Don't want to go on

[bluesky123]

I've been suffering from clinical depression for most of my adult life but probably started in my mid teens.  I'm 38 now, and I feel like nothing ever gets better no matter what my situation is, I always feel badly about myself and how I go about things in my life.  Currently, I'm having a terrible time trying to cope with being alone and feeling like no one in the world cares.  Not only do I feel this way, but I really believe it's true.  I have no one that will help me and no one that I think would know what to say to help me.  Not even my therapist.  I feel like it's a waste of time.  I go there, spill my guts, and then I'm back to feeling crappy about myself and my life.  I'm also going through a nasty custody battle with my ex who, until 3 months ago, was supportive in my attempts to try and get help for myself.  Now, we've become estranged and I feel so empty.  My days are filled with uncontrollable crying and I feel like an emotional wreck.  I started smoking again after quitting for more than a year, so now I feel terrible about that and I just feel like I can't deal with the stresses anymore.  I have no energy.  My kids were my only saving grace and now, I feel like I'm such an emotional wreck that I cannot even be a decent mom to them anymore and feel as though they should not even be around me.  I really am at a loss....

[br350]

bluesky123....I, too, have suffered from anxiety and clinical depression off/on for many years.  I understand the feeling of being alone and feeling hopeless.  You say that your therapy is not helping.  I would strongly suggest trying a different therapist. I have probably seen 6 different people over the course of my adult life in search of the 'right' match.  It really does matter.  If you are not feeling your therapist is helpful then something is lacking in that patient/caregiver relationship.   Are you taking any medication for your depression?  When it gets to the point you are feeling at such a loss, it usually is a signal that medication and therapy is a must....at least in my experience.  And I'm one who has resisted medication at every turn. Yet, here I am having been on Zoloft for 4 years.  Please know that you are NOT alone.....even though we don't know eachother I KNOW the feelings you are talking about. I have felt so isolated and lonely (even with friends/family around because they didn't understand) and I never want another person to feel that way.   There are so many of us out there that suffer from depression and feel at the end of our rope.   There is always help to be had but sometimes it takes searching.  Do you know anyone you can ask for a recommendation to another therapist?  If not, you can google 'ratemds' and 'vitals' as well as a few other sites where you can get ratings for doctors of all kinds of specialties to get started choosing someone.

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way.....please know you are not alone.

[bluesky123]

Br350, thanks for you reply.  Since this is the depression forum I only wrote about that but really I also suffer from social anxiety and panic attacks and general anxiety.  I felt like I could handle things when my only issue was depression and social anxiety.  But now that I have anxiety/panic attacks for the past 7 years on top of everything else I feel like it's just getting so difficult to deal with even the basic things.  The therapist I'm seeing right now is a nice enough person especially compared to the one I was seeing before her.  However, I feel there is only so much a therapist can do to help someone who is feeling down, lost, and anxious.  I also feel as though I would just never be happy with any therapist because I'm just really never happy with anything.  I only see the negative in everyday situations.  I really don't want to take meds, but I guess it's getting to the point where I've run out of other options.  The last time I took meds I had a terrible time with side effects, especially insomnia.  There is comfort in knowing I am not alone in feeling this way and knowing that I'm not just faking this as some people would like to believe.   
Thanks again.

[kokoro27]

 
Your NOT alone.  Thats why you are on this site :-) your reaching out to talk to other people who suffer the same or similar thoughts and feelings. Thats a big step.

I feel that way alot too...Every day is a struggle to keep positive and happy and m pushing forward.  Even thou I have three beautiful daughters and now after 2 years of recovery from diagnosis of Major depressive disorder and 2 0119 attemps in one year I still feel alone most of the time even thou I have more support from my kids and friends now than ever before in my life.  Sometimes I wonder what am I pushing forward to? Thats the scary part.

So much to say...I could write forever...lol But YOU ARE NOT ALONE