Jobs are causing anxiet attacks?

[vertigo801]

Hi everybody. I'm Karla I'm 26 years old and I'm a math teacher and this new phase of my life is ruining everything I have worked for: family relationships, work, friends, body and mind. I know that I'm barely starting within this disorder but it is impossible for me to accept that I may never have the control of my life again. This is my story:

My life has been good; I'm very blessed to have a family that supports me. I went to college and got my bachelor and then a master degree, everything was going according to plan. I even got a job a week after graduation, that was almost 4 months ago, I was scared a little bit to be teaching so many students (175 now but I started with 193) but I was motivated and ready for the challenge so I thought.

Everything changed after the first week I found that my students’ priority wasn't learning math. I was fine with this because I thought I would do my best and try to help as many kids as I could, but it seems that my mind didn't agree with me. After that first week I started getting nauseous every morning in my way to work. I would literally stop the car thinking I would throw up; I barely ate coz I lost my appetite. I didn't sleep only 2-3 hours sometimes, I would wake up in the middle of the night not able to go back to sleep just looking at the clock think that at 5:30 I had to be up. I was working until 6pm even when I was supposed to work until 3:10. My symptoms worsened within days. I started shaking and hyperventilating, having palpitations. Then one day I got up getting ready to work and I started shaking again and this time I thought I was going to explode, everything closed up on me, I was trapped and I couldn't do anything about it, so I burst in tears and I couldn't stop so my dad told me there was no way I could go to work and being in charge of 175 students when I couldn't even get up to call that I was going to absent. I would calm myself for some minutes and then go back to crying, in one of those minutes I called and reported sick.

I went to my OB/GYN because I didn't have a family doctor (I never thought I would need it because I have always been healthy). My OB/GYN told me I was depressed and the cause was my job, so she said that I would have to find a new job (as it were that easy), so she prescribed me an antidepressant to calm me down. The medicine made everything worse. It was Sunday and I remember I woke up and I just started crying for no reason at all. I was so scared, of what? I don’t know but it felt like I was losing control of myself. I was shaking and there were moments I would calm down and then again I would cry. The evening of that day was worse, I was grading some tests and suddenly I felt like I was going to die, like I was going to explode but this time was worse than before, this time I had to get up and go outside and ask for help to my mom. I was anxious and couldn’t even speak without crying I thought that was it for me, that I was going to lose everything in that moment. My mom made me some tea that was supposed to calm me down, and I thought that the medication could be worsening my anxiety so I stopped taking it. I kept working even though I was having episodes at school during the period I was not teaching and lunch time. Somehow I was managing not to cry during classes but deep down I didn’t know how long I would be able to handle it.

Two weeks ago I went to the nurse office at my work site and ask information about anxiety and panic attacks or any counselors avilable for teachers, and that was my mistake. I went back to my classroom getting ready for my next class not knowing that asking for information would trigger a series of events that I’m still trying to recover from. The nurse reported that I was suffering an attack which I was not, but anyway they picked me up and took me to nurse office and they told me to lie down and rest. I was totally confused I didn’t know what was happening. I told them that I was fine and that I needed to go back to my classroom and teach. They told that I didn’t have to worry about it, so they didn’t let me go back. Their questions caused me to start crying and the AP sent me home for the day and I could only go back to work with a note from my doctor stating that I was fine.

 I went to my OB/GYN and to my surprise she said that she wouldn’t write me the note that she couldn’t send me back to the place that was making me sick. Instead she put off work for two weeks and sent me to the Psychiatrist and to another doctor (Internal medicine) and changed my medication. I was so overwhelmed because I didn’t know when everything went wrong. I didn’t know at what point I was no longer in control of my decisions, now my doctor and people at school were making them for me. I went to the other doctor the next day and she said that I was depressed but I was going to be fine. She wrote me the letter to go back to work after the two weeks off. These two weeks out of work have been confusing and difficult.  I thought that I would be able to relax but no I can’t. I’m always thinking that I should be at work, that my work is going to get harder because I missed 7 days of school (we have thanksgiving break during my 2 weeks off), so many things to catch up with. I went to a psychiatrist and she said that I have anxiety attacks, not exactly depression. That my problem is that I need to find what is triggering my attacks because I don’t even know. I blame my job because I was fine before, but what if it is not? I saw a therapist and she said that I’m not depressed that all my anxiety attacks come from my worries. I worry too much for every single thing. I had an episode that day before seeing her, I was not even working and it happened anyway.

