Fear of dying

[reamber]

For the past few months or so, moreso prominent in the past few weeks, I have had an irrational fear of dying. I am not too sure as to how I think this, but I can give some background information on the fear that may help out.

9th grade: My step-grandfather died of a heart attack. That started the whole fear (although it was very mild). I think I really came to the realization of my mortality. Even though I was not blood-related to him, I felt as though because he died of a hear attack, so would I. A few months after that, a girl in my school died of a heart attack (and that only helped to build my fear). That year in the spring, I experienced an altogether new feeling: I couldn't swallow. For months I lived off of nutient drinks, applesauce, mashed potatoes, and tomato soup.

10th grade: My anxiety altogether went away. Until the spring, once again I could not swallow. During a band concert, I had to walk out because my arms went numb and I was on the verge of passing out. I have always had stage-fright, but never that bad. That sent me down the road of anxiety again. My mom got my a therapist, although it is hard opening up to her (even after half a year of sessions). I am still currently seeing her.

Now, 11th grade: My anxiety flared up the beginning of school, went away, and now has come back full-force (although a different type of anxiety). I used to have the fear that I would have a heart attack. That moved on to the fear that I'd pass out at the most inconvienent of times (driving, marching, etc.). Now it is just the fear of dying itself. I almost cannot even write about it without feeling anxious. I truly hope that I can overcome this fear, as it seems to hinder my ability to enjoy myself and have fun. 

[Frontsider]

Did you know that the heart can beat 200 bpm for weeks on end without any exhaustion? If you knew how strong your heart was, you wouldnt fear having a heart attack. But, I do know your fear, and its not an uncommon one. No one wants to think about dying, but thats usually reserved for the people that are physically ill or much older than you, and from what you have written, I can tell you are not one of those persons. You are in fact though, suffering from irrational thoughts and fears that pretty much all of us have or have had before. The time you mentioned your arms going numb was simply the adrenaline surging through your body, I used to get extreme panic attacks while driving on the freeway and my whole body would go numb, Id lock up, but, I always got through it even when it feels like "this time is the time, im going to die this time i know it" ... it never happens, and it never will. The mind is a powerful thing and many of us can be plagued by its power. But, with the right way of thinking, we certainly have power as well to take control. Hang in there, you are going to be fine, I know it! 

[tinam7]

Frontsider gives excellent input that I echo.

My observation is that you might change therapist. If you can't be open and speak up properly after all that time, something is amiss. You have your mom working with you and that is wonderful. I am old and near the exit, but you are far, far away. You have your life ahead of you to live and enjoy. Best to you.