I'm a little late to this party...but I typed in NPD and this came up. THANK YOU for posting this. My mother and your mother seem like they'd get along really well. I"m recently engaged and every good and fun moment has been turned into a fight about how selfish and thoughtless I am. I feel like the ultimate disappointment sometimes, but have to (constantly) remind myself that it's NOT me, it's HER. I posted a new tale of woe today in GAD, but to sum it up...my fiance proposed in September (I said yes, obviously)...and now, I wanted to get her a ring to match my beautiful one. I went by myself to pick the ring, not thinking (I was told this is my problem, I only think about myself) that anyone would be anything but excited about the purchase. Considering we're already engaged, the purchase, while significant, does not hold the same weight as the initial proposal (at least not in my mind). Needless to say, she was "hurt" that I didn't include her and told her after the fact. I'm always trying to new ways to handle my mother, but she always sneaks around them. I'm very close with my mom and I love her so so so much, but I just don't get the way she sees things.
You're probably already a proud parent, or close to it! Either way, congratulations and stay strong! Now is your chance to do things your OWN way. My major goal in life is to extract everything I love about my mother, throw out the narcissism, and become a different type of parent.