This Monday I’m going back to work and just to think about makes me sick. I’m afraid I won’t be able to handle it that I would get an attack in the middle of the class and be fired. I’m scared of all the things I will lose if I lose my job. I have thinking about quitting, every time I see the principal I imagine myself telling him that I quit, but I’m not quitter I have never been.  I’m desperate because I have changed a lot. I got anemic because I didn’t eat well. I used to be fun and motivated and now it takes a lot of energy to go out or talk. My family and I have been so close but now it seems that I’m separating from them. What hurts the most is that I think I’m separating from my sister who is my best friend. I don’t get her jokes and I don’t talk to her or give her advice as much as I used to. I’m doing everything in my power to get better: I’m here in this forum trying to understand what is happening to me, I’m doing yoga and practicing breathing techniques, I’m eating healthy, I’m taking my meds and going to therapy next month. What else can I do? How can keep going and be the person I used to be? I need help. Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

[Wishingforcalm2]

i hope this doesn't sound cruel,, but so much of that sounds ridiculous!  Not you, but the fact that people are treating you like some kind of invalid or something!  I've never even heard of such a thing!! As soon as you said your OB said you were depressed, I thought, she doesn't sound depressed, she sounds like she has an anxiety/panic disorder!  Goes to show you, never go to an OB/GYN for psychiatric issues.  I think if you went to a GP, they would've given you some xanax and a referral to a counselor.  Obviously this is an exaggeration, but it's really "no big deal" in the sense that anxiety and panic are SO common.  Why would they drag you out of your classroom?  Sounds like we're missing something here.....
It is very scary to start suffering from panic attacks out of nowhere...but you had just finished school, which can be a very comfortable place for a lot of us, and it sounds like you live with your parents, (also very comforting) and to start a new job (ANY new job) and be in charge of students is very nerve wrecking.  It's okay that you had a rough start.  I think, if it's just as you say, then once you get your panic attacks under control (as I mentioned, maybe some xanax?) you'll be just fine. 
I'd fire my OB if I were you.  For her to say you were depressed because of your job and to get a new one verges on malpractice! 

[doubleyousee]

To me, it definitely sounds like it's being caused by your job. The fact that it started right before, and gets worse whenever you think about it, makes that clear. I know you said "but I had an attack on my day off, so it can't be school," but that's not necessarily true. Consciously you knew that you'd have to go back eventually, which could have been more than enough to give you an attack.

Over a 100 students definitely sounds like enough to cause an anxiety attack. My sister has 20 and she gets anxious, so I can only imagine what you're going through. I know it's not easy, but maybe you should just quit? And look for a job at another school where you have a smaller class?

I'm aware that it's not always easy to do that, or possible, depending on your school district. But you don't want your life being turned upside down because of your career.

Also, I agree with the post above me. Sounds like anxiety disorder and not depression, although anxiety disorders can lead to anxiety-induced depression, like they did for me.

You said you thought your antidepressants were only making you worse, but were they the kind that you go on for weeks? Cause if you stopped taking them after a week or 2, that's not long enough for them to kick in, and stopping them immediately without weening yourself off could have triggered withdrawl symptoms.

