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Author Topic: Help me with this fear, please?  (Read 811 times)

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Offline ChrissySunshine

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Re: Help me with this fear, please?
« Reply #10 on: March 21, 2012, 02:30:22 PM »
Me too. haha. "The what if disease." I've actually used that before. Thats the conclusion I've come to as well. Isn't it also called "absolute O?"
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Offline e77

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Re: Help me with this fear, please?
« Reply #11 on: March 21, 2012, 05:48:10 PM »
If I could change anything in my past it would have been to not have used street drugs.  I smoked pot and hash hundreds of times when I was in my early 20's and it screwed me up.  God only knows what I dosed myself with as it never came from a pharmacy but from the street.  There are some of us with anxiety disorder who are especially sensitive to brain drugs, and pot is one of them, that can make anxiety worse and even cause psychotic type of symptoms.  I'm one of them.   It made my anxiety worse, like pouring gasoline on a fire. I wonder if the same type of thing may happen to you when you smoke or take pot. Acid and shrooms can definitely bring on hallucinations and distorted thinking.  Take care of yourself and stay away from the psychoactive street drugs. Who knows what chemicals are in the drugs and what it can do to you.  A fellow anxiety sufferer who learned the hard way.
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Offline ChrissySunshine

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Re: Help me with this fear, please?
« Reply #12 on: March 21, 2012, 06:12:01 PM »
I stopped doing hallucinagens about a year ago. I grew out of it. I was still really good friends with marijuana for a while. The first time I recovered I smoked. But, like you said, it makes me worse. So, ive stopped.
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Offline nowhereboy

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Re: Help me with this fear, please?
« Reply #13 on: March 21, 2012, 06:31:33 PM »
Look up "pure-o" it might aswell be called shiz-ocd. I get it pretty bad.........
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Offline ChrissySunshine

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Re: Help me with this fear, please?
« Reply #14 on: March 21, 2012, 07:55:41 PM »
thank you, thank you, thank you. I found an article on it and read it. It's exactly me. To a T. I was sooo excited I made my boyfriend read it. And then I hopped around the house like, whew! Im not scitzophrenic! Pure O!  It even sounds kinda cool. Not that its cool... But Im happy now. According to my reading if keep on with CBT, I'll be better in no time. Thank you nowhereboy! I'm freeeeeeeee. Haha.
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Offline ChrissySunshine

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Re: Help me with this fear, please?
« Reply #15 on: March 23, 2012, 12:35:53 PM »
WOO! Two days no sweaty hands!
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Offline nowhereboy

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Re: Help me with this fear, please?
« Reply #16 on: March 24, 2012, 02:19:08 PM »
 :happy0151:
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Offline justgirl

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Re: Help me with this fear, please?
« Reply #17 on: April 27, 2014, 08:16:59 PM »
hey guys, sorry for the bump I know this is an old post, hopefully you're still on the site! I think you just made a massive leap for me in the way of progress. Had a bit of a mental breakdown two days ago, couldn't stomach my thoughts anymore so I punched the hell out of my bed, floor, anything to get the tension out, was in hysterics. Few days earlier my partner of three years and I called for a time out from each other, and somehow my family got involved and it got horrible. Everyone reacted awfully. I wanted to run away, anything to get rid of the terror I felt inside. One of the main reasons we split is because I have had awful intrusive thoughts for months now. They've been worsening and I can't believe I would think some of the things I think. I have even heard someone inside my head telling me to act these thoughts out, and another telling me not to and why I should stay stronge. I believe I have developed a defense mechanism and also managed to give my obsessive trait a voice because it's only since I started having such bad thoughts that I could hear it. I feel like my mind sometimes eggs me on to become worse. It's so ridiculously suggestable, seriously if you mention something bad once, it decides I am capable or will do it. Schizophrenia is the scariest thought ever for me, even to the point I have started to try convincing myself 'hell if I am then I can get sectioned, get help, it's not the worst thing so long as I just don't act on that thought to go stab everyone and myself'. For the last few days I've considered calling emergency services/ going to hospital and asking to be sectioned because I feel like I am so close to losing control. I only became scared of being schizophrenic because I met my partner's friend who is schizophrenic and I had a weird night with him, so I felt uncomfortable ever since. I've had some stresses recently, mostly living with my partner in extremely close proximity (seriously a 2 room flat) in a new city with no friends doing a job I don't like and being hundreds of miles from home. I think I've just lost it a little. Thoughts have escalated, and because I've had no relief from myself and tension has built up between my partner and I, I've just cracked and hit a really bad patch. My brain has accepted that I am developing serious mental conditions. I'm frightened because some symptoms of my panic I have gotten used to, like the hot flashes, tingling, pressure in my head, and I don't get very freaked out by them anymore, I'm not sure if it means I'm handling them better, or if I am actually going mad because they don't scare me quite so much.

This link to pure O has really helped. I just cried as I read it as I realised I feel just like this. I decided to tell people recently about what I actually think, my obsessions, knowing it may scare people off, and I told them about the voices. I just couldn't cope with it in my head on my own anymore, it's not living, it's barely existing. It helped a little to get it off my chest and hopefully these people will support me whilst I go to CBT (had one session, many to go), I just wish it was all so much more widely understood and explained so it didn't take so long for me to hear about it and realise I am not alone.

One line in that PDF said something like 'if you're going through all of this and managing to live a normal daily life then you're a much stronger person than you probably give yourself credit for'. That made me feel like there's reason to try.
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