Grad school causing panic

[zot]

Hi everyone,

I just recently entered grad school after being out of school and in the work force for 6 years.  Coming back has been quite a shock to the brain.  I'm currently in a class that is just going over my head and is causing massive amounts of panic.  When I run into a problem (or many problems) that I don't know where to start, I just instantly go into panic mode and shut down.  I start thinking about how I'm going to fail, how my life will be ruined because my GPA will go to crap, how there's no way out, etc.  Obviously I can't make it through school like this.  I'm going to see a psychologist soon (I've been without one since I moved to go to school), but in the meantime, does anyone have any tips to help cope with these feelings?  I feel like if I could just turn off my emotions, I could try to work through these homework problems, but as it is, I spend 10 minutes looking at it and have to stop because I feel like I'm going to die.

[KBizz]

I absolutely understand!  I've had problems with anxiety and panic attacks for years off and on.  I had been through a good 3 or 4 years with very, very few symptoms (it was amazing!  It gives me hope that I will be back to that state again someday!), but when I started grad school a year and a half ago, that all changed.  I became so overwhelmed with the new schedule, new school, new city, that I had extremely high anxiety.  Anyway, I handled it ALL wrong-- I pretty much started drinking the anxiety away and have overall made it so much worse.  Please don't go down that road!

I'm glad to hear you've already set up an appointment with a psychologist.  I'm looking for a new one myself.  I personally had a lot of luck with some group therapy sessions with others about my own age going through some similar issues.  You may want to look into something like that in your area if that sounds useful to you.  As for things I do on my own to help my concentration and ease my mind, I find some meditative practices helpful.  I use binaural beats and some guided imagery exercises.  I go onto youtube and type in "binaural beats anxiety" or "guided imagery anxiety" and have found some nice calming things there.  Just take ten or so minutes and focus your mind on what you are hearing-- this helps me kind of get out of my own head and get back to reality a little bit.  I have also had a lot of luck with progressive muscle relaxation.  The one I use is by Brenda Saucedo, you can find it on Itunes to download for like $5.  So worth it, her technique of relaxing the muscles, thereby relaxing your mind can be really, really helpful sometimes!! 

Otherwise, taking a time out when you get frustrated and going for a walk or getting some kind of exercise can be good.  Sometimes I find I just need to allow myself to be distracted for awhile and walk it out.  Journaling has been good for me too.  When I get overwhelmed with panic, I run to my journal and write out every possible negative thought I'm having.  It is cathartic for me and helps me to feel as though I'm getting some of that out of my body and into something else.  From there, you can see where you are having irrational thoughts and can then write out more rational responses to them or positive affirmations (similar to a more structured "Thought Record" exercise that they give you in therapy a lot of times.  You can google that and find writing exercises if you like that idea as well).  I drink a lot of calming teas (I love Sleepytime Vanilla!), which is sometimes effective.  Some people take Valerian Root (the plant that they get Valium from).  I haven't taken it lately, but I just bought a bottle to try again.  In the past, I have taken it for sleep and have had mixed results, but I haven't taken it for anxiety specifically. 

Anyway, I hope these suggestions help you!  It has been a rough road for me, but if I had just started out using these techniques from the get go, I would be SO much better off right now.  Stay strong!!

[zot]

It's good to know there's someone else like me!  I was the same.  Things were getting good for a while.  My life was steady, I was taking less meds than ever before.  And then I decided to go to grad school, which turned my life upside down.  At first, I actually did start drinking, but I quickly realized that was a bad idea. 

I'll look into some group sessions, that's a good idea.  I try using calming techniques I learned during my previous therapy before I moved for school, and those work sometimes, but when the panic gets too bad, it just doesn't cut it.  I'll try those ones you suggested.

That journaling idea is great!  I hadn't considered that.  It often feels like all these irrational thoughts are stuck in my head repeating on a loop.  I know they are irrational, and that I'm not going to fail and I'm not a failure and I am a smart person, but I just can't make myself believe it when these thoughts are so loud and persistent. 

I've tried L-Theanine with some success in the past.  But again, when the panic gets so bad, it just doesn't cut it and I have to take Klonopin.  I hate taking meds, but sometimes that's just what's needed to break the panic.

Are you currently in therapy?  If so, what type of therapy has been most successful for you?  My previous therapist used sensorimotor techniques like Hakomi, where you just focus on the sensations in your body and see where they go, and then push them out when they are ready to leave your body.  That seemed to help me much more than other cognitive therapies, like just talking it out.

Thanks again for the advice!

[stevo1111]

I've been in an ultra competitive grad program for the last 3 years. I completely understand how you feel. I would totally live through my work and if I wasn't the best I would lose control of my anxiety. If I wasn't working my hardest at all times and burning myself out I wasn't at peace with myself. I changed my thought patterns, met a wonderful girl, who I'm now engaged to, and took time to figure myself out. Because I was concentrating on myself and my feelings and emotions I went into a downward spiral. I didn't know myself because I was nothing out side of school, and that brought out a time of panic for me. During this time I was also 2 years into Grad school with no publications and I felt like a total failure.

