Does this sound like depression?

[caliguy]

I get these "bouts" lasting anywhere from a week to a month and during these periods I totally lose interest in anything and basically feel like life itself is pointless and anything I do will just be a wasted effort because "someday I'll be dead anyway". I have a real problem with being negative, bitter, cynical and always looking for the worst in people. I get to the point sometimes where I'll sit around all day just hating other people and manufacturing all kinds of things in my mind that never happened or think about things that happened months or decades ago and seeth over them until I'm about ready to blow.

I constantly imagine various scenarios in which horrible things are happening (animals or childen being abused, someone in a car accident, animals in the slaughterhouse, etc) and what makes it really bad for me is that I know these things ARE actually going on at any given moment somewhere on the planet. It's like the weight of these things is on my shoulder every single day and I feel powerless to do anything about them and yet these things MUST be stopped. Grrrrrrr, it drives me C-R-A-Z-Y!!.

I also find that I am always analyzing what people say (orally, over the phone, email, etc) and at first, it won't be a big deal at all but then (like with an email or something) I have to keep reading it over and over again (maybe 5-10 times) so I can make sure I did'nt miss any "important details" the last umpteen times I read it. Heck, I might spend days doing this until I finally wear myself out. I was told as a kid that I was always very defensive so maybe I'm just looking for "accusations" other people are making against me in case I need to "defend" them.

Then, I have this thing where it's like I'm constantly looking for the "next big thing" to keep my mind occupied and so that I don't get bored but when I finally find "it" and it is'nt all it was cracked up to be, I suddenly hit a big low and stay depressed for weeks. Does any of this make sense (probably not). Well, feel free to hop right in here and give your opinions please...

[Tom]

I am not kidding... I found my twin! I feel the same way as you do Caliguy.  Yes, it is depression because I told my doc all those symptoms and she said I had depression.  Yes, it is strange, I always find somthing to hate about a person, I can always see how filthy man kind is towards nature and so on and so forth.  You are not alone Caliguy...

[Tom]

Oh, and I always repeat somthing someone has said OVER AND OVER in my head.  I don't know why, I just do. 

[caliguy]

Hey Tom -

It's nice to know that I'm not alone. I have since been told that I might have anti-social personality disorder (and some other things I don't even remember the names of). Your right. Some people are not very nice and difficult to deal with but I would like to be able to find at least one or two good things in everybody ithough. The next step for me is getting an official diagnosis and getting treated. Many thanks for letting me know that I'm not alone :)

[rara]

You are not decribing a dislike against people which i would interpret as an anti social disorder or a problem with one or many persons, but of course i dont know anything about that or depression.
About that defensive thing, i just have to say that every kid is defensive wether it is: "did you spill that milk", "no, youre mean" even though the child is did, or " No, why would you ask me such a question, is it perhaps because you spilled it".."You never ask her"...and so on (and in the future every little child has for an example OCD so dont read too much in to things). I think you should contemplate both reply and the persons seriousness in his/her reply and I also think you should join a peace organisation. Maybe you are a really good person and should just accept the fact that you can not help everyone. 

[pauly]

It sounds in many ways very much like what I've been suffering from. Overanalysis of things. Trying to read extra meaning in to simple messages. Losing all interest in life. It's what Buzz Aldrin (himself a depression sufferer) once described as 'just stewing' around.' You hate the way you're acting, but it's so  much hassle to do anything else you carry on with it anyway. You know it's a negative way to be, and you hate yourself for being like it, but you keep doing it anyway.
I'm undergoing CBT with a therapist at the moment and it is slowly helping. Try to get a clear diagnosis, and if you feel you can confide in one or two good friends . Talk to them when you get in the bad place. Let them try to help lift you out of it.

Pauly