
It's okay to slowly open up to others as they will begin to slowly open up to you too and remember, dating relationships don't always go from nothing one day and something big the other day. no pressure ! 
And when it comes to dating, everyone is nervous ;)

I hope this helps!! :)
ps: even though I've been in a relationship, I still feel anxious sometimes. It's okay to feel this way sometimes :)

[Brody108]

I am going to be 26 years old next month and one of the things that makes me anxious is being alone. I really want to start dating and it would be great to have a support system.

The catch is I'm too dang anxious to date because of my anxiety lol! Can't win

[CuddleBunny]

The thing with dating is, we have to stop thinking that the other person will judge us. When we are talking about dating, we are referring to someone who is more than a friend, a loved one who cares for us and is concerned about us. If they are someone who is going to judge and make a fool of themselves by putting us down, then they are better off not having us :) everyone deserves more

Everyone will meet someone they are naturally attracted too, it may be their kindness, their humour or their concern for you. Things like these will put you at ease rather than put you in a frightened state.

So have hope fellow friends,
I was terrified of finding a relationship, scared that I'm not good enough for my boyfriend. Scared that there was nothing to be liked about me. But think of it in a different way - what if he's not good enough for YOU. Don't let the pressure be on us. We can all do this together <3

Cuddle bun bun xxx

[cutecat25]

Nope, i cant date. I have gone on a few one off dates, but freaked out and it never continued. I have bad intimacy issues, whenever a guy even seems to like me i freak out I dont know how to change this, i just have so many issues dating is the last thing i want to do

[sparky5556]

Yes you can date.  This is where I met my beautiful princess.  We both have anxiety.  It can work. We are like each others support system.  I couldn't be happier!

[coeus]

Hi Happy Sailing,

Although I have generalised anxiety, I've never had issues with dating or being single for long. In fact, I think the anxiety plays a part of my personality which gives it a more appealling result. Don't ask how or why! I wouldn't be able to answer that accurately. However, I've been told by my girlfriend and ex's that the anxiety gives me a quirky or witty flair because I can be quite quick to (nervously) respond or give an opinion. I honestly think this is the reason why I can still date when I need to - I might be anxious but I take it in my stride and see if it's enough for the other person. And if it's not then that's that. And if it is, well, goody.

The funny thing with dating is while you're busy thinking about how poorly you'll go or whether that 'anxiety' will show or not - you're actually missing out on how fun or great or an experience dating can be. It might not end up as you expect it but dating is supposed to be challenging, exciting and provoking (the good ones anyway!). You mentioned that you're sort of "out of it" - you do sound like you're quite eager though and aware of the possibility of dating which is a great start.

I'm curious - are you thinking of "getting out there?"

[Happy sailing]

Sparky-- AMAZING!!! Sounds like a miracle to me! 

Coeus--- well...I would like too.  It is just due to my insecurity, and I feel lack of opportunity, now that years have gone by and there doesn't seem to be a lot of fish out there... I haven't really dated in SOOO long!! So my normal amount of insecurity and shyness, has now multiplied greatly by the anxiety, and some depression.  So it also affects my self esteem!!   
Yet I do NOT want to be single for the rest of my life.... I have tried the online thing a couple times, a couple of weeks here and there.. Just seems SO time consuming and fruitless!! 
So... .?   

[london23]

I've had various opportunities to date late but I just haven't, mainly because I don't feel yet ready for it and secondly I don't want the stress or more anxiety of problems that a relationship can bring

[coeus]

Coeus--- well...I would like too.  It is just due to my insecurity, and I feel lack of opportunity, now that years have gone by and there doesn't seem to be a lot of fish out there... I haven't really dated in SOOO long!! So my normal amount of insecurity and shyness, has now multiplied greatly by the anxiety, and some depression.  So it also affects my self esteem!!   
Yet I do NOT want to be single for the rest of my life.... I have tried the online thing a couple times, a couple of weeks here and there.. Just seems SO time consuming and fruitless!! 
So... .?   

Bummer. Even so, maybe starting off slow by chatting more to others and starting to open up (gradually) may help. Nevermind about how much fish is out there! Just start off slowly perhaps by working on what you can with your self-esteem. And the rest will follow.

