Worried about starting medication again (fluoxetine and amitriptyline)

[rosemarysbaby]

I posted this at another anxiety board but I haven't had any replies yet.

I've had problems with anxiety (panic attacks, general anxiety, agoraphobia) for most of my life. I'm in my early 20s. As you can probably guess due to agoraphobia, I spend 99% of my time at home. I'm not terribly anxious at home but I have lots of bizarre little phobias and worries that bother me every day. When I go out, I get very anxious, shaky, derealization sometimes happens, and occasionally panic attacks.
I was on fluoxetine and amitriptyline for four years but went off meds almost two years ago. Though I'm not as anxious as I used to be (it was really, really bad) I still have problems.

My doctor just re-prescribed those meds again and Xanax when needed. The Xanax is a replacement for lorazepam, which made me feel weird for too many hours.

The doses are half the size than they used to be (20 mg instead of 40, 10 mg instead of 20 or 25). I didn't have any problems with them but I have a hard time remembering things from back then. My doctor said that was most likely due to being anxious all the time.

So, since I can't remember that much, I'm scared that my personality will change... yet I'm not exactly sure how it would change. Another worry that we talked about is the warnings of "may cause depression and suicidal thoughts." I'm not depressed or suicidal but those warnings still freak me out. What if I gain a bunch of weight from the amitriptyline?

What should I do about my other concerns? Would my personality change at all?

(edit: I also take atenolol for heart palpitations)

[coeus]

Hi rosemarysbaby,

Your concerns about restarting medication are perfectly reasonable. There are possibly clinical studies that may show that antidepressants may influence personality in the short- and/or long- term. However, there is also the possibility that personality changes may not occur at all while people are on antidepressants. Generally speaking, antidepressants tend to not have permanent effects on personality; temperament and character remain intact and antidepressants, over the long-run, could even improve cognitive function which may reflect in improvements in personality.

The advice your doctor gave you is quite accurate. Heightened levels of anxiety can cause memory difficulties - it makes intuitive sense, we're always focusing on our anxiety, anxiety and more anxiety and forget everything else that really matters!

One of things I would like to emphasise to you to hopefully reassure you that your personality shouldn't change is that much of our personality is ingrained and very difficult to change. Even if our personalities are malleable, it requires a large amount of time for it to change. There is always a possibility that medication can change our personalities but we are, for the most part, in control of our experiences and our personalities.

If you're still concerned about these matters, I would recommend seeing a therapist who can properly address the issues you currently have. They are qualified to give you a professional opinion on medication and personality changes.

I hope this helps!