[bigblue]

Vertigo, I know exactly how you feel. I am in an executive position making great money but am always anxious. I am know taking Cymbalta, celexa, xanax and ambien. It does  help a bit. I always thought my job defined who I am. It is not true. You are a daughter, sister and a friend. There is much more to you then work. I know it is difficult but you need to retrain your mind to think positive. Look up cgnitive behavioral therapy on the web. It has helped me a reat deal. Good luck and God be with you

[jen2213]

Sounds like you are afraid of failing, as you said that the kids aren't interested in math. My oldest daughter is definitely not interested in math and is not doing well in school because of it and it makes me anxious just trying to teach her the basics so I totally understand the feeling only you have it x175.

After finishing school and then "growing up" and getting a real job and having everything you worked for actually happen and learning that it is harder than it seemed it would be when you were in school can be a big wake up call and can cause you stress. A new job at all can cause anxiety/panic and stress but finding that your job may not be what you hoped or is harder than you imagined can make it even worse.

I have been suffering from anxiety/panic, OCD, depression and many specific phobias for about 13 years and also agoraphobia for the last year and a half. I am 27 so I am just about the same age as you.

When i was 21 my anxiety and panic got a lot worse and I truly believe that it has to do with my hormones. I got pregnant during this time so I thought that that was the cause but after my pregnancy the symptoms never lessened. Each month a week before "that time of the month" I get severe panic and severe symptoms including dizziness, difficulty breathing, severe fatigue and just an over feeling "sick".

this last month I have been doing very well getting out of the house, doing more around the house and learning that even if I am feeling anxiety or panic symptoms i am able to still go out and do things and get things done even though I feel like crap, when I get home I can relax.

I don't take any meds because I have developed a fear of allergic reactions over the years and i don't have health insurance for therapy but I am starting a free therapy program that is available in my area on Wednesday (i went through this program when my agoraphobia first started, and am doing it again).

About getting fired, it is against the law for them to fire you now that you have notified them about your anxiety disorder and especially since your doctor has already proven it by writing you a not to be off for 2 weeks, that would be cause for a large lawsuit. Some may suggest that you quit, but this can also lead to even more panic because I have done this several times but am stuck with the guilt of failure and giving up. Even when my agorapobia was just starting I would go to drive somewhere and have a panic attack and decide that i needed to go home, I would feel even worse on the way home because on top of the panic I also would feel guilty and I would feel like I failed.

It would be best to try to overcome this while you are working. Your employer will work with you, as they are trying to do now, to help you in anyway they can to get better. Take your meds (they can take around 6-8 weeks to become fully effective) start your therapy and learn that you need to keep your family as a support system, even if you feel like you are being too needy, it is important to be open and honest with them so that they don't think they did something wrong and so that they can help you in anyway they can.

Just know that the feelings you feel of panic and fear are normal feelings, what has happened is that your brain is sending symptoms to your body that don't relate to how you are feeling because you have probably never experienced anything like this before so your brain and body are confused.

Another good idea would be to find an excuse that would enable you to leave the class when you need to get your barings. you don't want to frighten your students or be embarrassed yourself, so talk to your employer and ask them what you should do in that situation if you need to leave. Tell them that you have started medication and are going to be going to therapy to get a handle on the situation and that you plan on staying as long as you're able.

It would not be such a bad thing if you did decide to quit...believe me, I've done it with every single job I've ever had in my life so there would be no judegment here or from anyone who has an anxiety disorder. I can just say that it is much better to stay so that you don't also have the feelings of guilt and failure on top of the stress and anxiety that you are already feeling.

Hope you start to feel better soon. Anxiety Zone is soooo helpful for me and many other people, I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have this forum to come to when I need help :)

[vertigo801]

I didn't mention that my school doesn't fully know all the details about my condition. I had a surgery before school started and I also started a hormonal treatment so I kinda blamed on the hormones. My OB didn't specify the reason I had to be off work. I have been scared that once they find out about my condition they are going to be checking on me constantly or maybe find a way to get rid of me.
Jen2213, you said that I can't be fired due to my illness but I'm new at this (my job, the rules in my district) so I don't know how they are going to react if they find out I'm going to a psyquiatrist and a therapist. They won't want to jeopardize the students' safety (I'm not saying I'm dangerous) but if you see my case from a principal's perspective or parents', how would you react? Wouldn't you like to have a healthy person teaching your kids without the risk that she may or may not have a break down infront of the class? Maybe I 'm overreacting but right now this is the way I see it.

