Help! I hate antidepressants!

[Ambitiousandoverwhelmed]

So I have really bad panic attacks. My doctor has prescribed me clonazepam but refuses to give me any more than 30 .5 mg and is really pushing antidepressants on me. I've been on antidepressants before and they really messed with my head. While I was on them I was hospitalized twice. First time for cutting, second time for taking my whole prescription of Xanax in hopes that I just wouldn't wake up. That was three years ago. I have NOT had suicidal thoughts or felt legitimately depressed since I began refusing to take antidepressants.
I started college again and was getting really sick after I ate. My legs and arms would tingle, I got hot flashes, got dizzy and felt really nauseous. I would get so mad that I felt this badly at school and always ended up in the bathroom crying out of frustration. Since my doctor put me on the clonazepam I've been able to hold down my food but still I feel edgy. I understand that bc of my past doctors are going to be weary about me being on benzos. But I know antidepressants will make it worse and I wouldn't have done what I did if I wasn't on them. I've never abused my medication and only take it while I'm at school. If I feel sick at home I just lie down until it passes. I'm getting straight A's and it's frustrating to think I can't get the help I know I need. I just want to make it through my eleven hour school days. I know my anxiety is the only thing getting in my way of feeling like a professional capable human being. I'm sick of doctors thinking anti depressants are the answer when I know it isn't.

[carolinalight]

This is a very delicate situation as I'm sure you know.  There are many different kinds of antidepressants, and they don't all agree with everyone.  I'm guessing your doctor already knows what kind you were taking when you had your episode, and probably wants you to try another kind.   

Some people have terrible reactions to certain medications.  I had a severe allergic reaction to an antibiotic several years ago and had to be taken to the hospital, where I lost consciousness and had to be injected with something quickly.  It was very frightening, but it was only that class of antibiotic.  Since then when I have an infection, rather than being terrified of all antibiotics, I take another class of them that I can tolerate, and I get better.

Just a thought.