just had to vent.

[Viki]

Why do I care so much about judgement?
Why do I take being called a hhypocondriac so offencively?
Hypocondria is an anxiety disorder and it doesn't make you a bad person because you have it.
Maybe I get so upset because I don't have it and I can't stand people pretending they are doctors and know every thing wrong with me based off a few symptoms. I have GAD. I have agraphobia. I have issues eating. Why can't people be more excepting to the truth? Again why do I even care.
This upsets me so much that I pretty much wwant to avoid family functions.
I honestly feel so frustrated with myself. Thhere is one part of me that jjust says stop the intrusive thoughts, eat more them a salad and a yogurt a day, drive a car. Then Ii just feel so frustrated and let down because I ended up puking or passing out so I didn't even end up accomplishing what I should just normally be able to do. I just feel like I don't understand it even when I live it everyday.
I pretty much feel like I am one step to rock bottom and that step would be to go baack to the drugs. I have a perscription, my husband just won't let me fill it. I am very happy for that as I find sometimes that is all I want and can focus on. Tomorrow I am going to get my stuff together and apply for treatment. I found an amazing faciliity right by the ocean. This could be the start of a new aand better life.

[Ravens Lady]

Hi Viki,

We all need to vent sometimes.

I'm really happy that you are taking some initiative and looking into treatment options for yourself.  You may very well be on the right track and better days may be right around the corner. 

Personally, I don't like the term "hypochondria" even though its a valid description, but I prefer the term, "health anxiety".  Others may not always understand some of the issues you encounter, but don't worry about them.  What is important is that you recognize that there are some things that you want to improve and change in yourself.  At the end of the process you will have a fuller understanding of yourself, your body, your mind, and your health, and you may end up having wisdom about life that even those people that you are surrounded by lack. 

Anyway, I wish you success in your endeavors.  Please keep us updated on how things go.  :)

-Ravens Lady

[Viki]

Thanks.

I agree with the hypochondria/healthy anxiety thing. I think many people are very uneducated when it comes to anxiety disorders more so health anxiety.

You are right it shouldn't matter what people think. I guess being judged in a negative way by family is just extremely frustrating. I am going to have to tell them that if they can't be apart of my struggle then not to expect to be apart of my success. :)