Hello, some advice please...fear of sexual orientation

[cconroy11]

Hello and happy holidays to anyone that reads this.
I Joined this forum about a year ago, where I talked about problems I had concerning anxiety., and unwanted intrusive thoughts and fears. Well, A year later and I'm concerned that my anxiety comes from OCD. I'm happy to say that I do have a strong hold over my anxiety as compared to a year or two ago. Its always there in the background but I know what to do, to stop an anxiety attack or a meltdown. This is great! and I am quite proud of myself but...I still have very intrusive thoughts and those I cant seem to manage.

I have a fear that I might turn gay...as stupid as that sounds it really bothers me. I know that I'm straight, and being straight is what I want to be, but I cant get the thought or even images out of my head sometimes....its incredibly stressful. It started because I am going through a divorce right now, and..its been a year now, but I just don't find myself attracted to any women...heck, I don't even find myself attracted to anything...

Has anyone gone through this? any advice...I am driving my self crazy with this one..

[Jessie.x]

Hello there,

Happy holidays to you too!
First, congrats on having that strong hold on your anxiety.. especially while going through a divorce, that can't be easy. I'm not a psychologist and I don't want to come off like I know everything.. but you aren't the first person who's been concerned about turning gay. I have an opinion on this though. If you think about it, most people who are gay, straight, bi, etc. probably weren't afraid that they were that orientation.. they just knew they were, right? My younger brother is gay and he hates it, he actually has said repeatedly that he wishes he was straight. I believe people who are gay are born that way and the fact that you fear being attracted to the same sex tells me that you're strictly dealing with obsessive thoughts about it.. which I'm pretty sure you understand. Although I know that can't be an easy thing to deal with, I hope you can try and keep in mind that it's only anxiety.

Also, I know that it doesn't even come close to comparing to a divorce, but when my boyfriend of three years broke up with me I definitely wasn't attracted to anyone either, just like you mentioned. I'm straight and the thought of being with another guy just disgusted me. You're just going through a difficult time and your anxiety is manifesting itself into these thoughts.

I think the only reason you can't get the images out of your head is because you're thinking about not wanting to see them. It's kind of like having a panic attack.. you think so much about not wanting to have one that you end up having one, you know? This might be horrible advice and I'm sorry if it is, but maybe try and let the images or thoughts come.. if you don't fight them they might not even come to your head.

Take care and good luck !

[cconroy11]

No it is good advice, and I'm sure the majority of people on here just want assurance...like me haha, maybe I'm wrong, but just having someone tell you, that you aren't crazy make you feel a lot better 

I guess its just another bump in my road.

[mantooth]

Ever wonder if you might just be gay?


Just kidding man, I have fears of becoming something I don't want to be, like a pedophile or other things that normally disgust me. (not that gay people disgust me, but pedophilia is just wrong.) Trying to get rid of thoughts like that usually make them stronger, I find that making light of them helps me.

[cconroy11]

I wonder that all the time! haha
I even sometimes allow my self to accept those thoughts, Ill tell my self ok...your gay and the thought just feels so wrong on the inside, maybe that's better then telling yourself no constantly?

I dont think our thoughts define who we are though, I just hate arguing with myself 24/7.

And your definitely not a pedophile,  the way young girls dress and act these days, its even hard to tell a 24 and 13 year old apart....

[VeryScary]

I've lived as a lesbian since I was 17, which is about 15 years now. For several years I struggled with intrusive thoughts of "are you just faking it" that had to do with other people's thoughts and doubts. I became deeply depressed when I was 22 because I kept trying to think myself straight.

Over the years, I've gotten a lot better because a) my thoughts weren't changing (I have HUGE thought checking issues, I'm learning) and b) because I decided that I just was NOT going to torture myself in this particular way.

I'm just weighing in because so mmuch of our fears are about societal messages and what other people think. It's NOT YOU. Recognizing that has helped me.

And for the record: If you're gay, when you think the thoughts, you will like them. I know with thought checking you go into this maze of "well DO I like them?" but just go with your truest feeling inside. You DO know if you like them or don't no matter what your irrational mind tells you.

[KAZ2Y5]

Stress can often provoke (or make worse) OCD and anxiety. Going through a divorce is a pretty stressful thing! I know that when I am stressed, I often have unwanted and intrusive thoughts that are very hard to escape.

As other people mentioned, most people who are actually homosexual don't worry too much about it. They just are. Kind of like straight people. Have you ever found yourself worrying about being straight? Probably not. You just are.

I, personally, am asexual (non-sexual). I don't identify as being straight or gay because I don't find myself intimately attracted to either sex. I worried about this for a long time before I realized it. My obsessive thoughts on the topic were hell-raising. I had many panic attacks on the subject. But, eventually, I came to accept that I was what I was.

Remember, stress is a powerful trigger. Keep that in mind!

[@liverpoolfc.com]

I have had a few problems over recet months just needed some advice if anybody could help! I am 28 an have een with my newly fiancee for over 4.5 yrs now, it was around nov i went out on a works night out got really really drink alot worse than i have ever been and as a joke i threw the lips on a lad who works with me as a joke he has done it to me and others inthe past an always laugh an joke never no issue! But since then worry has entered my mind (i am 1 of lifes worriers)! Thinkin that i cud be gay! I have never had this issue b4 in my life and before this my relationship was brilliant with my fiancee, so all of a sudden am not eatin,sleepin cannot concentrate nausea the runs all becoz i am terrified!. So i go to see 2 doctors an they say i have got anxiety! And that the whole thing i am worrying about is not a issue!. I do believe that and i do believe i have terrifoed my self so much and worried on and off for a couple months now, any ideas?

[@liverpoolfc.com]

Its been a month since i posted here about this topic i am stil going to therapy (cbt) i feel it has done abit of good! I have my good weeks and bad days were the fear and worry all come back in waves! My fiancee is being very very supportive with me! Was just wanting to no if anybody else had any feedback for me sometimes i feel like my life is over

Thankyou for reading this