Here is my PTSD story...

[itzmebob]

I grew up on the North side of Chicago. At the time, my neighborhood was very crime and gang infested.  I was a good kid in a bad environment. Most of my friends rather than struggle, became part of it all.
I lost a lot of friends to guns, drugs and crime. I recall a lot of fighting.  I recall watching over my shoulder all the time.  Somehow, I was able to avoid addiction to drugs. I was alcoholic, and drank routinely as early as fifth grade.  I wasn't able to escape until I was 23.  I took a job out of state. 

I have since become sober (88') and have raised my own family.
since my mid to late teens, I have dealt with anxiety on a daily basis.
looking back, I believe it was PTSD.  too much violence for too long was difficult.
I don't recall crying much as a youth.  my parents didn't know what I was going through.  they were good parents, drank alcohol some, and did the best they could.

anxiety to me is like hearing very sad news.  that sinking feeling of grief. 
this is what I dealt with.  I couldn't run from it.  One doctor put me on ativan, to which I became addicted to.  I am now on Paxil.  seems to help. 

thanks, I welcome any comments or suggestions.  What works for you?

BOB

[mommy_2_4_babies]

It is hard to accept PTSD my therapist told my that I had this when I was 15 she said it was from being molested, watcing my parents do hard drugs, physical and emotional abuse, and being homeless growing up I hoe that you are able to recieve therapy I know that it is hard to stick wth but just push through

[Justyn]

I grew up on the North side of Chicago. At the time, my neighborhood was very crime and gang infested.  I was a good kid in a bad environment. Most of my friends rather than struggle, became part of it all.
I lost a lot of friends to guns, drugs and crime. I recall a lot of fighting.  I recall watching over my shoulder all the time.  Somehow, I was able to avoid addiction to drugs. I was alcoholic, and drank routinely as early as fifth grade.  I wasn't able to escape until I was 23.  I took a job out of state. 

I have since become sober (88') and have raised my own family.
since my mid to late teens, I have dealt with anxiety on a daily basis.
looking back, I believe it was PTSD.  too much violence for too long was difficult.
I don't recall crying much as a youth.  my parents didn't know what I was going through.  they were good parents, drank alcohol some, and did the best they could.

anxiety to me is like hearing very sad news.  that sinking feeling of grief. 
this is what I dealt with.  I couldn't run from it.  One doctor put me on ativan, to which I became addicted to.  I am now on Paxil.  seems to help. 

thanks, I welcome any comments or suggestions.  What works for you?

BOB

Bob you conquered it.  Didn't let it destroy you and you should be proud you made it.  I'm glad you are here with us.  It still bothers you but think on this you are not a victim of this disease you survived it so far so you won.  Saw my fair share of awfulness.  I saw a classmate hit a bulletin board in a blind rage breaking his wrist and the blood dropped on the floor the teacher got him out of there and they took him to the hospital and I never expected anyone to care about us enough to see that we were in horrible pain and try to help.  I was defiant and headed for trouble but seeing my classmate's blood on the floor and how they took care of him made me think they could love me too.  Yet you should never let where you came from define you it's more important where you are going to.  What you want to do and who you always were.  You aren't a pathetic victim inspite of the fact it haunts you still you conquered that and seem like a winner to me.  You beat the killing floor and came out alive.  In my opinion you made yourself better than what you were given to begin with.  Light a candle for each of them in the church and pray for your friends that's all you can do.  It's time to believe in a higher power to take care of everything you have no control over and stop beating yourself because you were helpless when this happened and you decided to walk away rather than perpetuate the nightmare and decided to do something different.  I believe in you and I think I need your help.  You didn't do any thing and you only did what you needed to for survival and I'm proud if you'd be my friend.  I'll pray that you sleep through the night and find the strength to meet the day and find some way through it.               

[apple]

Ok my life growing up wasnt terifying on the outside the house, mine was on the inside.  I too did what I needed to survive and came out on top.  Once I finally was old enough to get out I was very messed up and stuck with anxiety, panic and depression.  I have been fighting that since.  I am proud you made it.  I hope the meds really help cause I finally found one that helps me now too. 

I think the hardest part is accepting what happened in my life, without wishing it had been different, without wondering what kind of person would I be if it had been different and wanting to change my past...which I havent done completely yet, I am still trying to do this.  The thing that gets me by is knowing I have a good life, a great husband, wonderful kids and a safe place for them to grow up.