Do I have Pure O?

[Jono77]

Hello,

My name is Simone, I'm a first time poster here. glad to come across this site:)
I'm 34 and since the age of around 16 I've suffered from chronic depression and anxiety, I've been diagnosed by a few different doctors over the years. My depression seems to be okay right now, I'm taking 3 prozac a day and I've joined a gym where I work out about 4 times a week and it really is helping improve my mood and just overall health.
But, something else I've always seemed to have is a thought that will get stuck in my head when I was in my late teens and early 20s I'd sometimes feel like "what if I hurt someone" or just have very strange disturbing thoughts that would just get stuck in a loop. That seems to have passed over the years but lately I've had thoughts about "why are we here?" "why do we have emotions?" "why are we attracted to other people? why do we work to discover new things when the thing we find has been there all along, why do we look the way we do?, why do I think my nephew is cute would he be cuter if he had extra arms" oh goodness, writing this down I sound like rather crazy. I look online at articles about why we feel emotions and what it is to be human and I feel like they answer my questions, but then the thoughts pop up again "whats the point of conversations, why do we style our hair" and again it's like I'm stuck in a loop, I know logically that I shouldn't obsess over these things, that life is to be enjoyed and being here is an amazing thing etc, but I can't seem to stop this loop going around.
I saw a psychatrist a while back and asked her if I might have OCD but just thoughts and she said "no, you'd be doing something over and over or washing your hands constantly" she suggested I might be bi-polar but I don't think that's right.
I heard about pure O a while ago and it sounded like it fit what I was feeling.
I guess I'm just wondering here if that's maybe what's going on, like I say I have chronic depression and anxiety anyway lol it runs in my family and my mother suffered from it for years but wasn't properly diagnosed, course looking back now it was obvious she had mental health problems.
and I suppose I just want to hear that I'm not crazy :)

Thank you

[Cheesus]

The sad truth is that a lot of psychiatrists are ignorant of the thought side of OCD. I was speaking once with a psychotherapist who said exactly the same thing, and who had diagnosed someone who OBVIOUSLY had OCD with Borderline Personality Disorder (he told me about this person in an abstract way and did not use any names etc.)

Whether you have OCD or not is uncertain. It would not be for me or anyone else on an internet forum to decide. If you feel you need to know, you ought to see a knowledgable psychiatrist. If you go to the OCD UK website they actually have a print off about pure-o that you can give to your psych if they are in the dark about pure-o - so if you don't want to change psychiatrist, it might be useful to present them with this information. I imagine they will probably be appreciative.

As for the thoughts themselves, I particularly liked the one 'would he be cuter if he had extra arms'  made me giggle. 'Crazy thoughts' are a symptom of a mind that his been driven into the ground with stress and worry. Nothing else. I have extensive experience of these types of thoughts: 'what ifs I think this' or 'maybe that could be linked to that'. If I saw something in one place and then saw something similar elsewhere, I would think 'what if they are linked. Obviously they're not. But what if they are?' I was trying to question the solidity of knowledge that needn't have been questioned.

You need to calm down. The thoughts will stick around for a while, however a thought is just a thought. It is not problematic in and of itself. It is only your reaction to the thought that is problematic. We are just people with the gift of extensively abstract imaginations made bad through improper reactions.

Moreover, I think a lot of your questions were particularly valid. People who want to explore the world around them and have an inquisitive mind do not need psychiatric help, instead they deserve respect and admiration.

I suggest you either try to educate your psych or find a new one. 

[Jono77]

Thank you Cheesus, your reply made a lot of sense :)
I suppose a big problem is the thoughts distract me, I know my memory suffers because of them, I'll make an appointment to do something and then I completely forget about it. and it makes it hard to focus sometimes.
I've always had quite an abstract imagination, I think it frustrates people sometimes because they'll tell me about something that's annoyed them and I'll be like "well yes, but maybe the other person was feeling this way...." I often think of things from both sides which is frustrating sometimes, I sometimes wish I could just think something is black and white rather then seeing the grey all the time lol, quirky is a word that's often used to describe me! (I'm a big sci-fi fan too lol)
it's just hard finding the off switch for these thoughts, letting them pass through my mind and just getting on with things. when I'm feeling okay I can do that, but times like this the thoughts just snowball and instead of making sense, life and people can seem alien almost, if that makes any sense?!

[Cheesus]

If only more people had such a gift to see the world in such a balanced light. I do exactly the same thing as you: my mum hung a bird-feeder out last winter and I said 'I feel bad for the mice'.

As I say, when you adjust your reaction to the thought, it becomes nothing more or less important than the one that preceded it and the one that will follow it. The thoughts are more frequent due to your fear of them, the stress hormones in the body (that increase electrical activity in the brain and, thus, thought generation, and down-tune the rationalising prefrontal cortex), and your heightened sensitivity to them.

You need to work on letting this stuff flow in and out. I know its difficult. Trust me, I'm not telling you this is easy. I have exact experience of what you are going through. But it is certainly achievable if you set your mind to it. You can achieve a much greater level of wellbeing. You just need to let it flow. The mind is fluid - do not attempt to force it into a certain shape.