I retooled myself and redefined myself. I stopped smoking, I stopped taking sedatives and drinking 3-4 nights a week. I take 1-2hrs a day now to run, lift weights or meditate. It's the only time of my day that my mind is not racing full of thoughts. I'm still struggling with the thoughts but I'm finding you can center them to bring creativity into your work and life if you keep moving past the negative and go with the positive! I'm not just talking out of my *ss like some hippie or something, it made a world of a difference. I'm a scientist so whenever I do something I study it so extensively.

What the two others who responded enforced is that you need to target the anxiety, realize what is owning your mind and take it back. Far to often the underlying issue is left unaddressed by piling on scripts. They do help, they helped me to forget the feeling of panic, but they won't solve your underlying issues.

When you find yourself getting panicky over your work, go outside, breathe, Valerian is great. Sleepytime extra tea from Celestial Seasonings has a nice small dose of valerian. For me, it works almost as effective as Xanax. It is also great for inducing sleep when you can't calm yourself down at night. It is by far the best supplement I can recommend and you can find it anywhere.

Best of luck, hang in there and work with your peers, family and dr's to get through this and you will feel great after you're over the hump.

[NightMare77]

I completely understand!  I'm currently in grad school (MBA with a concentration in Healthcare - graduating in May of this year), and had my first panic attack about 5 months ago.  I also work full time.  I believe my anxiety/panic was set off by getting my first B in the program.   Before this, I had a straight A average and was shooting for Summa Cum Laud.   The class that I earned the B in was Finance.   The funny thing is, when I was an undergrad, earning my Associates Degree, a B would have been heaven!  Something changed in me that only an A was acceptable in grad school.   That stupid B really put me in to a tailspin, and triggered my anxiety.   Now, on the brink of my graduation, I've learned to accept that Bs are still good grades and no prospective employer or my current employer is going to ask me what my grade was in a specific class.  The degree that will be hanging on my wall will still be a Master's Degree.   

I'm a perfectionist, as you can tell, so this was a very hard thing for me to accept.  But, something that's helped me get through all of this is the following:

1. I am in a graduate program.  It's tough and not everyone does it. 
2. I am so blessed to have this opportunity, so I need to enjoy it instead of letting it weigh me down.
3. When I am done and have my degree, I will have a level of education that most of the country does not have.
4. I can do this.  I'm smart and can learn.
5. Bs are acceptable grades and are still above average.
6. My favorite mantra is "Pass = MBA."

So, my fellow grad school student, you are not alone.  This is tough, but we CAN do it...even stupid old anxiety will not bring us down and get in the way of our dreams and success!  :)

[markidee]

Wow--I'm about to enter grad school. "The Courage to Be," is something I've been thinking about as a thinker, scholar, and writer. I think you're describing shell-shock or cultural shock--it is terrifying. It makes addition difficult.

The thing is to go through it. GPA and all that stuff will take care of itself.

Do stay in touch,
m

[HelpImAlive]

Sometimes it's a simple as reminding yourself that you will be okay, and that you belong in grad school because you are very smart and capable!

I've been running into the same problems with anxiety and a new college. I'm currently doing therapy and my doctor repeatedly tells me that it's confidence related and that I will be okay, regardless of whether or not I'm confident about it. But, if you can find the confidence you deserve then it makes things less unhappy :)

[zot]

Hi all,

It definitely is confidence related.  And I think I do suffer from the perfectionism the previous poster was describing.  I feel like I have to fully understand every single detail and derivation in every class or I'm going to fail.  I really don't remember being like that in my undergrad.  I think being outside school for a while, and in a job where things were pretty easy, I got used to doing things perfectly and not having to use much effort to do so.  Now, I have to use all my effort to make it through.  Though, until this point, my grades have been excellent, so judging by the evidence, I should have tons of confidence.  But when something comes up in class that I don't have a good foundation on and I don't really understand, I get super anxious and feel like I can't do it.  So I just have to remember that I'm smart, I can do this, I am capable of learning and doing well, and I'm not the only one in this boat.  I'm also trying to use all the tools at my disposal.  I formed a study group in my hardest class and that has helped immensely.  It helps me remember that other people struggle with this extremely difficult material as well.  I'm going to office hours when I need help and trying to study up on the gaps I think I have in my knowledge.  I have to remember that I'm aiming to get my masters in one of the hardest fields out there (aerospace engineering), and it's not supposed to be a cake walk, I guess. 

So, I'm just trying to keep as calm as I can, take Klonopin if I start getting panicky and not feel bad about taking it (I usually try to avoid it if at all possible) and just keep my head down until I make it through. 

Thanks everyone for your words of support!