I need a calm-down from somebody.
I've been doing very well with my lymphoma health anxieties these last few weeks, and then, in the last few days, they've returned with a vengeance. First, I thought I felt a suspicious node in my armpit. I had my doctor check it out, and she said it wasn't a node at all, but part of my tendon. She was actually wonderful and spent 45 minutes with me (unheard of in a doctor's office, these days), telling me what to look for with lymphoma, and even typing up a list of symptoms for me to carry around in terms of when a node really is suspicious, etc.
Well, last night, I found myself poking and prodding my neck, and discovered what I thought was a small node under my chin that I'd never felt before. I poked and prodded until the whole area was red and sore and inflamed. Today, I went back to the doctor, to be told that this is a node, but that, even with all of my poking and prodding, it's still well under 1 centimeter, and nothing, in all likelihood to worry about, particularly because it's painful and tender. The doctor did say that the only way I might be convinced of my health is to have a CAT scan, which is the first time this has been mentioned to me. It freaked me out for a moment, as I thought, "Does the doctor think I NEED a CAT scan?" But she said that no, she doesn't, but that it might reassure me.
So, please calm me down. I'm trying to be reasonable. I have no fevers, no night sweats, no weight loss (I've in fact gained 22 pounds since all this crap began), no fatigue, no coughing, no shortness of breath. I have, to my knowledge, not a single lymph node on my body larger than 1 centimeter, and I've had the doctor(s) feel everywhere. Tell me that I'm being unreasonable to keep worrying.
And, as for the CAT scan, the thought is appealing, on the one hand, but on the other, I keep thinking that the relief it might provide would last a few days, a week at the most. I welcome your thoughts on this, too.