You are not going psychotic. I have dealt with psychotic people and they don't even know they are psychotic. This is plain and simple an obsession with your mental state and thoughts and your reaction to those thoughts which causes more anxiety, numbness, derealization, etc. Then you see something like the Sandy Hook shooting and think, OMG that could be me next month. It won't be you, so calm down.
You will be okay but you have to be committed to waging war on this crap every day. Are you seeing a therapist? How about meds, are you on any? Do you exercise? I'm not talking a twenty minute walk, I'm talking an hour of driving your heart rate up to about 60-70% of you max.
Another possibility is that sometimes emotional numbing is a way that your mind is telling you it is recovering from a long bout of anxiety or depression. It is healing itself. It will go away, you just need to use to weapons to make it go away faster.
Talk to me, Goose.
EclecticJoe, thank you for this. You are completely right in every aspect. I do have a complete obsession with my mental state and I am always questioning my feelings and thoughts due to my symptoms. I always over think things, and believe they are way worse than they really are. For example, lately I have been feeling really edgy, jittery, this weird hyper feeling.. and I immediately came to the conclusion that this may be a Bi Polar symptom I am having. (Even though deep down, I know I'm not). It just takes a huge toll.. Day in, day out. Always questioning my sanity even though nothing bad has happened for me to believe any of it. I am just going off of the weird sensations I feel everyday.
I do see a therapist who has told me I suffer from Anxiety, and OCD. I have mentioned all my fears to him about going crazy, schizophrenia, Bi Polar disorder and he tells me I'm just suffering from Anxiety, OCD. He has known me my entire life, so I should believe him when he says I'm not and just stop worrying. But, I cant.. no matter how many times I am assured it's like my mind will say "But.. WHAT IF you are?" It sucks. These "what if" thoughts, all come from my symptoms as well. Exercise wise, I do 6 days a week, sometimes twice a day. I row competitively in college and have to stay in tip top shape. We have had the past week off though, so I have taken the past week to recover from months of training.
Again, I really appreciate all that you have said. It gives me reassurance as well as confidence that I can get through this no matter how down/weird I feel.
I agree with Joe. Psychologically speaking, derealization does seem like it is essentially a defense mechanism, or a way of kind of automatically detaching ourselves from anxiety problems...rather than facing the issues directly.
Try to identify and examine the thoughts that go along with these feelings as specifically as possible, and explore the root causes of your anxiety. How do you feel physically when you experience derealization and what do you fear will happen as a result? The more specific you can get, the better. You can start to systematically break down and disprove the automatic irrational thoughts in your subconscious. It's a good first step knowing on a conscious level that you aren't going insane, but there are still thoughts there in the subconscious that make you (falsely) believe, or at least worry, otherwise!
Konwayeast, thank you for your reply also. The main fear I have when it comes to the weird sensations of derealization, is that it is more than just derealization. Like, for example, that it isn't related to Anxiety and it's a symptom of something more serious.. (Bi Polar or Schizophrenia, my two main fears). Now, even though I know that it probably isn't, like you said, I still have subconscious thoughts that make me worry it is. So it's a big cycle as you can see haha. DR makes me worry that it's something more than Anxiety, and because that, it causes more Anxiety which raises my DR and makes me feel pretty damn low in the dumps. I really just need to start thinking more positively on all of this. I haven't gone insane yet after 9ish months so I think I'm in the clear
. I am going through something very similar to the man who posted this thread. I am constantly over-thinking about negative things at times i feel llike death and gloomy, an when I say that iItruly mean it but I know that it is all down to anxiety and tension because there will be times when I will not be caught up in destruction of my thinking. My thinking patterns are negative as of course which is why I am here, and trying to seek out answers from like-minded people who have been in similar situations to myself but have felt the joy of recovery from anxiety at whatever level it may be. I I believe my anxiety is parring with moderate but has been severe in last 6 months so Ihave got a loot better but I would do anything to be rid of it forever and put it behind me for good. When it all started nothing was happening in my life (not enough stress) after months of lying around dolling about thinking the worst and that I was a no good nobody one night I had my first panic attack after finishing a very strong cup of coffee at 3 AM. I thought that I was going to die but since learned about it and knew what it was on second account but what I was left with was what most people would call generalised ANXIETY, but I plugged away despite how I was feeling maybe had a few suicidal thoughts along the way (mild depression) I found myself a job to occupy myself but found that while working I still had the anxiety that had troubled me for so long.. I also have the physical symptoms of anxiety and it is like a tornado because they seem to manifest in a million ways and I can't stop them no matter what I do and they change all the time. I like one day I'llhave very bad cchest pains next day it'll be a mixture of aches and pains in muscles and joints to a furious tension headache. It's odd because people tell me to ignore them and treat it as nothing but I don't and I think too much about it and maybe exaggerate how I feel to my parents or whoever, and obviously they have no understanding because they are not me and all they can do is make an educated guess on how it might feel. anyway I won't ramble on forever. I just seeking more solid understanding on what I am doing to myself.. Because it's me who is creating the anxiety and I need to put a stop to it. I think that that the thinking is the main culprit for me but I read about this certain new way of thinking. I being a person with aspergers anyway this new way of thinking. Doesn't even seem possible but what do I know. Sorry Hbrower for butting in on your thread with my problems but your story is similar to myself . Oh and btw I have the same thoughts of developing some serious mental illness like schizophrenia or bi polar disorder. But you can't have schizophrenia and think you have got it I have come to the conclusion the notion is tha yyou are not aware you have it when you have it but it is the anxiety that makes you think you're turning crazy and when you hear stories on news of 20 year old kids who go a massacres spree it creates even more anxiety. It is a very vicious cycle of destruction which is only keeps continuing if you allow me it. I only wish you, I or anybody themselves may stop it and only them, I need help to get it under control.
Oliveroe, don't feel bad at all for posting that in this thread. I'm glad to listen and reply! I completely understand where you're coming from and have had many of the same sensations you have had. I especially understand what you mean by nobody understanding. I have talked to my parents,friends, and girlfriend about this, and they listen, but have no idea what is it like and what we go through everyday. It's very very tough sometimes, but when we get through it, we'll be even tougher looking back. It's also true to try and not give those sensations much attention, because if you do they'll only gain more power which in turn will make it worse. Try your best to just go with the flow of things and not overreact when you have any of those weird sensations occur. Lastly, I definitely understand Anxiety being caused by the shootings. My anxiety completely shot up because I worried if that will end up being me. Fact of the matter is, it wont be and that's just a false belief created by Anxiety and a negative thinking pattern. For now, let's both try to stay positive and be the happiest as possible despite how rough the road may be. It's good to know I'm not the only one out there going through a rough patch. We'll both get through this and I wish you the very best.