sexual intrusive thoughts

[redwingslions]

Hi everyone my name is Red and this is my story. (Please read, its interesting)

I've had anxiety basically my whole life. I remember as a kid i was too scared to go to the counter, i'd fake sick in school when it was time to present infront of the class, i'd get overly anxious before sporting events. I was a great hockey player but never went anywhere in it because of my anxiety and i guess im insecure too. I remember not going to school because of a pimple on my nose and i just know im more anxious than most people. But its weird because i was always the class clown and i am well liked with lots of friends and girlfriends. (one girl at a time, dont worry )

Once college started i got paranoid one day about some girl i was with and then for the next while i felt like i was trapped in mu own mind and i thought i was dying. If it wasnt AIDS from a girl, then it was a brain tumour. if it wasnt a tumour, it was stomach cancer, etc (you get the picture). i fell into an anxiety filled depression where i wouuldnt leave the house and i actually felt like i was going insane. I went to the doctors and she prescribed me Paxil. I see a lot of people hating on Paxil but it truly changed my life! i got out of the depression and felt like my normal self again!

But now moving out in my own apartment with no car and nowhere to go, i basically was stuck there. (but this is besides the point) what im getting at is i just started a new job with my best friend's dad's company. I was anxious (as always) to start and by day two at lunch i got this INTRUSIVE thought of me stabbing my best friend! This came out of nowhere! this freaked the crap out of me! i would never want to hurt him or anyone! just got the thought and couldn't stop thinking of it the whole day. (it was like i was obsessed with the thought and i couldnt stop!) so now about 10 days later i've stopped thinking about the images with him but evcen worse it was stemmed down to harming my girlfriend. (once again, i would NEVER do such a thing and thats why its bothering me so much.) now those thoughts have went away and now everytime i see a child or man im like "youre attracted to them" even though im completely straight and obviously know id never do that. its just annoying if im watching tv or surfing the net that everytime i see a child i get this bad feeling and its depressing and always in the back of my mind. Everyday is now a struggle cause i cant seem to get the thoughtst out of my head and its killing me inside. I've been to the doctors and been taking paxil for about 3 weeks. i feel better than in the beginning but the pedo thoughts are still here. any advice?!?!? thanks a lot!

[mantooth]

I get weird thoughts sometimes too man. But the fact that you're scared of them probably means you aren't crazy. Just let them float on by, as hard as that may seem.


Pavel Datsyuk is a stud by the way.

[Arya12]

OH the classic sexual intrusive or Harm ocd thoughts. Ive had them and so has every single person with real pure o. Dont worry about it, whenever i would have those thoughts i would just say to myself it's just ocd and everytime a thought occured i'd say it's just ocd. The reason we have these thoughts is bc the ocd part of your mind is trying it's very hardest to get you scarred and fear that you actually want to do those things, in reality these ocd thoughts reflect the opposite of your true intentions thats why they bother you so. Serial killers and sex offenders dont sit and worry about a thought they had they embrace and enjoy those thoughts. And if your worried about the fact that this thought popped out of nowhere, dont be worried, most of my ocd intrusive thoughts popped out of nowhere bc your mind is subconsciously in a very fragile anxious state and even though you think it popped out of nowhere, it was just ocd thinking up the worst image bc your mind was extremely susceptible at that moment, Also what helps me alot is when i have a ocd thought i simply whip out my iphone, go to notes and write down a key word that was linked to that thought and then write just ocd forced thought. i dont ever write out the full thought bc i afraid i'll loose my phone and someone might think i'm actually crazy bc they dont understand pure o ocd lol 

[redwingslions]

thanks for the reply, both of you.

I'm also struggling with the depression part of the ocd. (well, i think its ocd, i've yet to be diagnosed) its just that there is always a trigger because kids and guys are everywhere. I'm not homophobic or anything, i'm just not gay and def. not a pedo. it's more the fact when i see kids and men or whatever, i just get the guilty feeling, almost like "oh theres a kid, feel sad now" "oh theres a man, feel sad now"

i dunno, i just hope it gets better

[breynolds95746]

Hey red,

I sent you two messages back on accident relative to this topic in PM's, but I actually came to this site for the same reason. Sexuality OCD and Harming Others OCD seem to be a recurring topic here. It's very common for normal, completely harmless individuals to fear and focus on their sexuality or their potential to harm. Our minds are powerful creatures, and thus, must be tamed. You should know that as a young man, you are definitely subject to strong sexual thoughts, and likewise, your imagination involving sex will conjure up whatever it pleases. You can even focus long enough on anything and probably trick yourself into arousal to whatever. But true sex offenders, like Arya correctly mentioned, are infatuated with children, desire, and even fantasize about them. Obsessing about the correctness of your arousal or the thoughts in your mind is not a symptom of sexual malfunction (like sex offenders suffer from with pedophilia). Same with the harmful thoughts. Serial killers often suffer from Antisocial Personality Disorder, which in itself, entails a lack of self-awareness or remorse. Considering your harmful thoughts would not correlate with someone of a serial killer nature. Therefore, relax as best you can, let the thoughts pass, turn to this warm community in times of need (we are all always here for ya), and remind yourself you are sane and actually quite normal.

Cheers friend.

Brad