Thanks, for all your kind words. Tomorrow I will go back to work and I'm not sure how I am to react or if I'm going to have an attack,but I'm going to try, my father says that I need to comfront my fears and tomorrow will be the day.

You are right about me being treated like a handicaped, That's how I feel, when I was diagnosed with depression and the OO told me to get a new job or change career I got worse. I think that's why I'm so scared of going back to work, I'm doubting myself about my ability to teach. What if I'm not good for this job? The thing that concerns me is that I taught before as a student teacher and I replaced a teacher for 2 months and I enjoyed my experience, I was excited to have my own classroom. So, I don't know what happened. I also agree about being in my comfort zone for so long and maybe now I can't handle that many resposibles.

I thought about changing careers something related to my field that is math, or teaching at another school but I'm afraid that I will be only dragging my anxiety problems to my new job. I'm taking Zyban, it's been only two weeks and I know that it will take more thn 3-4 weeks to kick in. I don't know what to expect about the effects this medicine is going to have on me. How is it going to help me?Will I notice a change in my behavior?

I already set an appointment to start my CBT, but here in CA takes forever to get an appointment. I'll have mine in 3 weekes that is ridiculous I need one now. I'm terrified I only have some hours before I go to work. I know it sounds ridiculous that a job is doing this to my mind and body.

Again thanks for responding to my posting, I will remember all your words when I face my fears.

[constantmover]

Just reading this makes me sincerely wonder about some doctors and where they got their license to practice.  OK, got that off my chest...

You may not be that far off about the hormones having effected you and possibly be the cause of your anxiety.  Having said that, let's face it...Being responsible for that many student straight out of school regardless if you have done some supply work or not is an enormous challenge.  ANYONE would have felt anxiety.  It is my opinion that your doctors may have jumped the gun (especially your OB/GYN)...Lord give me strength.  What was he/she thinking? 

OK, let's assume this is not hormone related and it is a matter of being overwhelmed with the new job.  You certainly wouldn't be the first person to walk into a job and feel that way.  So, how to handle this and still keep the job?  Well you've already started medication.  I'm not a doctor and I definitely wouldn't have gone to an OB/GYN for my first appointment, but I would probably have gone to a general practitioner initially...got the hormones checked out and then asked for either a one month's supply of xanax or better still, a beta blocker which is generally used for performance anxiety.  That's what I would have done, but that is coming from someone who has been down this road before.  You being new to this, you did what you felt was right and then everyone got into the action, including the damn school nurse.  Seriously, I wouldn't go to her again unless you need a bandage for a paper cut.

The meds you have been put on should help out...I am a little concerned that you don't have something for the interim.  Maybe you can talk with your psychiatrist about that...unless you feel you are doing better then forget I even brought it up. 

Story time:  I have a friend who holds a very high position and worked incredibly hard to get to that point in her career.  The first major board meeting she attended, she had a panic attack and had to excuse herself.  The next one...same thing.  Now, here she is in the job of her dreams and she is starting to reassess whether she has the right stuff to actually carry it out.  Answer:  Of course she does!  She got herself a psychiatrist, was prescribed a beta blocker that she took as needed and the as needed was daily for a while, but was able to reduce them to once in a while as she got used to her job and standing up in front of the board of directors to talk.  She went through CBT (she had to wait a while too) and I'm happy to report, she is still in her job and is well respected.  Even with what she went through, she is truly happy she didn't toss in the towel and stuck it through.  The beta blockers really did the trick for her as well as the CBT.

