Ok guys.... I'm losing control please help

[sagelady1]

As most of you know from my posts, my symptoms have been going on sice June. Started with a few shooting pains down left arm, after working out with weights in AM. Left with an odd feeling in pinkie and ring finger. Not numb just altered sensation to touch. Worried about this for days. Continued to work out. ( had sciatica symptoms for a month or so prior to this) . Little toes strted to go numb . Only when standing. All symptoms, hand and feet go away when lying down. Sciatica pain runs down both buttockes hip and side of thigh. Pain is veriable. But numbness goes back and forth between r & l little toe. Had a lumbar MRI . L5-S1 herniated disc. Had to epideral injestions. And PT currently.

Was diagnosed about 8 years ago with GAD and PTSD. Due to sudden loss of husband. A diagnosis of diabetes in my son soon after. And a diagnosis of Hepatitis C after I had a blood transfusion in 1975. iwas treated for this , and was one of the lucky ones and cured. Because of all these medical issues found with routine blood tests , or as in my husbands case no symptoms at all died of MI while camping. I have a fear of health issues.

Dr's say the hand and sciatica are unrelated. And it will take time for the hand ( ulnar nerve) to heal. It has gotten some what better. But still aches or burns intermittently. The legs and feet though have not improved much with the conservative treatment so far. Having my last epideral Nov. 1st.

I am giving it until then to decide if I have some progressive or terminal disease. I cannot stay in this state of heightened anxiety much longer. Yes I have a therapist. Have tries numerous  SSRi's. With bad side effects. Don't tolerate many drugs well. Currently Xanax is the only thing I tolerate and does seem to help some. But I can't stay on these the rest of my life either.
Was worried about lung cancer, with arm symptoms. Best friend diagnosed with this about the time my symptoms started. . Her only symptom was numb fingers. I Had a chest xray, clear. Also had a friend die of cervical cancer about a month before my symptoms started. So you see the stress related to health issues.

Now my latest fear is MS or HIV from blood transfusion 33 years ago ( only risk factor). Or maybe some connective tissue disease r autoimmune. Have mentioned this to Dr's when I see them for the back symptoms. They still seem unworried. And that I have a herniated disc, proven on MRI, and are treating it as such.

Sorry for the long post. I just can't do this much longer. Hoping the last epidural works. Even back surgery sounds ok to me. At least its fixable, unlike all the diseases going through my mind.

please help,

Sage

[jcp]

Sagelady, may I ask how old you are?  Is it possible some of your symptoms are just your body aging?  I have been down the same MS road as you and had less tests than you.  I finally just let it go.  It sounds like you have had a lot of tests, and all came back as non life threatening.  Try to relax, you can't control everything.  My symptoms of health anxiety started after losing someone I love suddenly too.  I believe this is what is happening to you, it sounds like you have been through a lot of loss.

[sagelady1]

Hi JCP,

I was 49 last week. If this is normal aging process, I will be bed bound by the age of 51 


I do wonder if maybe the losses are the cause of a chronic state of anxiety. But the very real symptoms tell me otherwise.

This isn't living anymore. I'm so very tired.

Sage

[Pan]

I'm sort of in the same situation whereas my symptoms all seem to have started around the time of an unrelated health scare and the death of a childhood friend.  My head tells me it is hardly surprising that I am getting these 'anxiety' symptoms but the symptoms are so real they are scaring the hell out of me and I'm convinving myself that there must be something seriously wrong.

It is a horrendous catch 22 as I know that until I accept it is anxiety I'm not going to turn a corner but as soon as my foot or leg tingles I start to stress again.  Like you say, it isn't living and I just feel like I'm on a helter skelter and have zero control.

[jcp]

Well I am 26 and sometimes I feel like I am 80!  My symptoms started right after my best friend's mom died. I really hadn't been around death before.  I cannot even imagine the losses you have gone through Sagelady.  Do you feel like your therapist is helping at all?  I know what you mean about being tired.  I wake up feeling great, but by the time I get to work I am tired and everything goes downhill from there.  Do you have any hobbies or things you enjoy?  Have you considered dating since the loss of your husband?  Maybe getting out of a normal routine will help you to kick some of the anxiety and then the symptoms will go away.  Once I stopped worrying about MS all the symptoms went away.  I think the same will go for you. I think you are dealing with a ton of PTSD and it is overwhelming.  I wish you the best. 

[sagelady1]

Thanks JCP and PAN. Looking back at my post, I guess I really have had alot of loss and trauma. Until you see it writing, you don't realize the magnitude of it. And really I only listed what I thought were the major stresses. So many more, but my post was long enough. Yes I am dating a WONDERFUL man. We have been together for a couple of years now. That's kind of part of my fear too. I feel so lucky  to have found love twice in my life. And now it may all be taken away by some progressive disease. And that just when I thought things were looking up, here comes doom again.

Any how, thank you so much for listening to my pity party. Hope all is well with everyone. What a wonderful site, with great people who do understand this awful disease we have.

Sage