Constantly Afraid People Hate Me...

[fallofasparrow]

I'm always afraid people hate me. In social situations, I'm utterly and completely paranoid, apologizing for everything and beating myself up over the smallest detail. I agonize for hours over texting somebody "Hey, is there anything cool going on tonight?" in case they see me as a hanger-on who isn't welcome in their group. I feel like I'm never actually invited to things, I just show up and hope people don't kick me out/ignore me. How can you tell if people like you? How do I get over this overwhelming paranoia that people secretly hate me and are just too polite to say so? I'm so confused...this is killing my social life and all my burgeoning friendships at college...HELP.

[Cuchculan]

To be honest with you, I think if they hated you that much you would be well aware of it by now. People choose who they want to have around. If they didn't want you around I am sure they would have let you know in some small way by now. I am not sure if you have any 1 friend who you might feel closer to than the rest of the pack. One you can really trust in. Who you can talk to? Get an honest answer. But in my own opinion they wouldn't involve you in their plans if they really hated you that much. Just irrational thinking. You still go out with them. Then still accept you as part of their little click. That tells me they still like you and want you there.

[wolff-ett]

Those feelings are hard to shake. Sometimes they are projected though, like maybe you don't love yourself as much as you could. Can you smile at your self in the mirror? Cause that's the first step

[tinam7]

Agree that liking and loving yourself is a piece of the foundation for all the rest. Then you won't really care one way or another what anyone else thinks. They'll flock to you. It is very liberating.

One of the key principles (for me, anyway) of CBT is Positive Self Talk. What do many of us get plenty of? Negatives, put-downs, criticisms, etc. etc. But that can be changed. Smiling at yourself in the mirror is a fine goal.

[blusmomma]

I've been rejected by almost everyone or every friend I should say since I was a kid..I currently have no friends and I am very lonely.I have a great husband but we have our issues. I think I am either really weird or I smell. Otherwise I don't quit understand what is wrong with me. I am positive around others, funny, and generally an o.k person to be around so what is the deal? Girls always chose another bestfriend to have over me, and guys don't want women as friends..I'm sick of having not one girlfriend to talk too. At 34 years old, I am becoming quite jaded and I really don't know if I'd live a full life if it weren't for my kids..When one feels utterly disliked by their peers (since they were little) you start to wonder what is the point of being on this planet?..it seems kinship and good times to be the sole purpose of existence..thankfully I have a loving family beside me..but my daughters aren't supposed to fill that void...maybe when they're grown perhaps..I give up on me at this point..all day, (on my days off) I sit alone, no one calls, no one comments on my 0457, no plans ever to be made..just alone while kids are at school and husband at work..I am starting to be grateful that I work as much as I do, at least it gives me less time to think, however it's a new job and I'm waiting to be rejected by my co workers too..It will happen eventually..sorry, I just realized I turned this post into myself..god how awful of me..maybe this is why?? anyways hope you start to feel more confident soon.

[Boxx]

I understand you very much about how lonely you are. However, you have a family and a husband I don't have anyone. When I say anyone, I mean ANYONE. I live my life alone with a little dog. I have no friends, family, mate, or children. I can truly say I fell as if I’m one of the loneliest women in the world.
Not only that I don’t trust easily. So, how do I get myself out of this mess? I wish I had as much as you
Thank God that you can look at your child and feel some hope and true unconditional love from their eyes has to be the most beautiful experience EVER. A joy that one cannot buy or even imagine. I will pray for us both. But, remember this, there is always someone worst off then you…. True blessings to you and yours dear…..

[mikey82]

I understand completely! I am new to this forum, and I only wish I hadn't waited so long to seek out advice. My condition cost me my friends as well. I have not had a stable romantic relationship, and sad to say, at 30 y/o, my mother is my only real friend. She is the only one that has always been there for me. That woman has nerves of steel, I swear! I always fell like I am inconveniencing someone by contacting them, so I end up waiting until someone contacts me or even says "Hello". I have improved a little with the medicine I am on now, but it only helps so much. It seems like no one else understands unless they have been through the same thing. I am very glad I found this group!

