Nightmares

[ocdengineer]

Since late last week I have had a really horrible sore throat.  Not much of any other symptoms, but probably one of the worst sore throats that I have ever had.  I still have it today and it looks like I have a couple more days before this is going to subside.

Anyway, to the point.  I have been taking a LOT of cold medicine in order to keep the pain at a minimum and it has just barely helped, but lastnight I took Dimetapp which actually helped some.  However, I woke in the middle of the night because I had dreamed that I was going to die of lung cancer.  I took some more Dimetapp and went back to sleep.  I woke this morning after another dream that I had brain cancer.  Both dreams caused me intense fear, but mostly sadness because all I could think about was not getting to watch my children grow up.

Has anyone had horrible nightmares like that from cold medicine or is it just my anxiety getting the best of me again?  I didn't feel anxious, I just had two horrendous nightmares that caused me deep sadness.  I am fine now, but the pain was very real both times when I woke up.

Take care,
OE

[itsmeesindee]

I also had a terrible dream last night that my 4 year old daughter died.  I can totally understand what you were feeling.  Incredible sadness and fear.  Did you have a stressful day yesterday?  For some strange reason she has been talking about how she doesn't want me to die and wants to be with me forever.   Talk about anxiety.  I guess it is just a stage she is going through.  Somehow it must have triggered my dream.  I did have to take extra Ambien last night so I don't know if that contributed.

Well I hope we both have a better night tonight.
 
Cin

[ocdengineer]

Yea, my days have been pretty stressful.  I have a newborn and as soon as I get home from work I watch the kids until my wife gets back from the gym, so by the end of the day I am shot.  It is really wearing on me quite a bit, but I want my wife to have time to herself as well, and I am sure she is stressed as well. 

Your daughter is awfully young to be worrying about death.  That would probably scare me as well.  Have you guys sat down and talked about it.  I remember I was very young when I learned about death and it was a very scary idea for a small child to figure out.  My parents sat and talked with me about it and it helped a bit to ease some of the fear.  She is also starting school, right? 

My dreams are always composed of events that have transpired in the previous couple days to form a full dream or story.  It is really strange, but every part I can trace back to a conversation or a though etc. from the previous days.  I almost never remember them though unless they are bad and wake me up.  Such was the case last night.

Let's both hope for some good sleep tonight!

Take care,
OE

[itsmeesindee]

OC,

My night was much better, I hope yours was as well.

About the death thing, I tried to reassure her that i was going to be with her for a longtime and that she doesnt need to worry about anything as we well take care of her.  I didn't go into too much detail because of her age and her limited understanding.  She is pretty bright but I just didnt know how far to go with it for fear of scaring her even more.  I really don't know what to say except everything is alright and try to steer the conversation in another direction.  Any advice?

Cin

[apple]

I had to do the same thing with both my girls at a young age.  And you dont want to say you'll always be there and break them if something does happen, but dont want to scare them either.

You did the right thing given her age.  Letting her know you will take care of her for a very long time is the best you can do.  My daughter asked about forever...I told her I would try real hard to be there till I'm 80 years old. I also had to change the subject as she kept wanting more specific.  No one can answer that. 

I have had nightmares of bad things happening to my kids, or me trying to save them.  I think its a parent thing.  Your mind worrying about mortality.  It scares me enough to hug my kids a little longer. 

hugs to you

[itsmeesindee]

Thanks Apple! 

The 80 year thing is a good idea.  Your right about unexpected things happening I just didnt know what to say because she was crying her little eyes out.  It makes me feel a bit better to know that other young kids go through this, although I wish they didn't.  Thanks.

Cin

[ocdengineer]

I slept really well.  I took some Nyquil!  LOL.  Works every time. 

Anyway, I haven't had the discussion, but I remember the discussion as it was portrayed to me when I was around that age and scared of death.  My parents were honest and compasionate, so they told me all about how people die and why and that they would be there for a very very long time.  Impermanace is a very scary idea and even us grown ups have trouble with the idea.  I remember all of the anxiety about going to school for the first time was when I started worrying about my parents dying.  I thought that if I wasn't there then I couldn't protect them if something bad were to happen.  Its funny how such a young child can try to put so much responsibility on their own shoulders.  I had a couple of rough years in grade school because of separation anxiety and rebounded around the 3rd grade and was fine from that point until my early twenties.

I am still considering how to have that discussion with my children.  I am not religious so that even puts another tough spin on the discussion.  Do I tell them what I really think, or do I give them the assurance that there is life after death?  I don't know yet I guess.  My parents did an OK job, but I wish they had done more talking with me than avoiding the conversation I think.  It was hard for me to grasp, but I think ultimately I would have been better off having understood the concept better.  It is a tough one though.

Take care,
OE

[lamy12]

When I am stressed I have really horrible nightmares about dying.  I think for me it is also related to having my daughter-2 1/2 years old....and the worrying that goes with that.  I worry so much about dying and not being there for her.  Sometimes the whole thing is so overwhelming.  And this past weekend.....she slipped and fell on her head and we had our first ER visit.  She's fine....but this worrying is insane.  Everyone said that once you have a child.....you will really know what it means to love another......it's awesome....but how do you stop the bad thoughts!!!!!  lamy

[ocdengineer]

You are right.  I have never felt love for anyone like I do for my children.  I never thought a bond like this was possible for me and it is awesome, but as you mentioned, with it comes great fear.  I am really protective and will have to at some point learn to let go a little, but right now I just can't see it happening anytime soon. 

I feel you on that Lamy12!
OE

[itsmeesindee]

When my daughter brought it up again tonight I took Apple's advice and told her I  try very hard to be with her a long long time.  Until she was all grown up with children of her own.  She was not so upset this time.

Yes death is very scary for me as an adult.  I think it is because you are alone to face the unknow.

Cin

[apple]

Aw Cin thats so wonderful.  I'm glad she felt a little better.     Poor little things so scared of losing us.  I guess they can be just as afraid of losing us as we are of losing them.