Btw, you mentioned that you couldn't work - what sort of work could you do without the anxiety getting in the way?

[Happy sailing]

Coeus -
Hey there!  Thanks for responding!  Your words are encouraging to me, so thank you! 
I want to do as you say and slowly step out.   
I think ot worrying about the fishes a good idea. 
As far as work is concerned, I want to go back to work.  I have actually been looking everyday, and handing out resumes, however, time of year, and a SMALL city, the market is close to nil right now.
I left work due to physical symptoms and never had to deal with what I am dealing before, so, it is a big step etc.
However, I have been getting better, and I think work would help A LOT !! It is TOO hard not doing much- not a lot of options socially either.  However, I am trying to get there via the gym, and church, and visiting the few friends I have in this city. (moved here under 5 years ago-most of my social life was through work).
As for work, I have looking at stores, even things like coffee shops, restaurants, and offices.
Anyway.. Thanks again!! Anything else inspiring comes to mind, let me know. 

[alanastrums]

I used to date quite a bit despite having GAD and social anxiety. For some reason, dating was one of the few areas I seemed to be able to push through the anxiety. Maybe it's because I've always wanted it so badly. It definitely affected my relationships, no question. I've only been with one person who was truly supportive, understanding, and didn't make me feel bad about having needs around it. But I know those people do exist.

Recently, I've been having issues around dating after a bad relationship. Dating makes me impossibly anxious and sick to my stomach now. I can relate with people who are scared of dating more than I could before. I think it's just something one has to work on to overcome. I'm working on it in therapy and am trying to stay hopeful that it will get better. Best of luck!

[jesses]

I have never been in a long term relationship because of anxiety until now were I found someone who is extremely supportive and understanding and we have been together for a year so far
It's nice to find that perso who will stick by you even though I can be rotten sometimes

[Squeemy]

Dating can be a great distraction from anxiety which in turn can boost your happiness & reduce the symptoms. Just be careful of where your at mentally though. You dont want to be out on a date & have an anxiety attack as it may not look to good on a first date lol (speaking from experience .

Sometimes anxiety can be brought to the surface when we are lonely & have too much time with our own heads  which is also why dating can be good, just choose your dates wisely as i have found the wrong people can cause anxiety to worsen.

I prefer not to date someone who also has an anxiety disorder as I have enough trouble dealing with my own anxiety & dont feel that my wall isnt stable enough to support someone else without crumbling in a heap. This is a catch 22 because the people without anxiety disorders are less likely to understand what it can be like which can be bad too. I learnt this from experience.  I did date someone once who had anxiety & i felt bad because when he needed support I couldnt be there because I couldnt deal with it as it caused my anxiety to manifest which was bad for both of us.

I agree online dating can be a great avenue to dip your toes in & test the water :)

[mr.B]

Yes, I have been in a relationship for over a year... Though my anxiety was not bad in the beginning... I stopped taking zoloft about the time we started dating... I had my 'days' but nothings too bad..

Unfortunately some of my issues have come back over the last month-month and a half... It has been ok, I just take it day by day but I just realized that being at her house causes me to have some serious anxiety attacks... It is sad because sometimes I just have to leave her house, like right away and I know it is some what hard on her. I am trying really hard to get back how I was a few months ago. I have no problem with random panic attacks every so often but just anxiety all day all the time like I have been having sucks.. One thing that helps me is just being at work, I enjoy my job and I can actually take my mind of it and have a good work shift! just coming home .... 

I hope that everyone is able to get out there and date, or do whatever you wish to do.. At the end of the day we need to try and enjoy things in life, I think that is what it all boils down to.. Just finding your 'happy' place and having more of those 'good' days.

 

[WellSeeker11]

I've had anxiety for most of my life, and in my younger years, it was difficult to socialize or even date. Now, I'm engaged to a very supportive person. I try not to let my anxiety affect my relationships, but it slips in anyway. He was sweet enough to accept me and work with me through it all. It also helps that he can relate to me, because it turns out that we both have anxiety pretty bad. We just support each other as much as possible.

[Happy sailing]

Well seeker - curious as to your age and where you met your fiancé?