[Jono77]

I will give it a try, letting the thoughts flow. I liked your description of thoughts being fluid. I suppose I'll always have thoughts tickling at the back of my brain wanting to be pushed forward, I just have to have some control on just how important they really need to be.

[GASF]

Thank you Simone - it is nice to know I am not the only one!!!!!!!!  Here are some samples of some of my "favourite" thoughts:

"Why do we think dogs are cute?"
"Why do I find a forest so beautiful"?
"Is there any point to our existence"?
"Why do I do the things I do?  Is it just brain chemistry or is there actually a 'me' in there deciding?"
"Why do we get so worried about mundane things?"
"Why is society organized this way?"

and so on and so forth................

I can go days or weeks at a time without ruminating about these things but then at other times they distract me like you mentioned.  At worst, they make me feel depressed.  I really enjoy life.  Sometimes I get down when I consider how small and insignificant I am in the grand scheme of the universe.  Then I find it hard to enjoy things because I figure......"what's the point of it all".  For example, I love sports, and I get so wrapped up in my team etc but when I feel this way I lose that passion.  I don't want to lose that passion, I almost wish I could get so wrapped up in my little world and never think of these "big" questions.

I also get the scary anxiety provoking "what if I did this?"  I really hate those.

I am very educated about these things.  I know they are just thoughts and not rational and I know I would never act on them but they still bug me sometimes.  I get angry because I feel I am wasting my relative youth and good health by stressing over these things.  I just want to enjoy life!

My mind is a gift and a curse.  I have always had a great imagination and like you I see things from many perspectives.  I value being a critical thinker, but sometimes I think it goes too far and goes to cynicism.

It feels better to know I am not the only "crazy" one.  We're not crazy by the way, but sometimes it helps to laugh at yourself :)

[Emz]

Thank you Cheesus, your reply made a lot of sense :)
I suppose a big problem is the thoughts distract me, I know my memory suffers because of them, I'll make an appointment to do something and then I completely forget about it. and it makes it hard to focus sometimes.
I've always had quite an abstract imagination, I think it frustrates people sometimes because they'll tell me about something that's annoyed them and I'll be like "well yes, but maybe the other person was feeling this way...." I often think of things from both sides which is frustrating sometimes, I sometimes wish I could just think something is black and white rather then seeing the grey all the time lol, quirky is a word that's often used to describe me! (I'm a big sci-fi fan too lol)
it's just hard finding the off switch for these thoughts, letting them pass through my mind and just getting on with things. when I'm feeling okay I can do that, but times like this the thoughts just snowball and instead of making sense, life and people can seem alien almost, if that makes any sense?!

I have the same thing. It is Pure O, or an obsessive disorder or whatever you want to call it. You just have to not dwell on the thoughts. Let them be, and not let them scare you. Hard i know!! Don't try and work them out lol.

[FGP]

Wanna say thank you to Cheesus and everyone else that posted here. I have desynchronized thoughts too, and i got diagnosed Pure O. They seem like voices to me, because they seem to come from nowhere. I am thinking about something else, and then an insult pops on my mind. Like your discusting, horrible, etc.  Non insultive thoughts come up to my mind too, like for example, "you are gonna suffer so much" or "your mom is dying".  And yes, then i start to worry alot on the why that has happend. Its a very very lonelly condition. I try to live my life normally, i gave up on taking antidepressives because i was having problems with my memory already and the lack of libido. I just try to go on, i dont see a doctor anymore either. I have had this for 8 years. My first diagnose was scrupolosity , cos,  i  thought,  i was hearing that i was going to hell ( this cos i wasnt baptized until i was 23, after those thoughts happend and was talking with a   muslim person at the time that wanted to convert me).
Its so f.... exausting.  I also get a huge urge of insulting God or people that im afraid of loosing, and sometimes i do mentally. Is a neverending f....cycle sometimes. I need , i really do need to talk to someone that has the same problem. I sometimes think im schizo cos when i talk about this with other pure O suffers and ask if they " hear voices " they say no....Im aware that is my thoughts. I am not aware that this insultive thoughts are mine, most of the time. I understand they can come from my subconscience, but when it happends i wonder if it can be something else, besides me.  English is my second language.

[Pippy187]

Cheers all!

Like many of you I have found myself stuck in loops of thoughts... intrusive thoughts, thoughts of harm, self harm and just outright odd / freaky thoughts!!! They are down right scary and uncomfortable and caused me to feel tons of guilt and felt like I was going crazy... We're not alone with these thoughts.   I currently go to therapy x 1 a week and practice CBT / Exposure... this seems to decatastrphize (sp) the thoughts a bit.  I tend to journal a lot... I write down a thought, then how it makes me  feel and keep it rolling... this tends  to lessen the thoughts further.  I do a lot of distraction, I exercise, eat well most the  time, play  video games, read, write and overall I know that humans have weird thoughts!  I'm currently reading a book called Imp of the Mind. It's about people and their intrusive thoughts... Written by Lee Baer.