Alcohol erased my anxiety.. until it started creating the anxiety?

[Jessie.x]

I tried to shorten this post a million times and it wasn't happening, but I'd really appreciate some opinions or people who can relate so if you scroll down to the last two paragraphs you'll get the gist of the post so you don't have to go through the entire thing. I guess I'm no good at the "long story short" thing.

I'm 21 years old and got drunk for my first time at 18. I'd waited until what I think is a later age to start drinking because of my anxiety in the first place. I'd always associated drinking with dizziness, nausea/vomiting and not being in control of my state of mind, all three of which I'd had intense fears of. I don't know what made me finally decide to try and get drunk for my first time- I think it was during a period where my anxiety wasn't so intense.

I will never forget what I felt the first time I was drunk. The fear I used to feel on a daily basis was GONE. I wasn't scared of anything while I was drunk. I wasn't scared of throwing up anymore, I wasn't scared of being dizzy. I wanted to find new people to talk to rather than isolating myself and avoiding people like my usual self. I talked the truth instead of hiding my feelings and it gave me confidence I'd never ever had before. I made it a mission to drink every single weekend whether it was with my friends at parties or by myself.. It was the one thing I looked forward to.

I thought that alcohol was the solution to my anxiety. I drank to go to parties, I drank to go to family functions, I even drank to have sex with my boyfriend (due to being so self-conscious of my body), I drank to put myself to sleep and basically drank whenever I was faced with something I knew would cause me anxiety. I'd been doing this up until about a month ago and everything is now the opposite.

When I drink now I feel good at first like usual, but after just one drink I'm already drunk and that scares me. The dizzy feeling I used to not mind makes me feel like there's something wrong with my health. I black out every time I drink even if I don't have much and usually always throw up and this also makes me think I have something wrong with me.

What's worse than the anxiety I have while I'm drinking is the anxiety I have the next day- which is almost unbearable. I have a light-headedness that I can only describe as the feeling you get after blowing up a balloon too hard and fast. I've been hungover before and what I feel every day after drinking isn't normal.. unless three day hangovers are common. I feel like I can't breathe and I experience a dissociative feeling days after drinking. Every since these weird hangovers started my anxiety has come back worse than it's been for the passed 3 years. I don't know if it's because of the alcohol but I feel it has something to do with it. Now when I drink it's more because it's a habit/ritual. I don't enjoy it anymore because I know how panicked I going to feel after it.

Do you think the alcohol has triggered my anxiety? I'd had it under control so well up until now. Any opinions would be appreciated and sorry again for the long post.

[sixpack]

alcohol can cause, I am sure, anxiety.  It can also make anxiety worse.  A lot of people will self-medicate with alcohol to ease anxiety symptoms.  This isn't the thing to do as it just backfires and ultimately makes matters worse.

[healthierforu]

Before I say what I think let me first say that too much drinking is not good for you and it can cause  serious illnesses as I am sure you are aware of .......which in turn only gives us anxious people a REAL cause for our obessive worries. I know because I have smoked for years and I fight it everyday but somehow dont put it down. (and smoking like alchol hurts you!) Anyway anxiety has a strange way (just my opionion) of taking over things that we find comfort in and turning them on us! Like your drinking was a place of peace now it is a source of worse anxiety! Which in answer to your question...yes it can make it worse.  I can name lots of things that this has happened to me with....like sleep was my only solstice......i looked so forward it ........then BOOM like a bomb anxiety took that over too......I loved hot baths .........then BOOM ......anxiety found a reason why that was going to hurt me.........I loved tuna fish.....then same thing.........I could go on and ...........anxiety steals our life!  I hope that while you are still young you get some help for your anxiety and defeat this ugly monster that steals our happiness.........you can live with it you really can .......I am 48 and it has taken so much of my life.......mostly because I just could not admit that I had an problem with anxiety when the doctors would say that....help is there and here in this forum.we are here for you!     I pray peace is close at hand for you! 

[kurtc1222]

I can totally relate to you Jesse X. I too did the same thing when I was younger and was a huge pot head, which obviously helped. But I went through a bad time in life, started having yet another breakdown and the weed started having the opposite effect, instead of calming me down it was making me panic because at the time, I was smoking so much. I think the problem is, like for everyone, is we mask our anxiety or any other issue and use different substances to cope, whether it's legal or illegal drugs or meds., But what happens is, we are pushing down the original problem and not actually working on it, therefore at some point it can't be pushed down any further and will just pop back up and even worse than first started because we weren't trying to heal or fix the problem or learn to cope. So like everything else when it comes to mental illness or anxiety, it takes work to cope and get through a day, and the key is to keep working on it and not rely on something to make it easier all of the time. Because in reality things just can't be easy all of the time, just at moments. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. So stay strong and learn new ways to cope. I too cannot get drunk because it bothers my anxiety too much, with the sensations, so I can only buzz, and I cannot touch weed at all now for the same reason. I can't handle feeling out of it or woozy with anything. So I can totally related. Hang in there.