[BellaNoa]

I feel like this too! If I do the smallest thing wrong I feel like I'm a horrible person and everyone hates me.

I don't really know how to deal with it, but I'd say just smiling and acting like people like you might work. There's the whole thing about how you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you, but I know how hard it can be to have confidence with an anxiety disorder. Do you have any family or friends you feel comfortable enough just asking what they like and dislike about you?

About being invited to things, maybe you should plan a night out and invite friends to join you. Then, they can't say you're not welcome or you don't belong or anything because you'd be the center of the evening. Try inviting two friends that don't know each other or know each other through you, so you really will be the center of attention, unless being the center of attention causes you more anxiety, that is...

Anyways, I hope this helped a bit, and if not then I hope someone else's post does!

Thanks,
Noa

[Ilovemydog89]

Reading these posts has made me feel a lot less alone! Blusmomma, I have been abandoned by many friends throughout my life as well and was bullied throughout my years at school. It has left me with major trust issues and low self-confidence. Now, I feel like I either shy away from social situations or try way too hard to fit in. I constantly analyze every situation and worry whether or not people like me. Even worse, I will like pick one person who I think i can be really close with and then get upset when they talk to other people out of fear that they will like them more than me.

I am in grad school now and this happened with my only friend in my class. She got moved to the other section for two classes last year and became friends with another group of people. Now it seems evident that she prefers their company to mine and it's tearing me up! I obsess over every encounter with her. The group is nice but I feel like I cannot be my true self around them out of fear that they won't like me. I also worry that they all hang out on weekends and leave me out. All I have ever wanted in life is to be popular and accepted.

[vonbock]

I know this feeling.
 I have had this feeling since childhood.  I tried to make up for it by pretending to be someone else or saying dumb things. 
I thought noone would ever like me because I wasn't as smart as them, had a nice body like them, rich like them, good like them, cool as them. 

Now I realize, looking back, many people back then would have liked me for being me.  Just smiling, listening to them, and treating them with respect.  Of course, there's always the bad apples but once you learn to get rid of the bad one , everything seems to be better. 

I learned  at the end, if you enjoy ourself  and life.  You are just generally happier.  Enjoy learning about the other person rather than worrid if they are going to like you or not.

I hope my  experience helps you out.

[PinkIcePrincess]

  I can so relate to this topic and at least give my input..yay huh!! lol

I was so bullied in school and at home so my self esteem was always bad and I hated going to school I hated going home but I had to do both.  I was called so many names and believed them,well I never had any boyfriends until my senior year of Highschool and got pregnant by him and we married ,I did have the baby the next year so I did graduate which I am so glad...anyways that ended in divorce I felt he never loved me and was just stuck because we had a son so I ended it... I started working and dating and thought ok I am not so bad anymore but man did men make me feel bad about myself...so I met a man got married again well he was Charles Mansons twin!!!
 He beat me and belittled me and was just horrible so I once again after awhile moved out leaving everything except my son,started over.. I felt like dirt again.
  I met my 3rd hubby where I worked and had many guys wanna mess around they did not wanna date me or anything ..so I met my hubby we dated for 4 years and have been married since 1998 ....and after all these years Guys still think I am pretty however I do not..so it is within us to find peace and love and to be HONEST NOT GIVE A FLYIN TURD WHAT OTHERS THINK!!
    True!! People are gonna always judge and there are always gossping women in circles and men too.. You walk with you head up and have self confidence it makes you bigger and beautiful then any of them!
  Face it head on with a smile,for some reason people hate when you smile at them because they are miserable ..do not let negative people define you.
  If they stare then stare back and say Well Hello How are you? I do it lol.
Take care and good Luck to you all!!
PinkIcePrincess

[Borisbmx]

  self esteem is very important.   i had a lot of negative self talk since the beginning and it took about a year of positive self esteem work before it really sank in and i started to really  believe it.  You are very young so there is plenty of hope!  I would go on Youtube and test out David McGraws free videos because the sound is excellent and the words and phrases are potent like psychotherapy!