Help!! I'm in a committed relationship but I have a crush on someone else?

[GallRall]

I'm really scared... I've had a crush on this guy since last year. I have a boyfriend now, and I don't intend on leaving him for my crush, but I just feel so guilty... What do I do? Can someone give me some reassurance and advice?

[GallRall]

I'm freaking out!

[AchromaticRainbow]

First of all, this is completely normal!  It's human nature to develop crushes, even when we're in relationships.  It's okay. 

Maybe it would be wise to try and put some distance between yourself and this other guy?  And when you think romantic thoughts about him, tell yourself no or something along those lines and try to think about something else.

[crystalmommy]

Hi!

If you are in a committed relationship you need to ask yourself why you are having these feelings for someone other than the one you are with. Are there probs in the relationship you need to work out? Are there underlying issues?

Or did you allow yourself to get too close to someone outside of the relationship?

I think it is very important to guard ourselves from temptations outside of our relationship. I am married, so I speak like this from that viewpoint. It is easy for us to be attracted to another person but that attraction needs to stop at face value when you are in a commitment. Spending more time with the crush and getting more involved in their life will only make things worse. Love is a verb. It is not a feeling, it takes commitment, energy and time. A crush can exist out of a mere feeling, a fleeting one even. But when you LOVE someone you stick it out, you make it work, you put your all into it.

Hope this helps:)

[GallRall]

Thanks for the replies guys. There aren't really ANY underlying issues with my boyfriend. In comparison to the two, I would say that my crush is more funnier than my bf and  a bit more attractive. I just freak out so much.. I have a class with my crush. In the morning I wonder what I should wear or how I should do my make up, and then I think about if my crush would appreciate the way I look if I look like this or look like that. I don't like thinking like this, I feel so guilty. When I try to distance myself, sometimes I freak out and wonder what if we're meant to be. I value my boyfriend more than my crush but in my head I psych myself out and think that I'm lying to myself, because I have been in denial for months when I was with my ex boyfriend.

[AchromaticRainbow]

I totally get where you're coming from.  Maybe think of it like this: if you're meant to be together, fate or God or whatever higher power you may believe in will put him in your life again if your current relationship doesn't work out.  But you don't need to test that theory - you've got a great boyfriend, and you want to let that run its course.

[rayandrae]

Well I adore my husband, but I have developed a crush or two. It has more to do with me than the other person. Maybe I am wishing life was more fun, or less stressful, or just simply wishing to connect and finding it hard with a busy life. Someone comes along and "wow". It passes. If you get stressed or pay it more mind ... it'll cause anxiety. Its like anything else we stress about ... just feel and let it pass.

Rae

[GallRall]

Again thank you guys for the reply. Well I feel better about it now, I had to come face to face instead of avoid it. Only thing is now I am having doubts about my relationship.. We see each other once or twice a week, but I will be with him today. I know that we are in love each other, but I can't help being scared sometimes. I guess this week is just a really bad week, since my period is due within a week and a half.