[Jessie.x]

kurtc1222- Thanks for your response, I also used to smoke pot a lot.. not to the extent that I'd call myself a pot head because I only did it maybe once a night.. but I used to smoke a fair amount so I get what you mean by it masking the real problem. It's good to know you can relate, although I'm sorry your anxiety's taken something you enjoy away from you. I think I'm going to end up in the same boat- only being able to handle a small buzz to control my anxiety. Maybe that's not such a bad thing though, I'm sure there is more to life than a buzz. Thanks again :)

healthierforu- I agree with you completely about anxiety taking away everything you find comfort in.. it's sad but true. I'm sorry it's taken so much from you.. even things that seem simple like a hot bath. I guess when it comes to anxiety nothing is simple anymore is it? I know I'm at an advantage with being hit with anxiety at a young age and I've been getting help for years.. I think it's something I'm going to struggle with forever.. I just have to learn to find a mindset that will get me through it and not allow it to take over my life. Thanks for your reply and good luck to you !

[kurtc1222]

No problem Jessie X. Yes it does suck having to lose something that was fun in my life. But I always tell people that one thing that works for me is that I just started a whole new life. It was hard forgetting about my old goals I had in life before I started having breakdowns, but I came up with new goals and a new lifestyle and started finding pleasure in other things. New things I find new pleasure in is soft baked pretzels, chocolate and bath and body shop hee hee. I love to take bubble baths and showers with awesome smelling things to escape for a bit and when I take a bath I like to read a book that also helps me escape into a different world for a few minutes. There's a couple of things I've learned in counseling that really helps, mindfulness and mindfulness techniques ( tons of info online if you're not familiar with it) and self soothing, taking time to take care of myself. On Saturdays since I don't have to work and my boyfriend is at work all day, I rent funny DVDs and veg out on the couch and laugh. Also, something I just started trying is rescue remedy, it's an all natural anxiety aid that comes in liquid or little chewy candies (also tons of info. online). Once again, good luck to you 

[stevo1111]

I have experience this, however less extreme. This past summer I decided to take control of my anxiety/ panic and went on medication (SSRI) and the drug didn't agree with me at all and sent me downward before I rebounded. I'm close with my family and have lots of friends so there are always parties and get togethers and they were almost unbearable to handle with the anxiety. At that point I was in a mental place where I thought substances would get me away for a little from it, so on top of the SSRI I'd take benzo's, drink heavily, smoke weed, massive amounts cigarettes and sometimes harder drugs. I must admit, it did get me out of my head for a while, but I felt so horrible the days after and anxiety just came back worse!

I went completely clean for 2+ months, and quit taking the SSRI that was like Poison to me. The best "drug" I've had is hardcore exercise. None the less, after this I was naturally afraid of what alcohol might do to me, so the first few times I drank I was tense, nervous and had the self doubting thoughts that accompany anxiety. Boom, one drink your head is light and you're feeling sick. You wake up tense, dizzy, anxious. You let your brain kidnap you. Over time I've learned to control my thoughts, CBT is great, and I can now really enjoy drinking/what not and going out with friends. Once you learn to relax into it I find the experience actually releases me from my anxiety for a few days because I'm filled with the good thoughts and good feelings of that night!

Also, don't forget, if you're on any medications, SSRI, benzos etc they would be a physical cause for this.

Your brain chemistry does change as you age, you can never rule that out.

Finally, DIZZINESS! It's awful, right? Well, its physical, meaning your brain has to be telling your body to do something. Next time you're dizzy try the following:
1. Check if you're clenching your teeth! That's my cause of day to day dizziness.
2. Check your blood pressure! Your amygdala is constantly making an anxious body release adrenaline, your BP may be low or high when you feel dizzy
3. Feel for tension in your head and neck, tight muscles will throw off your equilibrium.
4. Could you be dehydrated? Definite cause of dizziness.
Those are just a few possible causes!

I would also earnestly suggest you go see a Dr. and therapist, some of them are great and some drugs do work great for people. If you're feeling extra tense, nature does also supply a natural tranquilizer that will gently sooth you rather than plaster you, Valerian Root. Much as a benzo does, it acts on the GABA receptors, calming and sedating a bit. The easiest way to get it is through Celestial Seasonings sleepy time extra tea. It brings me down in the evenings when I'm feeling extra tense.

Sorry for the novel by the way, I have just studied anxiety and myself so much I feel like I've figured some things out now that would have helped me a year ago, so I can't help but share.

best of luck to everyone,

Steve

[kurtc1222]

Stevo you made some good points, I've been wanting to try Valerian root, but I had tried Rescue Remedy recently and it does seem to help, and also for sleep I have tried Yogi's bedtime tea, also seem to help. I have also tried the Bob Marley iced teas (of course b/c I'm such a fan..hee hee) and they work too! the problem is they are loaded with sugar and I try to watch my sugar intake since diabetes runs in my family, but it's a nice treat once in a while. And good for you for getting such control over your anxiety, I know what you mean about the meds. I too went through a negative experience with them when I tried them years ago and now have a med. phobia. But I know people who are on meds. and they work wonders for them. But yes, CBT works great and also DBT too. Anxiety is such a battle, I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy. But we'll all have to just keep fighting it and kicking it's butt. We all have to remember to breath!