This is the job you wanted and so what if the kids aren't really into math...Seriously, how many really are.  You had to know that before taking the job.  You will find the odd student who absolutely loves it and that student will make it all worthwhile.  The other pleasure you may get out of this is actually turning a couple on to math.  That would be the ultimate complement to your teaching.  BTW, what grade/grades are you teaching? 

My suggestion to you is to go back to school, see how the medication works...give it some time.  If this one doesn't do it for you then discuss alternatives with your PSYCHIATRIST not your OB/GYN and get started with the CBT as soon as you can.  This is not a career stopper.  This is just a little blip in your plans....a character builder.

I wish I had read this post earlier so that you could read my response before you go off to school tomorrow.  I sure hope you started your day with positive thoughts because it really makes a difference.

I look forward to hearing from you...Don't forget to post and let us know your progress.

[Wishingforcalm2]

Just reading this makes me sincerely wonder about some doctors and where they got their license to practice.  OK, got that off my chest...
My suggestion to you is to go back to school, see how the medication works...give it some time.  If this one doesn't do it for you then discuss alternatives with your PSYCHIATRIST not your OB/GYN and get started with the CBT as soon as you can.  This is not a career stopper.  This is just a little blip in your plans....a character builder.
I wish I had read this post earlier so that you could read my response before you go off to school tomorrow.  I sure hope you started your day with positive thoughts because it really makes a difference.
I look forward to hearing from you...Don't forget to post and let us know your progress.

I second that.  On all counts!  Please don't be so quick to think of quitting as an option.  That rarely work in the world of anxiety....you've worked hard to get where you are, and I'd hate for you to "flee" and be shocked to find the anxiety followed you to even the most "pressure free" position!  You're going to be okay. Please let us know how you did on your first day back and how you were treated~ well, I hope~!!!

[peepo23]

It's dodgy that the OB/GYN decided to give you career advice, but the suggestion of depression is not a whacky one - depression and anxiety are disorders with many overlapping symptoms.

I have a friend from university who went into teaching recently and she came down with a nasty bout of anxiety and depression - don't be too scared by it, I know it's hard right now but their are lots of people in exactly the same boat as you so you are not alone.

Think about your life up to now, you'll probably be able to identify times when you've reacted anxiously and felt overwhelmed. Sometimes when my symptoms flare up I have to remind myself of all the times in my life when I've felt that way before - it can help.

[vertigo801]

Hi Guys, I don't even know what I would do if I didn't have this place, your comments, your support. I came back on Moday and my students said the missed me Oh those little devils! They got a bad sub so, now I'm reteaching all the lessons that the sub did not successfully cover, and that was making me anxious but my math department is great and they are helping me out to catch up. Today I got an anxiety attack, I was getting ready to go to work and there it was the coldness, the shaking, the crying. I took a pill that my Psyquiatrist gave me in case of an attack and talked a lot with my family and that calmed down a little, and then I came here and I'm feeling better. I just can't explain what is triggering these attacks. The only explanation is that I don't like my job but that's crazy coz I fought to have this job. I see my students and their lack of interest affects me, not everyone is like that I have to say, but I can't see anything positive even though there are positive things in my work.

Last night I couldn't sleep again, it was the longest night just waiting for the alarm to go off. I want to be able to sleep again, I wish I could,I tried taking trazodone but it didn't work, I will give it another try.
I'm going to go to Yoga tonight because I can't seem to find peace of mind at home. Thanks for all your words, I'm always looking forward to read your comments they give hope hat I'm going to get better someday.

[Wishingforcalm2]

Oh you will DEFINITELY feel better some day.  You won't even realize you're getting better little by little, but then a little more time will go by and you'll realize, hey, I haven't had an attack in a couple days...then a couple weeks, then a couple months....You'll see.  You'll feel better.

I have to repeat - I really don't think this has anything to do with your job. That's why it doesn't make sense to you.  I mean, specific attacks can come on at work right now because that's what's causing you stress, but anxiety and depression come from the INSIDE, not what's happening on the OUTSIDE.  Just try to be patient with yourself....it will get better.