12 Years of suffering and STILL going...

[girlmeetsgun]

Hi, my name is Nicolette.  I just joined this site because after being in a sort of remission (I was able to at least control attacks without meds), I've recently began having more severe and scary panic attacks.

I started having panic episodes when I was just 13 years old.  It was an awful event- I actually blacked out in the auditorium on my first day at a new school.  Since then, I've struggled to deal with it.  My mom had the same condition and my dad has depression.  I was also diagnosed wrongly with depression, but finally the consensus is bipolar disorder with rapid attacks.

I am now 26 years old.  I've been prescribed Xanax since I was in high school.  I used to take it every time I had an attack and noticed they got worse.  I cannot take anti-depressants such as Paxil or Effexor because they negatively impact my mania episodes.  I have been on the mood stablizer and epilepsy med Tegretol for nearly 4 years.  Unfortunately it does not help with the panic attacks and I've relied on the basic method of deep breathing, positive thinking, and convincing myself that if I end up dying, that's okay- it's worked up until now.  My symptoms are worse than ever though.

I am now getting weakness in my left arm and leg without warning.  My left shoulder aches for no reason.  My left eye will have blurry vision and/or spots.  I feel dizzy and even with my deep breathing, head between my knees, standing in cool air techniques- it does not seem to be getting better.  I can no longer be prescribed Xanax because my health practitioner told me I need to see a psychiatrist- I have no health insurance and it can take 4-5 months to be seen by the state funded mental health institute here.  I know what my condition is, I am not suicidal, by physical and mental health conditions are in control- except for my panic attacks.  And they are not constant.  I was in therapy for two years for bipolar disorder- it did help some, but mostly I think getting out of my hectic lifestyle was all I needed.  I live on my own, work a full-time job, pay my bills, and have a successful relationship with my long-term significant other.  I don't think I need anymore therapy. 

I'm looking for people to talk to when I'm having such a crisis as this (I'm at work, I work third shift alone and have NO ONE to talk me through an episode here).  How does everyone else deal with such a thing?

[~justme~]

its alot to deal with and most people cope differently. breathing and positive thoughts sometimes help. bipolar i have found is a very complicated disorder and for the most part if they adjust your medications that should have a positive affect. it may be that u need some adjusting to help with these flare ups and minimize these moods and panics.