where to start ? It started in 1995 when I was 20 years old. I had a episode of a mental illness (schizoaffective bipolar type) where I was in the hospital for over 28 days. They put me on lithium and a bunch of other meds. I had huge anxiety, really working overboard. Everything little seemed to become huge. slowly I began to feel better. My delushions let up but the anxiety has always been there. at some points it was worse than others. Having panic attacks is the worst thing in the world to have with no relief. I had extreme anxiety and had all kinds of horrible thoughts. In 1997 I was but on 2mg ativan at night. I stayed on ativan for 12 years there about. in 2009 I got a new dr and the dr took me off ativan. Boy.. has been a struggle since then. I never abused it and only took it like I was suspose to and still went thru terrible withdrawls, but made it thru it. In feb 2012 I found out that I had stage 3 kidney disease from taking Lithium for 17 years. Well guess what I had to come off a bunch of medication. I am kinda mad about it because the shrink just kept giving me lithium and wasnt checking my labs or paying attention to my kidneys. So since feb I have not had any lithium which means its really hard to control my emotions and with that my anxiety goes thru the roof everytime something comes up. Well something big came up, I had to move and get a new place and all of that. Since then my nerves will not calm down and have major anxiety when my husband goes to work. I am sitting here thinking of everything and anything all the time and going overboard with anxiousness. I have reasons to have anxiety it just goes overboard where I CAN NOT stop thinking of these things. I really wish I had someone to talk to or at least someone to understand what I am going thru. I have irrational thoughts and just feel like I am going to die. I have to talk to social security because I moved and even though I am not hiding anything I feel like they are just gonna put me jail for doing something wrong.
I do have a great support system and a few friends online that I can talk to. I have social anxiety and so I do not have friends in life just people I pass by and talk to here and there. My mom is great and so is my sister they will do anything they can to help me feel better. It is easier being open about my anxiety and letting people know about it. However just feeling it is horrible and try to find anyway of feeling better. I just dont know what to do to feel better
thanks for listening