Need advice Now please stressing out

[Matt1]

So I posted something a while back about how my girlfriemd and I of a year and a half recently broke undue to her taking on an internship for college in another state and decided she didn't want to come home.  Anyway about a month has past since we broke up she said she needed space which I gave her and week started texting and talking once in a while after about a week of no contact.  Everything was alright long well we were having good conversations but there were things she was still stressed out about and wasn't sure if she was in fact going to stay or eventually come home she said she wanted me to be there for her and I have been but the last couple of days I've been really depressed and basically I'm going through her the exact same thing she's going through down there we are both basically trying to find ourselves right now.

Anyway I was stressing out and texted her because we always talked about our problems and we both helped each other out and we still do even though we broke up to make this long story short she told me that she was more then likely going to stay she said she loves me but doesn't want me to move to her because I just recently got a new full time job that I really like which I've been trying to find for the last year and a half I was working two to three jobs before anyway she said it would be so unfair for her to ask me to move by her and it would be unfair for me to ask her to come back.  We both still love each other though and I don't know what to do I want to be with her but it would be so hard for me to give up everything I have here plus Its hard to find a good job out there now a days and that's what she's fearing to she said she thinks she can make something of herself there but it sucks we both have the lives that we want in a way but yet we both still love each other we don't want to lose each other yet we can't be together.  What should I do please I need some advice

[Cuchculan]

I think I remember this story from before. Well she said the magic words ' keep your job and stay were you are at '. You could take those words a few different ways. Could be a nice way of saying ' stay there '. Not wanting to hurt you. If it was me I would test the waters a bit and see if she is serious about still loving me. I would ask could I come and visit her. Straight forward question. She will have to give you an honest answer. If she really still loves you she will be dying to see you. If she is just making excuses up she will have another one as to why you can't come and visit. It is a tricky situation. Because you text each other. Anybody can say anything in a text. It is not until you are face to face with a person that you can read their expressions and body language and find out if they are telling the full truth. Near impossible to maintain this long distance relationship. Just my opinion. You may be faithful. But will she? Those are the sort of things that run through the mind. You wonder what the other person is up to. I am not doubting you miss her badly. I think the last time you posted people were telling you to move on. It was just the way the last post was written. It sounded like she had moved on. Now it sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it too. Test those waters out a bit. Suggest a visit. To be together and talk. See how she reacts to this. Might give you more of an idea on where you stand. Just hope she isn't playing games with you, for your sake. I mean that too. All we know is what you are telling us. Can only wish you the best with it.

[Matt1]

Weve talked since the first break up, and it makes sense she said she wanted space from everything not just me and needed to figure out what she really wanted.  Basically she's finding herself as she put and I believe that I know we didn't break up due to someone else or anything like that I know she's telling me the truth because the few times we actually talked on the phone you could here it in her voice.  I think a lot of the reasons she doesn't want to come back is that she's worried she would have to move back home and she had a bad home life and said she would never go back there which I don't want her to.  She also said that she feared not being able to find a job if she came back here again if she didn't have a job she would have to move back home it all falls on that.  Before she left we agreed that when she got back from this we would move in together and the was the plan.  I don't know though there are some many things I've learned since we broke up so many things I've pieced together. She's always been afraid to get close to people fearing that they would somewhere down the line move on and forget about her and hurt her and stuff like that has happened to her in the past she gets close to someone and they turn around and hurt her.  She said because of this and the fact that she's really shy she's having trouble making friends down there and has said before that she just wanted a good friend down there but she said that it's hard for her to find that where she is and that it's hard to be friends with any of the guys she works with cause all they want to do is hook up and she doesn't want that.

The thing is she's used to being alone and she told me before that she's always been a loner and said that being away has made her so happy and she loves where she's at that she's finally has goals again and is doing all this stuff for her and is feeling great.  Then I go 0409 and see posts saying that she misses people and things she did back home or she texts me saing ow depressed she is.  I want what's best for her I really do but part of me thinks that her staying there is a way of running from her problems back home in fact she's even told me that that is in fact what she was doing running from her problems.

When we texted yesterday she said how she was sorry for because she knows she hurt me really bad and that she wanted to 0366 today because she felt she's been really unfair to me and said that she wanted to talk because all we do is text and she saw that things in general were stressing me out.  So all this stuff she has told me and I basically have been piecing this together trying to figure things out.  It's not like I'm upsets with her it's just that well of all the people that I've fallen in love with in my life.  Falling in love with her just was different and for her I know it was to I basically am the closest anyone has gotten to her shes told me things she's never told alone and said that I've helped her out in so many life changing ways.  But I feel like she's afraid that if she takes this chance and comes back that I will end up walking away from her and leaving her somewhere down the line.  But the truth is with all the stress and 0103 she's put me through this last month if I was going to leave her and say you know what FU Im pretty damn sure I would have done it by now. 

But I haven't cause I no her past I know what's she's been through in life and I know she went through a lot of hard times.  I can't let her go yet I can't move on knowing she still loves me and has feelings for me so in about an hour I'm going to be skipping with her and I'm nervous I don't know what to do or what to say.  I the best thing to do is tell her the truth tell her basically what I jus put on this page help her see tha I'm not going to be one of those people who will hurt her and leave her and leave it a that. 

I'm sorry for the long post I don't have really this many people who I can vent to about my problems and I hate keeping them all bottled up.  She was actually one I could always turn to when I had a problem and vis versa we always balanced eachother out.  What we had just felt right, well here goes nothing any advise on this confusing situation would be awesome again sorry I wrote a novel here it's just one of the ways I deal with stress