I can't handle this...need someone's advice PLEASE

[marmar15]

Hi All,

If you have time to read this I would appreciate any feedback....

I've been visiting this site for the past few months and during that time my mental state has been on a massive roller coaster. I won't go into detail with how it all began b/c it seems to be irrelevant now, but I have mostly been suffering from uncontrolled obsessive & repetitive thoughts that in turn create a huge amount of anxiety in me. For a couple months I was also suffering from really intense intrusive images that were hard to deal with but those have seemed to diminish for the time being. Most of my fears and obsessions are about completely irrational and bizarre things (as for most suffering from anxiety) I have been on Effexor XR since the end of July, started at 37.5 mg went up 70 mg, then 112 mg and now have been at 150 mg for the past 2 weeks. I also went to a few therapy sessions but my insurance for it ran out.

Lately the theme of my new obsession has been about the concept of thinking and hearing my "inner voice." I am paranoid that hearing myself think and that talking to myself (in my head) is abnormal and weird (even if the things I'm saying aren't bad!!) I also obsess about how other people think and what they're inner voice sounds like. I've Googled for countless hours about this topic. I've always had a lot of internal dialogue, it usually helps me to cope with things. Its never bothered me until something triggered me to be anxious about it. I feel so disconnected from myself. I thought I was getting better with the help of the meds but dealing with this is making me feel hopeless again   I don't know why this is happening, I feel like I'm constantly banging my head against the wall. There is no real reason for me to be anxious but my mind makes me believe that there is. I don't want to lose my identity...I'm scared.

I know this may just be feeding the OCD but i feel like I need reassurance from people! I need to know what other peoples thoughts sound like so I can compare them to mine and make sure that mine are normal.

If I'm still having this much anxiety & obsessive symptoms at week 12 of the Effexor XR should I consider switching meds?? Or perhaps increasing the dose again?  I can't say the medication hasn't helped me at all, I was much more depressed about 2 months ago. I'm just going through another horrible spell. Maybe this is something medication can't help....

Well anyway, thanks for reading.

[marmar15]

I really really wish someone would say something. Anything at all.

[worryingsucks20]

Hi marmar,

I don't think this is uncommon at all.
I also think the same thing at times.

You would deffinately know if it was "hearing voices" you were experiencing.

You are just thinking too much in to it. And because of this you are listening to your thoughts and thinking "Is this me thinking?" or voices.

Honestly don't worry about it- I know easier said that done. But you would sooo know if it was voices you were hearing!!

Take care

[andie]

Hey There!

I am so sorry you are going through this, this has been my 'thing' for yearsssssssssssssss... now.  It is awful, believe me.  I was diagnosed with OCD back at age 21 and am age 32 (nearly 33) now.  I've had the more common obsessions when I was younger, prior to taking multiple courses in psychology.  Once I entered the land of self-diagnosis and google, my obsessions ran the gamut.  My main thing is, (and believe me I know this sounds absolutely crazy) my own thoughts are in the 3rd person, almost as if I have an imaginary friend.

I know that sounds absolutely bonkers and nuts.  I know (at all times, and have not ever lost sight of this) that this is always my mind, that I am not 'hearing things' and so forth.  Still, because of the body's response to anxiety, some symptoms can mimic the feeling of 'losing it' or 'losing control'.  That is to say, depersonalization is a result of the chemical reaction we experience as faulted by anxiety.  I don't know if that makes any sense....but, I can absolutely relate to what you're going through.  Hopefully it helps to read through my post.

Feel free to message me if you want.  As always, the fact that you and I , or anyone else on here experiencing bizarre thoughts questions our 'sanity' is proof enough that we are 'sane' individuals. 

Best Wishes!
Andrea

[blurryangel]

My inner voice irritates me. But i used to worry it was abnormal and never told anybody till i told a Dr. and they said its OCD. I have some crazy thoughts. That if i do this, or dont do this, bad things will happen. for example: i ll become a child molester and not remember/my guinea pig will die/ i ll get sick/ my boyfriend will leave me. And other things. I wish i could make it go away for good. But it does it get better. You just to fight back. Reemind urself its OCD and not the truth...

[marmar15]

I know this post was from a while ago but I realized I never thanked you for your responses! I had to come back on here today cause I've been relapsing a bit with this obsession, except this time its taken a bit of a different form- as anxiety usually does. reading your advice again has helped so thank you.

[MiniShopaholic]

hi Marmar! You are not alone... actually I have quite a similar problems as you! and then I used to think that I am the only one person who is tortured by the thoughts. Yes, usually we will have kind of like 2 person talking inside our head.. In my own head, they are the good and the bad ones... Even both have different voices hahahaha... but i think that is quite normal, it is just our mind trying to figure out what is the good and the bad. don't worry or think too much about that.

I am often obsessed about what other people think about me also... And actually we shouldn't, because normally there will be people who like us and don't like us. And don't bother with those who dislike us.

I think I have OCD too.. However, no psychologist has confirm that... It is just my thinking.